


Not Afraid to Fall

by prettyaveragewhiteshark



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: All kinds of sex, F/F, FALLING sex, Flying Sex, Mutual Pining, SO SETTLE DOWN AND BUCKLE UP, Sky Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, action scenes?, all here, also angst, come and get it folks, explosions?, hear that kids?, hopefully im following all the rules now so it doesn't happen again, i know i did, it's a slow burn, so much angst you might die, this is a repost since this was deleted previously, tons of angst, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9720329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyaveragewhiteshark/pseuds/prettyaveragewhiteshark
Summary: Lena Luthor has a strictly sexual relationship with Supergirl, but when her feelings for amateur journalist Kara Danvers begin to grow, everything gets a lot more complicated. See inside for smut, feelings, rogue DEO agents, feelings, explosions, angst, and more feelings!





	1. Chapter 1

Lena stood on her balcony, one hand resting on the railing, the other slowly swirling a glass of deep red wine. The city below gleamed in the night, lights in windows and on rooftops illuminating the sky, blotting out the stars overhead. Only the moon was visible, a waning silver crescent rising over the horizon. An ambulance wailed somewhere in the distance, and Lena sighed. She took a mouthful of wine, letting it wash over her tongue for a moment before swallowing it down.

She was waiting.

Ordinarily being patient was not a problem she had; being the female CEO of a notoriously wicked foundation had taught her the virtues of waiting - waiting to be taken seriously as a woman in the business world, waiting for the reputation of L Corp to change in the eyes of the public, waiting to be seen as something other than a villainous Luthor. No, waiting was not a problem. But tonight, it was an irritation. Just another thorn in her side after a heavy day of press conferences and yet another run-in with her mother. She needed a release, and sooner was always better than later. But she would wait.

She leaned forward, resting her forearms on the railing. She dropped her head and ran her free fingers through her hair, pulling out the pins that held her bun in place. The bun fell free. She raked the length of it away from her face, sighing in relief as she massaged the tension from her scalp.

A heavy day indeed. She’d even been looking forward to today, press conferences and unpleasant mother meetings and all. Kara had been scheduled to interview her again. She’d said she wanted to do a spotlight on Lena herself, an outline of her journey to rebranding the Luthor name. It was going to be a lengthy interview, Kara said, so Lena had suggested that they meet over lunch. Not only would it have been a nice change to get out of the office, but she wanted to spend time with Kara outside of a work space. Yes it was still for work, and yes it was just an interview, but Lena couldn’t help but feel excited at the chance to see Kara in a more casual setting and possibly get to know her better there. With everything else going on that day, seeing Kara’s bright smile and hearing her sweet voice would’ve been a welcome respite.

But then Kara had cancelled last minute. _Very_ last minute, in fact. Lena had already been at the restaurant when she got her call.

“I’m so sorry, Lena.” Kara had clearly been driving down the highway, though why her windows were down for a phone call, Lena couldn’t imagine. “I’ve got an emergency to handle...for work.”

Lena understood, of course, and let Kara know as much.

“Another time, then?” she’d said, masking the disappointment in her voice effortlessly.

“Definitely,” Kara said, and hung up.

There was no use in releasing her reservation since she had already left work for lunch, so she had eaten alone. She browsed a news feed idly as she ate. Nothing too unusual, she noted. Supergirl had been busy, saving a semi from plunging into the waterway after it jackknifed on the interstate. No one had been harmed, of course. She watched the video clip with a small smile on her lips. Someone had captured Supergirl in the act. She’d saved the semi just in the nick of time, catching the body of it just as it began to slide over the edge of the bridge. She had ignored the applause of the crowd, flying to the cab and freeing the unconscious driver trapped inside. She delivered him personally to the stretcher before they loaded it onto the ambulance. The video ended on Supergirl’s profile, her mouth and eyes set seriously as she watched the ambulance drive away.

Lena’s stomach fluttered just a little remembering it. She knew that serious expression well. It was how Supergirl’s face looked when they were alone together, when they both knew what was coming next. It was a refreshing look, so different from the nervousness and intimidation that all her previous lovers had shown before they went to bed with her. The seriousness made her feel normal, and desirable, and so unlike a Luthor. It was the thing that made her completely lose herself.

So she was waiting. Soon the next emergency would be handled with grace and strength and skill, and then it would be her turn.

She finished off her glass of wine and turned to go back inside her apartment when she heard the familiar sound of a fluttering cape. It was almost silent, and when she was less used to it she hadn’t been able to detect any sound whatsoever. But she heard it, and she felt herself relax at the sound, a smile touching her lips.

She turned.

“I was wondering if you were going to keep me waiting all night.”

Supergirl already had her arms folded, as was her standard pose, but her eyes were amused.

“Well, car-jackers aren’t going to imprison themselves, you know.”

“No,” Lena acknowledged. “I don’t imagine they would.”

Supergirl looked her up and down. The sweep of her eyes was subtle enough, but Lena felt pierced through, as though she was looking at more than her body.

“Are you sure you’re up for this tonight?” Supergirl asked. “You seem tired.”

Lena tilted her chin, somewhat irritated at the assessment. “I’m fine.”

Supergirl didn’t seem shaken by her brusque tone. She stepped forward, moving to stand toe to toe with her. Her hands gripped her shoulders gently, urging them to release their tension.

“Long day for the CEO of L Corp, then?”

Lena smiled, feeling the weariness of it and not caring that Supergirl saw. “You could say that. I had to talk to my mother, for one. And I got stood up at lunch. I’ve had better days.”

Supergirl blinked, and her eyebrows creased. But she didn’t say anything else. She took the wineglass from Lena’s hand, placing it on the ground, and then swept her into a deep kiss. She lifted her by the backs of her thighs and Lena wrapped her legs around her waist, throwing her arms around her neck, returning the kiss hungrily.

This. This is what she waited for. This is what made waiting worth it.

Supergirl carried her inside, moving effortlessly. Her hands ran the length of Lena’s back, holding her closer, pressing their bodies together. Lena tangled her fingers in her hair, gripping the back of her neck. She bit down on her lower lip, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to make Supergirl moan.

“Sit down,” Lena murmured.

Supergirl complied, sitting them on the mattress. She tugged at the backs of Lena’s knees, dragging their hips closer together. Her lips trailed along Lena’s throat. She nipped at the tender skin, making Lena gasp a little, then swirled her tongue across the marks to soothe the pain. Lena’s hands slid beneath her cape, fumbling to undo the clasp on the back of her uniform. It came free, and she tugged the material down her shoulders, grunting a little in exasperation. She leaned down, her teeth catching Supergirl’s earlobe.

“I thought we agreed you would just come naked so we could avoid all this nonsense,” she growled.

“Must’ve slipped my mind,” Supergirl replied, the wit in her tone drowned out by how breathless she suddenly sounded.

She wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, twisting to the side to switch their positions. She kissed her neck again.

“Here, I’ll take care of it for you.”

She stood, and began disrobing. Lena propped herself up on her elbows, watching with burning gaze as Supergirl bared her lean, toned body. She tried, but she failed to stop herself from biting her lip. Supergirl was wearing that expression, that seriousness soaked in heat, never breaking eye contact. As the last article of clothing dropped to the floor, Lena sat up. She slid to the edge of the mattress and pulled Supergirl in to stand between her legs. She kissed her torso, applying her tongue liberally, tracing the lines of her. Supergirl gasped, swaying slightly, her hand on the back of her head. Lena smiled, relishing the affect she had over this otherworldly woman, this _superhero_.

Her smugness was short-lived. Supergirl’s fingers slid beneath her chin, lifting her gaze upward, and she leaned down and caught her mouth in a deep kiss. Her arms wrapped around Lena’s back and she lifted her up as if to carry her again but instead just dragged her bodily up the mattress, laying her so she rested over her. The manhandling took Lena’s breath away. She could feel the raw power in the way Supergirl moved, in the ease with which she hefted her entire body weight. This woman could crush her on a whim. The idea roused the masochism in her. It excited her up in a way that no human could.

They kissed passionately, their bodies moving together in waves. Lena couldn’t stand the barrier separating their bodies, their skin. She began to undo the buttons on her blouse. Supergirl noticed and she reached up, stilling Lena’s hands.

“Want me to do that?”

Lena knew what she meant, and nodded.

Supergirl gripped the seam of her shirt and jerked it ever so slightly. The buttons tore off with a ripping noise, scattering on the floor. Supergirl pressed her body down against Lena’s, their skin meeting. Lena locked their mouths together again, tongue slipping past her lips. She lifted her hips, grinding against Supergirl’s leg. She could feel her wetness growing. Supergirl pulled her blouse off the rest of the way. She kissed across Lena’s chest, down the soft skin. She hooked her finger beneath the material of the bra and ripped it away too, clearly no longer in the mood for waiting. Her mouth moved on Lena’s breasts, massaging the nipples with her tongue, grazing them ever so slightly with her teeth. Lena arched, moaning, twining her fingers through her blonde hair.

Supergirl’s hands were on her back, holding her up as she arched, bringing her body closer to her moving mouth. Her eyes were closed. She moved her ministrations downward, kissing across Lena’s torso, tracing the lines of her with her tongue. Her hands were undoing the clasp of Lena’s pants, dragging them down her hips without missing a beat. Her mouth was warm, its movements skilled. Lena bit her lip, remembering the feeling of it between her legs. She wanted to beg, but she didn’t dare. She could only stand to give Supergirl so much power.

She needn’t have worried. Supergirl’s mouth found her moments later, and Lena couldn’t help but gasp aloud. She tightened her grip in Supergirl's hair, pulling her closer. Supergirl seemed happy to oblige, her hands locking around her thighs. She met Lena’s grinding hips with her tactile tongue, making the heat grow in Lena’s low belly. She was hungry, her mouth wet and pliant. She traced patterns against Lena, heated circles and figure eights, making her writhe. And when Lena was too demanding, she pressed her tongue flat against her, sending a spasm of what felt like electricity up through Lena’s body. Lena couldn’t have stayed quiet if she wanted to. Her moans and sighs and gasps filled the dark air.

Supergirl pulled away for a moment, but before Lena could protest she felt her slip her fingers inside her. Her jaw locked and she threw her head back at the sensation of fullness.

“Fuck,” she groaned.

Supergirl moved slow at first, fingers sliding a steady rhythm in and out. She dropped her head back down, her mouth finding Lena’s heat again. Lena bit her lip, her hips pulsing in time with the thrust of Supergirl's fingers. She looked down for a moment at her lover. Her head was bowed, blonde hair splayed out across her skin and the sheets, and for a moment, Lena saw someone else. Kara’s name was suddenly on her tongue, the heat growing exponentially as she imagined Kara between her legs instead. She shut her eyes tightly and dropped her head back again.

_It isn’t her. You can’t think like that._

Supergirl’s pace was growing faster, and more rough. She had clearly learned exactly what Lena liked, and she executed with perfection. Her fingers punched into her with every thrust, making the whole bed rock. Lena was struggling to keep her tremors under control, fighting the instinctual movement of her body as the temptation of release grew stronger. Supergirl seemed to notice and she looked up, her mouth wet, a smile resting on her lips.

“Come for me, Lena.”

 _Fuck_.

She couldn’t resist any longer, and Supergirl’s low, commanding voice was just enough to tip the scales. She came with a loud cry, arching off the bed as the heat in her abdomen released in shockwaves of pleasure, thrumming hard through her body. Supergirl held her hips down, but still her whole body shook with spasms. Her voice was guttural as she rode out the final waves, unintelligible sounds streaming from her lips unchecked. She collapsed, breathing hard, a short, breathless laugh on her lips.

She shivered as Supergirl withdrew her fingers, licking them clean and wiping her mouth as she crawled up the bed. She placed a kiss on Lena’s lips.

“Was that alright?” she asked.

Lena smiled, closing her eyes. “You could probably say that, yes.”

Supergirl touched the side of her face and kissed her cheek. Her gentleness after the fact always surprised Lena.

She rolled out of bed and began getting dressed. Lena watched her, torn between wanting to ask her to stay and the guilt of picturing Kara while Supergirl fucked her so well. She chose silence, and when Supergirl gave her a smile and left through the balcony door, she fell asleep, against her better judgement, thinking of Kara.

 

* * *

 

Later that week she was interrupted in the middle of writing a press release when her secretary called.

“Yes? What is it?”

“Kara Danvers is here to see you, ma’am. I told her you were busy but she insis-”

“Let her in.”

She only had a moment to compose herself before Kara stepped in, looking more than a little bashful. She was carrying a plate with plastic wrap across the top of it.

“Hi,” she said.

Lena couldn’t help herself from smiling widely. “Hello, Kara. What a pleasant surprise.”

“I wanted to apologize for the other day,” Kara said. “I feel really bad about bailing on you.”

Lena waved her hand, “Oh, you don’t need to apologize. I understand work emergencies, believe me.”

Kara adjusted her glasses, giving a nervous grin. She lifted the plate in her hand.

“Well, I just wanted to give you this as a, um, token of my sorrow...my sorriness...ah...here. It’s for you.”

She handed the plate to Lena. On it was a piece of chocolate cake, complete with chocolate frosting and what looked like the remnants of some writing on the top in yellow icing.

“It was Winn’s birthday yesterday,” Kara explained quickly. “I wanted to make you something but I only had enough ingredients to bake a cake so I thought I could just bring you a piece. I probably should’ve just made you your own, or some cookies. I didn’t know what you liked. I’m sorry, this must seem so half-assed…”

“Kara,” Lena cut in. She felt her heart swelling as she looked at this beautiful, frazzled, nervous woman who had gone out of her way to deliver a piece of cake as an apology to her. “Thank you. I love chocolate cake.”

“You do?” Kara asked, clearly relieved. She laughed, adjusting her glasses again. “Oh good, I was worried you might not.”

“You didn’t have to bring me anything at all, really,” Lena said.

Kara waved her hand, nodding quickly. “Oh, well, I wanted to anyway.”

Lena smiled softly, meeting her eyes, somewhat overwhelmed by the genuine goodness being shown to her by this single human being. Her heart sped up a little. She wanted to say something. Well, she wanted to say a lot of things, none of which were relevant or appropriate for the situation at hand. But the quiet between them was not uncomfortable, and she felt words wouldn’t do the moment justice anyway. She was vaguely aware that she’d been looking into Kara’s eyes for longer than usual, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Kara broke the moment with a quiet laugh. She tucked a nonexistent stray hair behind her ear.

“Well, I should get going. I’m supposed to be running an errand for my boss. But would you want to meet later, maybe, to get that interview?”

Lena looked down, smiling, coming back to herself. “Yes, of course. I would love that.”

“Okay,” Kara said. “I’ll call you, and we can find a good time.”

Lena stayed standing for a while after Kara had left, looking at the slice of chocolate cake.

 

* * *

 

 

She was practically humming with good energy that night. The memory of Kara’s visit stayed with her, as did the warm feeling. Kara had called later that day to schedule a meet-up over the weekend. Only a few more days and she’d be able to see her again. Tonight she was happy. And she wanted to see Supergirl.

There was no waiting this time. Supergirl was on her balcony before she had a chance to put her phone down.

“Must be a quiet night,” Lena remarked.

Supergirl shrugged. “Must be.”

Lena moved to her, putting her hands around her waist, kissing her softly a few times. She leaned into it, her fingers tangling in Lena’s hair.

“You seem to be in a better mood,” she smiled between kisses.

“I am,” Lena said. “I get to see someone this weekend.”

  
Supergirl raised an eyebrow, “Oh? ‘Someone,’ huh?”

“Don’t tell me you’re the jealous type,” Lena scoffed.

“Oh no, no,” she said. “I’m happy for you and your mystery girl.”

Lena pulled back a little. “I never said it was a girl.”

Supergirl seemed unperturbed. “Well, is it?”

“Maybe.”

“Hmm,” she smiled. “Sounds like intuition is another superpower of mine.”

“Shut up,” Lena murmured, silencing her with a kiss.

Their kisses were soft and slow at first, a little playful and teasing. Then it was as if Supergirl remembered why she was there, and she pulled Lena closer, one hand on her neck, the other on the small of her back. Her lips moved with meaning, her tongue brushing Lena’s as she tilted her head and drew her in. Soon little moans were interspersed throughout their kissing, heat blossoming between their bodies. Lena pressed Supergirl back against the railing. She ran her tongue across her upper lip, then sucked on it slowly. She felt as much as heard Supergirl catch her breath, and felt a deep rush of satisfaction.

Supergirl’s arms wrapped around her and without warning her feet were lifted from the balcony floor. For a moment she thought Supergirl was picking her up as usual, but then she realized that the ground had dropped away. She gasped, breaking the kiss, watching with a mix of horror and awe as the buildings that had loomed around her shrank away below. She looked up at Supergirl who was watching her steadily.

“I’ll keep you safe,” she said.

Lena believed her. She kissed her again.

Their bodies intertwined in the night air as they rose through the clouds. Supergirl carried them higher than the light pollution could reach, and when Lena tilted her head back, eyes open, sighing as Supergirl kissed passionately along the length of her neck, her heart practically stopped. The stars were bright - no, that wasn’t a good enough word for them. They were wild, and their light was a storm across the black sky. It was like the heavens were singing. The song was one she didn’t recognize, and it woke both fear and wonder deep in her chest.

“Gods,” she whispered.

Supergirl looked up, and followed her gaze into the sky.

“It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

“I’ve never seen them like this.”

“All you ever have to do is ask,” Supergirl whispered, pressing her lips back to Lena's neck.

Lena’s eyes rolled back a little and she cupped Supergirl's cheek, bringing their mouths together, kissing her hard. She guided her hand, pushing it beneath her shirt and against her breast. Supergirl took her cues, teasing and caressing until Lena moaned into her mouth. Then Supergirl ducked her head, pulling Lena's blouse open further. She kissed across the skin of her chest, down into the curve of her breasts. Her mouth was passionate and hungry, leaving bruises in their wake that spurred Lena’s heartbeat into a frenzy. A warm breeze swept around them, making Supergirl’s cape snap out behind her. Lena felt weightless, lightheaded. She touched Supergirl’s cheeks, signaling need, and Supergirl responded with alacrity, pulling their chests back together and kissing her deeply.

Their bodies intertwined, Supergirl’s thigh pressing between her legs. Lena rolled her hips hard, grinding against her, moaning at the feeling of friction. She was hardly able to control her movement, only obeying the demands of the heat that roared. Heaven burned above, and the earth shimmered below, and they were the fire in between.

“I want you to make me come,” Lena gasped. “Please.”

Their eyes locked and for a moment, a long, heavy moment, Lena wished she knew her name. Not Supergirl, not her Catco brand, but her _name_. Something she could cry aloud as she climaxed, something she could murmur or groan or sigh. Something real. Something like “Kara.”

Those thoughts were buried as Supergirl slid her hand down Lena’s body, pulling her skirt up to her hips. She pushed Lena’s underwear to the side and pressed her fingers against her wetness. Lena made a loud, breathy sound, pulling their mouths together.

Supergirl groaned. “You’re so wet,” she said, the words slipping out like she couldn’t stop them.

“This is what you do to me,” Lena whispered. She reached down between their two bodies, guiding Supergirl's fingers and pressing two of them inside herself. Supergirl shuddered, moaning, clearly overcome by her boldness.

Their mouths and tongues interlocked and Supergirl pulsed inside her. Lena had both arms wrapped around her neck, holding on for dear life. Pleasure rushed through her in waves, the sensation of being filled again and again and again. She kissed her for as long as she could manage but soon she was completely consumed by the feeling of Supergirl inside her and she buried her face in her neck, making small, desperate noises.

The heat between them was incredible. They were both panting, their bodies shaking, twisted together in a dance punctuated by beating hearts and the pulsing of fingers. Lena ground her hips down against Supergirl’s hand, fucking herself as much as she was being fucked. Supergirl moaned, biting the side of her neck hard enough to leave a mark. The pain blended seamlessly with the pleasure.

Lena could feel herself nearing the edge. The movement of Supergirl’s fingers was intense to the point of extremity. She didn’t know how much more she could take. Supergirl thrust deep and hard into her and her head fell back. She could feel the tension in her neck, the rigidity of her muscles, the breathless tremors that came before release. For a moment, she opened her eyes. The stars were wild. They blazed. They screamed aloud, cried out a safety that only the wilderness could know. She heard her name, moaned into her ear.

“ _Lena._ ”

She came then, in an eruption of warmth and endorphins. It coursed through her veins, striking her brain, making her arms and legs feel like they were glowing. She didn’t think: she let go. She slipped out of Supergirl’s grip and she was falling, the air roaring so loudly it sounded like silence. Her spine still arched as the waves of ecstasy coursed through her, her eyes clenching shut until she forced them open again. The sky spun above her, a kaleidoscope of blinding light and endless darkness. Somehow, she felt no fear, only exquisite freedom.

Then there were arms beneath her neck and her legs and she was being pulled from free-fall, safe in Supergirl’s arms. Supergirl was terrified. Tears gleamed in her eyes and she was talking so fast her words stumbled over themselves.

“Fuck Lena I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I wasn’t holding you tight enough, I’m so sorry I dropped you, are you alright? I’m so fucking stupid, I’m sorry Lena -”

  
Lena touched her mouth, stilling her lips.

“You didn’t drop me. I let go.”

“You....” Confusion, shock and anger flashed across Supergirl’s face in rapid succession. “You let _go_? Are you… are you crazy? What if I hadn’t caught you!?”

  
“You said you’d keep me safe,” Lena returned. “And I knew you would.”

Supergirl’s mouth hung open as she struggled to process what braincells Lena could possibly be missing. Lena stroked her cheek, kissing the corner of her lips.

“I’m sorry I scared you. But that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”

Supergirl sighed and Lena could practically feel her muscles relaxing.

“Well, we’ll see if I ever take you flying again, you fucking maniac.”

Lena laughed and put her arms around her neck, pulling in close to her chest.

“I promise I’ll hold on tight this time.”

Still, Supergirl’s grip on her body didn’t loosen once as she flew her back home. She placed her gently onto the balcony, clear relief showing in her face that she’d gotten her back safely.

“I swear, Luthor, if you ever try to pull something like that again…”

Lena laid both hands against her chest, feeling a little guilty for scaring her so badly.

“I won’t.” She kissed her gently. “I promise.”

Supergirl tucked an errant strand of hair behind Lena’s ear, sighing deeply.

“Good. I wouldn’t want…” She paused, hesitating on the words she seemed to want to say. “I wouldn’t want L Corp to lose its CEO.”

Lena blinked at the unexpected end of her sentence. Then she nodded, and laughed a little.

“That’s fair enough.”

Supergirl looked in her eyes, running her knuckles down Lena’s cheek.

“Sleep well, Lena” she said.

She kissed her forehead and, with a gentle squeeze of her fingers, she turned and flew from the balcony, disappearing quickly into the lights of the city and the darkness of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

It was early morning when Lena called Supergirl. Nerves over seeing Kara that day roiled in her belly. They’d be meeting for a late lunch, and in the meantime Lena had nothing to occupy her time, and even a visit to the gym hadn’t been enough to distract her. She decided to put matters into Supergirl’s capable hands. 

She was drinking the last of her post-workout shake when Supergirl landed on the balcony behind her. Lena didn’t have a chance to turn around before her hands had slid around her waist. 

“This is earlier than your usual booty call.”

Lena turned her head a little, enjoying the pressure of their bodies together. She smiled into her own shoulder. “I didn’t think you’d complain.”

She inhaled sharply as Supergirl’s teeth caught the top of her ear.

“Who said anything about complaining?” Supergirl murmured.

Lena turned in her arms and caught her mouth in a slow kiss. Supergirl’s hands moved across her waist, fingers slipping beneath her shirt to lift the hem up her ribs. Lena caught her wrists, stopping her.

Supergirl pulled back. She raised her eyebrows. “No?”

“I want you to take me flying again,” Lena said.

Her expression dropped. “I don’t think so.”

She moved as if to step away, but Lena pulled her in quickly. Supergirl didn’t resist.

“Please? I promise I won’t let go this time. I was stupid, I won’t do it again. I know how much I scared you and I...I won’t do that to you.”

Supergirl still looked skeptical. Lena touched her cheeks.

“Please? Flying with you is incredible, I’ve never felt that way before.”   
She trailed her fingers down a lock of Supergirl’s blonde hair, looking deep into her eyes, pleading silently.

Supergirl sighed. “You really know how to make a girl change her mind, you know that?”

Lena beamed, hardly able to contain herself.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Supergirl said begrudgingly. “Don’t make me regret it.”

She wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist and, without so much as a “hold on tight,” launched them from the balcony. The takeoff was a far cry from the gentle rising of the other night, and Lena’s stomach dropped away as fast as her building disappeared into the distance. She clutched at the back of Supergirl’s uniform, holding on for dear life. The wind whipped at her hair and face as she buried herself in Supergirl’s chest, her heart beating wildly. But she felt Supergirl’s strong arms wrapped tightly around her, and she knew she was safe. Supergirl murmured in her ear, quieter than the wind, closer.

“Are you alright?”

Lena had to think a moment, had to take a few deep breaths. But then she looked up and Supergirl was looking at her and she smiled and nodded.

“Yes. I’m okay.”

Supergirl smiled back, and Lena turned her head to see where they were going.

They had already flown past the city’s limits and they sped across the countryside, heading eastward, toward the ocean and the rising sun. The air was clean and open and bright. It was just after dawn; the sun had hardly left the limit of the horizon. 

Supergirl banked as the last of the land passed beneath them and out of sight, angling down toward the ocean. The water was still, no wind to move the surface into whitecaps. They flew low enough that Lena could smell salt. She’d visited the docks before, always on business, but she’d never had the chance to experience the ocean without the shout of dockworkers and the thick stench of fish and crude oil. Out here, the air was pure in a way she’d never experienced before. 

“Do you want to touch it?” Supergirl asked.

“The ocean?” Lena squinted at her. “You’re not going to dunk me, are you?” 

Supergirl laughed out loud. “The idea is tempting, after the stunt you pulled the other night, but no. I won’t.” She winked. “Kryptonian’s honor.”

Lena nodded her consent and Supergirl angled downward. She shifted Lena in her arms so she was facing the water as they drew closer. Lena reached out until her fingers skimmed the surface, throwing up a fine spray shot through with a rainbow from the sunlight. The water was cold, refreshing, and Lena laughed as it fell on her face.

Supergirl’s lips pressed against the back of her neck. 

“You’re really something, Lena Luthor,” she murmured. Lena recognized the tone of her voice and she smiled coyly even though Supergirl couldn’t see.

“Prove it,” she said, arching back against her.

She felt as much as heard the small growl in Supergirl’s chest. Lena gasped as her hand slipped suddenly beneath her waistband, sliding against her clit. Supergirl’s other hand massaged her breast through her shirt as she lavished Lena’s neck with kisses. Lena reached back, tangling her fingers in her hair, gripping a handful at the base of her neck the way she knew she liked. Supergirl groaned, biting Lena’s neck in response. Her fingers curled, pulling wetness from her center. Lena’s mouth cocked open, and she couldn’t stop the whine that escaped her. 

Supergirl’s fingers teased at her nipples over her shirt. The friction of the cloth somehow made the sensation both more muted and more intense. Lena placed her palms over the backs of Supergirl’s hands, guiding their movements. She pressed hard against her hand between her legs and Supergirl increased the pressure in her movements. Lena’s voice raised an octave as she moaned. She wanted to writhe. 

WIthout fully realizing why, she moved Supergirl’s hand from her breast to her throat. Supergirl gasped harshly, her breath ragged, as she obediently tightened her fingers around Lena’s neck. Lena’s breath came shorter. She felt pressure building in her head, her blood being forced to slow. She knew she was feeling only the smallest fraction of Supergirl’s strength, that her life could be over in an instant if Supergirl lost control. 

Supergirl’s voice was heavy with arousal, but uncertainty laced her words.

“Don’t….don’t let me hurt you,” she whispered, and she sounded like she was begging.

Lena caressed her fingers. She could feel the veins in her neck pulsing against the skin. “I’m not afraid of you.”

In response, Supergirl pressed hard against her clit for a moment, making Lena cry out, her voice choked. 

“Maybe you should be,” Supergirl said, her voice low and wild. 

Her fingers slid over Lena’s wetness hard and fast, making the tension build furiously between her legs. Lena was panting, the heady feeling of being slowly choked making her want to orgasm under Supergirl’s immense power. She thrust her hips down against Supergirl’s hand, keeping in time with the pulse of her fingers. Her gasping breaths turned into whines, pleas for more, cries of mounting pleasure. She began to shake. She reached up, holding Supergirl’s hand closer.

“Please,” she groaned.

Supergirl’s grip tightened. Lena came hard then, blacking out briefly as the sudden rush of blood and pleasure spotted out her vision. She heard as much as felt her cry echo across the vast expanse of water beneath her. Waves of heat rushed through her torso, her arms and legs, her head, and back again. She was drowning in her ecstasy and she never wanted to surface. She bucked against Supergirl’s arms, holding them tight, pulling her closer. The last of her orgasm passed through her and into oblivion, and she went limp. 

Supergirl turned her over in her arms, pulling up out of flight to hover in the air over the ocean. She cradled her closely, her pupils wide with arousal though her eyes looked more than a little worried. 

“Are you alright? Did I squeeze too hard?”

Lena shook her head, touching her chest, still trying to get her breath back. 

“No, no. That was...perfect.”

Supergirl leaned in and kissed her, then laughed quietly. 

“Why do you have to be so fucking hot?”

Lena couldn’t find an answer to that question, so she just smiled and nuzzled her shoulder. 

“Sorry.” 

“No, you’re not,” Supergirl said, flying up and heading back into the city.

 

* * *

 

Lena smoothed down the hair in her ponytail for the umpteenth time, shifting in her seat. Coming early was a bad idea. Just more time for her nerves to wreak havoc on her intestines while she waited for Kara to arrive. She flexed her hands in her lap, twisting her bracelet around her wrist as she absently checked over her shoulder for the fourth time in a minute, just in case Kara was coming through the front door. She wasn’t.

Lena sighed. What if Kara cancelled again? Maybe she’d rescheduled the interview to be polite but never actually had any intention of following through. Maybe the interview had been some kind of smoke screen and Kara never had any intention of writing an article on Lena at all. Or maybe she had but then reconsidered. Maybe she’d realized that trying to portray a Luthor in a positive, human light was impossible and not worth her time. Maybe she’d talked to someone else, anyone else, about her intentions and they’d convinced her of the stupidity of her article. A good Luthor? Impossible. 

Lena rubbed her fingers across her forehead, eyes closing. She was so stupid. Of course Kara didn’t want to spend time with her, what with their divergent views on alien amnesty and probably on the world as whole. Lena’d let the butterflies Kara gave her dictate her decisions, and she felt certain she was about to pay the price. Another public humiliation, another cancelled interview, another friendship lost. She gritted her teeth. Her throat began to close as tears threatened to well up.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Lena jumped a little, looking up sharply to see Kara standing there with concern in her eyes. Lena sat up straight, clearing her throat, smiling suddenly as the desire to weep vanished. 

“Kara! I didn’t see you come in. Yes, I’m alright. Just a little headache, that’s all.”

“Oh no," Kara said. “We don’t have to do the interview if you’re not feeling well, I’d completely understand…”

“No, no,” Lena said, taking Kara’s hand in both of hers to emphasize her words. “I’m alright. I promise.”

Kara smiled. “If you insist.” She squeezed Lena’s hands gently and Lena felt a blush rising in her cheeks. She released Kara’s hand, gesturing to the seat across from hers.

“I’m sorry, where are my manners? Have a seat, make yourself comfortable.”

Kara complied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes roamed the room briefly. 

“This place is amazing. Much fancier than Noonan’s.”

Lena tilted her head, eyebrows wrinkling curiously. “Noonan’s?”

“Oh,” Kara waved her hand, laughing a little. “It’s just a little cafe near where I work. It’s the go-to for the office at lunchtime.”

“Well, you’ll have to take me some time.”

“I’d be happy to,” Kara smiled, and Lena believed her.

They ordered and Lena asked Kara about her day, listening rapturously as she detailed the events of her day off. Every so often, Kara would apologize for talking so much, saying how this was meant to be a conversation about Lena. Lena waved her off.

“I’ll talk plenty, don’t worry. I want to know more about you. I should be familiar with my interviewer, shouldn’t I?”

Kara had looked at her closely, a peculiar expression on her face that Lena couldn’t quite place. But Kara’s eyes were gentle and the corners of her mouth spoke a quiet smile and it put Lena at ease.

“Yeah, I guess you should,” Kara had smiled, before carrying on about how she loved her work as a journalist but couldn’t help but miss her former boss, the infamous Cat Grant. 

She talked with her hands. Even after their lunch arrived, Kara would wave her fork around with food skewered on the end and Lena had to fight a smile as she wondered how long it would be until it went flying. There was a freeness in the way Kara spoke. Lena had never heard her be so verbose. It was a wonderful experience. She especially liked the way Kara adjusted her glasses and tucked her hair behind her ear every now and again. The gestures expressed perfectly an aspect of her personality that Lena couldn’t explain. She tried not to stare, making a mental note to look away from Kara’s eyes every now and again, but it proved to be more difficult than she anticipated.

Kara finally insisted upon turning the topic of conversation to Lena, and she relented. 

“I wouldn’t want to keep you here too long,” Lena smiled. “What questions do you have for me?”

Kara placed a thin black recorder on the table, pressing the record button, and flipped her notepad open. She adjusted her glasses again.

“Let’s see. Okay, we’ll start with the basics. What made you want to re-brand the Luthor name? I mean, the Luthors are known world-wide for their power. Why not just take that and run with it?”

Lena’s eyes dropped, looking at nothing as she folded her hands in front of her. She thought for a long moment, and she didn’t look up when she finally answered.

“Power can get you a lot of things in life. It can get you most things, actually. But when we lost Lex, I realized that power isn’t what matters. I mean, it couldn’t bring Lex back to me, it couldn’t make my mother love me, it couldn’t save my father. My name gave me all the power in the world, but I was still completely powerless to protect myself against the worst things that ever happened to me. Power was suddenly meaningless to me. Not only that, but I suddenly had a lot of enemies simply because of my family name. I didn’t know that I could change the Luthor name, but I thought I owed it to myself to try. I owed it to the world to undo what my family had done.”

She looked up, forcing a smile. The look on Kara’s face stilled her heart for a moment; she looked genuinely sad, the compassion in her eyes almost palpable. Lena had to avert her gaze to continue.

“I wanted my name to represent more than power. I wanted to leave a mark on the world I left behind, not a scar.”

Kara nodded, looking down at her notebook a little too intently before asking Lena the next question. Lena watched her, and as she began giving answers she wondered if she was foolish for trusting so much of herself with Kara. Would she regret this? Every learned understanding in her mind screamed that she would. But her instincts, the softer ones, the ones she had buried with her father and locked up when Lex abandoned her, whispered that she was safe. That Kara would keep her safe. She’d never been religious, but she felt herself praying that her instincts wouldn’t lead her astray.

 

* * *

 

 

She stood on the balcony, aware that she probably spent entirely too much time out here. But, wine glass in her hand and a cool breeze on her face, she couldn’t bring herself to care. She had her phone on, the screen casting a blue glow on her face. Supergirl’s name was illuminated in her contacts, and her finger hovered over the call button. A debate raged behind her steady eyes. The fact that she was debating at all frustrated her. She was a grown woman, and she and Supergirl were consenting adults in a strictly sexual relationship. She shouldn’t have to feel guilty about wanting to fill her need, especially since there was no one else involved in her life. But even as she thought that, she saw Kara’s face behind her eyes. 

She groaned in exasperation, then shut her phone off, downed her wine in a few gulps and went back into her room. She shed her silk robe and climbed into bed, the soft sheets enveloping her. She didn’t expect to fall asleep quickly, but somehow she did. And when she did, she dreamed. 

She was in her bed, but not alone. Her limbs were tangled up with someone else’s. There was heat, and urgency, and lips on her skin. Her breath came in gasps. Her fingers twined through long hair and she was panting, her face turned up to the ceiling, unintelligible words flowing in a prayerful cadence from her throat. She was begging. She needed more, she wanted to be closer. Their bodies twisted and twined together, making art, making love. The impression registered with vague surprise. She wasn’t fucking, nor being fucked. This was lovemaking, and it made her heart race.

Lips found her mouth and she was kissing like she’d been starved for a hundred years. She sighed and moaned and her sounds were echoed by her lover. Their hands twined together and Lena had never been more connected to someone. She was suddenly desperate to know who shared her bed, who it was making her feel like this. She knew it was a dream, but she didn’t care. She dropped her chin, breaking the kiss. Her eyes stayed closed luxuriously for a moment, reveling in the heat, in the touch of skin, the throbbing of two hearts. 

She opened her eyes and suddenly couldn’t breathe.

_ Kara _ . 

She didn’t know if she spoke aloud or not, but Kara smiled softly, sensuously. She leaned back down, catching Lena’s lips in a kiss. Lena held her face, pulling her close, kissing her hard. Their bodies pressed together and Lena felt her soul rising. 

Then she woke. She was panting, her heart beating fast. She lay on her back, blinking into the darkness of her bedroom, trying to catch her breath. Longing sat on her chest like pain, threatening to suffocate her, threatening to bring her under. She covered her eyes, trying to bring herself out of the dream-induced emotion, but it stayed. She didn’t sleep the rest of the night, and every time she closed her eyes she saw Kara. 


	3. Chapter 3

Kara sat with her back pressed against the spire of National City’s tallest skyscraper. She had her knees to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her legs, eyes closed. The end of her cape made a riffling sound in the breeze. Usually she came up here to listen, to take in the sounds of the city below and find her next mission. If a cry for help came, she would no doubt hear it, but for now the city was quiet and she was just breathing, letting her mind wander, letting her weary shoulders relax. 

She thought of Lena. A night like this would be perfect for one of their meetings. The peaceful hum of the city below them, Lena’s body against her, Lena’s voice in her ear, Lena’s cries of ecstasy pouring from her beautiful mouth. But Kara’s Supergirl phone was silent. It was later than Lena usually called on her, and she had resigned herself to the fact that Lena didn’t want to see her tonight. 

Kara exhaled heavily, giving her head an irritated shake at the disappointment that sat heavy on her chest. She knew the terms of the agreement. Lena would call on her when she wanted to be fucked, and that was all. No feelings. No dates. No long discussions or staying the night. Kara couldn’t even initiate the meetings herself in case Lena wasn’t feeling up to it. It was just sex, and on Lena’s terms. Kara imagined it gave Lena quite the thrill, having one of the world’s most powerful people on a leash.

But she would be lying to herself if she even tried to pretend she wasn’t pleased with the arrangement. Not all the rules, of course, but the chance to be close to Lena, even under the guise of Supergirl and a strictly sexual relationship, was a wonderful thing. It gave her a sense of pride and purpose to know that she was the one Lena called upon when she was lonely. Of course, if Kara had it her way she’d visit Lena every day, and not just for sex. Just once she wanted to stay the night, curl around Lena and fall asleep with her, wake up and kiss her softly and tell her good morning. Just once she wanted the chance to soothe Lena’s stress and sadness with more than just another fucking, to hug her close and listen while she talked about her long days, to make her feel less lonely in an unfamiliar city. 

It was wishful thinking, she knew that, but she couldn’t help herself. Sometimes, in moments of weakness, she even imagined that Lena might someday want to be with  _ her _ . Not Supergirl, but Kara. It was a ridiculous concept. It was obvious why Lena had taken Supergirl as a lover. Supergirl was important and powerful and mysterious. But Kara? She was just...Kara. A bottom-tier journalist for Catco who would likely never amount to much in the real world. A bottom-tier journalist, that is, who went out on a limb to convince her boss to publish a story about a Luthor just because she wanted the chance to spend some time with Lena and a personal interview was the only way she could think of to make that happen. 

She couldn’t help still feeling embarrassed about that. How desperate, how pathetic. If Lena knew she’d laugh her to scorn, or, worse, pity Kara for her efforts. She was Lena Luthor, after all, and she no doubt had suitors knocking down her door, men and women who had much more clout, money and charm than Kara could ever hope to possess. 

“Okay,” Kara said aloud to no one. “This is getting depressing.”

She stood, shaking the thoughts off her back. If the city needed her, they knew where to find her, and she’d be bundled up in bed until the sun decided to come calling again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The article published later that week. Lena had Jess deliver a copy of the magazine to her desk. It lay there, untouched for hours, though every few minutes she'd glance at it out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous. It was just a silly article. And Kara had seemed so warm over their interview. She had no reason to think that she would have twisted her words. But this wouldn’t be the first time a smiling, friendly journalist had dragged her name through the mud. 

All the same, she folded open the magazine at lunchtime, thumbing to the article as casually as she could to see what Kara had to say about her. 

> _ “Luthor. A name that invokes images of power, wealth and, most notably, infamy. The Luthor name has been defined over the years by acts of corruption, most of which have ended in the collapse of business empires, the defamation of respected public figures, and havoc and mayhem in general. Even our sister city’s resident superhero has fallen prey to the nefarious schemes of a Luthor on more than one occasion.” _

Lena’s heart clenched, and she set her jaw, willing her emotions not to show on her face. The description of her, of her family, her name, was all too familiar. She shouldn’t have been so surprised, nor so disappointed. But she was. She kept reading.

> “ _ But perhaps a new age is dawning for the Luthor name. A fresh face has taken over as CEO of the Luthor brand, and she has taken major strides toward turning the company and, subsequently, the family name into a force of goodwill and positive progress. She calls herself Lena. _
> 
> _ I had the pleasure of sitting down with the head of the newly rebranded L Corp to discuss what it means to be a Luthor, how she intends to reverse a legacy that has been built for generations, and why she decided to be the one to tackle this challenge.” _

The surprise grew tenfold and the disappointment vanished. Lena’s eyes swept the two page article, reading it over once, twice, a third time. Kara hadn't just cast her into a positive light. She'd practically sold Lena to the public as the person who was going to change the entire world for the better, someone who would be known for generations to come as a figurehead of a global-wide movement for good.

Lena sat back in her chair, laying the magazine down on her desk. Her mind was reeling, looking for an explanation. Did Kara want something from her? Was this a power play? Was she going to build Lena up just to destroy her when the opportunity presented itself? But, Lena realized, Kara stood to lose more than she had to gain from this article. A great many people still hated the Luthors by principle. Kara championing for the name could very likely harm both her personal and professional image. 

A strange mix of confusion and gratitude swirled in her mind. She stood, picking up her phone to call Kara and thank her. But then another thought occurred to her. Kara deserved more than a simple verbal thank you. Lena pressed the paging button of her desk phone.

“Jess.”

“Yes, Ms. Luthor?” came the prompt reply.

“I need a delivery made to Kara Danvers.”

 

* * *

Kara slid her fingers back along her temple absently as she read through her article for the umpteenth time since the issue had released. Her eyes were focused, assessing each sentence critically. Had she done Lena justice? Was it too heavy handed? Could Lena see straight through her sorry attempts to bridge the gap between the two of them? Kara sighed and pushed the magazine away, rubbing her eyes behind her glasses.

What’s done is done, she reminded herself, but the nerves in her stomach didn’t seem to care. She wanted to call Lena to see how she felt about the article, but who knew if she’d even read it yet? Or if she’d even want to hear from Kara about it? Kara decided to avoid seeming too eager and causing herself further embarrassment. 

A knock on the door frame startled her from her thoughts. She looked up, smiling out of habit. The building postman stood there with an electronic tablet in his hand. 

“Delivery for you, Kara,” he said, holding the tablet out to her. 

She stood and hurried around her desk to sign, her eyebrows wrinkling in confusion as she took the tablet. 

“For me? You sure?”

“Pretty sure,” he laughed. “I don’t know of any other Kara Danvers that work at Catco.”

She finished signing and handed the tablet back to him. He pocketed it and turned to hoist a massive bouquet of white flowers from his delivery cart. 

“Here you go,” he said cheerfully, handing it to her before turning and wheeling the cart away down the hall. 

Kara stood still for a few long moments, holding the bouquet, staring at it like she had never seen one before. It was beautiful, the vase overflowing with long-stemmed lilies and carnations and flowers she had no name for. She noticed a small note card tied to one of the stems and she flipped it open in one hand, reading the inscription on the inside. 

 

> _ You really have a way with words. I’d like to treat you to dinner as a thank-you. Farm Spirit restaurant, Saturday at 7?  - _ __ Lena _ _
> 
>  
> 
>  

A smile spread slowly across Kara’s face, delight running from her chest to the tips of her fingers. So Lena had seen the article. And, better than that, she’d  _ liked _ it. Kara spun to trot back to her desk, only just barely holding back an excited squeal. She set the vase down, bouncing a little on her tiptoes as she toyed with the arrangement, her fingers drifting across stems and petals so they fell naturally into place. The fragrance of the flowers was already spreading across her office. The smell seemed to match her mood, light and happy and sweet. She sat back down to work, but more than once that day she caught herself smiling dreamily at the bouquet. 

She very nearly forgot to let Lena know that she’d be happy to join her for dinner until that evening when she was leaving work. She texted her personal number.

_ [Kara, 6:42pm] Thank you so much for the flowers, they’re beautiful. I’d be happy to come to dinner on Saturday. Should I meet you there? _

The speed of Lena’s response was a little surprising.

_ [Lena, 6:42pm] I’m glad you liked them. I can pick you up if you’d like. _

Butterflies erupted in Kara’s stomach and she smiled, biting her lip without realizing.

_ [Kara, 6:43pm] That would be great! I’ll see you then :) _

_ [Lena, 6:43pm] Very much looking forward to it. Goodnight, Kara. _

 

* * *

 

When Lena went to pick Kara up, she registered vaguely how strange and ironic it was that she’d never felt more nervous than she was right now. She’d stood in front of crowds of thousands, presented wildly divergent business proposals to boards of foreign billionaires, received death threats, testified in court against her own brother with exactly no one there to support her, but none of it had ever shaken her this much. She only had a chance to idly wonder if feeling this way was normal when Kara opened the door. She looked radiant, dressed in a knee-length skirt and sleeveless blouse. Her eyes sparkled behind her glasses. Lena had to catch her breath, as she always did when seeing Kara again.

“You didn’t have to come all the way up here,” Kara smiled at her. “You could’ve just texted me, I would’ve come down.”

Lena realized she was right and was suddenly worried that she seemed too overeager. This wasn’t a date, after all. It was a thank-you dinner, nothing more. Of course only now she realized that shouldn’t have been so chivalrous and formal.

She smiled through the doubts. “Well, I thought it might be rude not to come get you personally. You are the VIP tonight, after all.”

Kara dipped her head, blushing, waving away the compliment as they made their way down the hall.

“It was just a little article. And honestly, I didn’t write anything that you didn’t give me. I was just the scribe.”

“You flatter me,” Lena said. “I just hope you know how much it means to me...”

Kara looked at her a little shyly, and she had to try not to stutter as her sentence finished itself without her mind’s approval.

“...and to L Corp, to have such high praise published in a magazine as big as Catco.”

Kara glanced away, nodding as they pushed the doors open to the outside.

“Right, of course. I’m always happy to help, obviously.”

The conversation on the drive was light and casual. Lena watched Kara out of the corner of her eye, only glancing over when she was sure Kara wasn’t looking at her. She didn’t want to seem too forward, to initiate eye contact that she knew she wouldn’t be able to break. 

The host recognized Lena on sight and didn’t even ask for her reservation time, instead escorting the two of them back to a small booth in the corner of the room. 

“Bring a wine menu, please,” Lena said as she took a seat. She looked across at Kara. “Do you drink?”

“Yes, I do, even though it doesn’t anything for me…” Kara cleared her throat, hands suddenly busy with her roll of utensils. “Taste-wise, I mean, it doesn’t do a lot for me taste-wise. I do like some drinks though! Amaretto is good, and so is whiskey. Very warming. I like that in a drink.”

She laughed and the sound was a little higher pitched than usual. Lena couldn’t help but smile in amusement.

“Well, how do you feel about wine?”

“Um, wine? Wine is great. I love wine.”

Lena took the menu that their host had brought back to them and handed it over to Kara.

“In that case, take your pick. We’ll get a bottle to share. We are celebrating, after all.”

“Oh,” Kara said, stammering a little. “No, no, you don’t have to do that, it’s really alright.”

Lena waved her hand. “Please. I insist.”

Kara flushed slightly and looked down at the menu, adjusting her glasses. 

“Okay. Well...let’s see. Um…”

Lena took a sip from her water glass, appraising Kara over the rim. Her forehead was wrinkled as she scanned the menu, the crease becoming the most pronounced right between her eyes. Her mouth moved minimally, mouthing the names of the different wines. She propped her elbow on the table, glancing up at Lena as she read slowly through the options.

“Hm, merlot, pinot noir...pinot blanc? Shilvaner... grenache, zinfandel…”

“Nothing sparking your interest?” Lena asked. She kept her tone light, but wondered if she’d brought Kara to the wrong restaurant. Maybe her preferences in wine were more diverse than Lena had anticipated. 

Kara laid the menu down slowly, pursing her lips. 

“I’m sorry, I…”

“We can go somewhere else,” Lena said quickly. “The selection here isn’t the best. I’m sure I can get us into a different place, I’d just have to make a call…”

“No, Lena,” Kara said, looking surprised. Then she sighed. “I’m sorry, I...I lied. I don’t know anything about wine. My sister drinks it every now and again and I’ve had some of hers but that’s it.” She laughed, embarrassed. “I’m not even sure what kind she drinks. It’s red. That’s about as far as my knowledge goes.”

Lena laughed quietly, relieved. “Well that’s quite alright. In that case, do you mind if I order for us?”

Kara shook her head. “Not at all. Order away.”

Lena chose a fine merlot which Kara seemed to like very much. They talked over wine and appetizers, the conversation never lagging even after the main course arrived. Lena found herself neglecting her food, instead caught up in listening to Kara speak. Kara seemed more subdued than when they had met over lunch. Maybe it was the dim lighting in the restaurant that made everything seem a shade darker, or it could’ve been the effects of the wine. But she spoke slower, sounding more relaxed and at ease than before. Every so often she would look up at Lena and her gaze would linger, their eyes locked, making Lena’s heart catch in her chest. 

The dessert course had just arrived when Lena heard a muted humming sound. Kara apologized, pulling her phone from her purse. She looked at the screen, then up at Lena.

“I’m sorry, I need to take this.”

“Of course,” Lena said. 

Kara stepped into an alcove near the bathrooms.

“Alex?”

“Supergirl, we have a situation.” Alex’s voice was tight.

“What’s going on?”

“System breach. Our security protocols have been overridden. The doors on all the cells are unlocked. We’re deploying sleeping gas but it will only last for so long. We need you here for damage control until our system is back online.”

Kara clenched her fist, willing herself not to punch a hole in the wall. Tonight, of all nights. 

“I’m coming,” she said.

She went back into the dining room, her eyes on Lena, irrational disappointment thick in her chest. The DEO needed her and she knew that she should just rip out of her civilian disguise and fly,  _ now _ . But she couldn’t just leave without a proper goodbye, a sincere thank you. 

Lena looked up as she approached. Her pleasant smile vanished as she saw the look on Kara’s face and she stood quickly.

“Kara? What’s wrong?”

Kara shook her head, hardly able to meet Lena’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I hate that I keep doing this to you. I...I have to go. There’s a family emergency.”

Lena’s brows creased, her eyes worried. 

“You don’t need to apologize. We can go right now, I’ll give you a ride anywhere you need.”

Kara touched her hand, stopping her from picking up her purse. 

“It’s alright. You’ve been drinking, you shouldn’t drive. My sister is already outside anyway.”

Lena gave Kara’s fingers a squeeze.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No, it’s alright. Thank you for tonight, Lena. Honestly, it was….more than I deserve.”

“It’s nothing,” Lena said. “Go now. Your sister is waiting.”

Kara nodded, looking at Lena one more time before she turned and left, her fingers falling away from Lena’s hand.

 


	4. Chapter 4

[Kara, 8:24am] Hey, Lena. I wanted to apologize for the other night. I’m sorry I had to run out on you like that.

**[Lena, 8:27am] You really don’t need to apologize. I understand. Is your family alright?**

[Kara, 8:27am] Yeah, they’re okay. Sort of a false alarm. 

**[Lena, 8:32am] I’m glad to hear that.**

**[Lena, 8:33am] What about you? Are you okay?**

[Kara, 8:34am] Aside from feeling like a total jerk, I’m good

[Kara, 8:34am] Would you let me make it up to you?

**[Lena, 8:34am] You don’t have anything to make up to me, Kara. I promise.**

[Kara, 8:36 am] I know, but still. Some friends and I are going out for drinks this weekend, if you want to come along.

**[Lena, 8:40am] I wouldn’t want to intrude**

[Kara, 8:40am] You won’t be. You’ll be my guest. 

[Kara, 8:40am] The VIP, if you will :)

**[Lena, 8:41am] Only if you insist**

[Kara, 8:41am] Oh, I do

**[Lena, 8:42am] Then you can count me in. Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.**

 

* * *

 

Lena walked through the door of the bar and immediately regretted her choice of clothing. She was used to bars and clubs where black dresses and high heels were practically the dress code. This place, however, clearly had more of a jeans and t-shirt type of vibe. Lena pressed her hands against her stomach, absently smoothing the fabric of her dress as nerves made her fingers feel tingly. Kara would probably think she was some kind of pretentious ass, waltzing in here dressed to the nines.

She didn’t get a chance to worry about it any further as she saw a hand waving across the room. Kara had spotted her and was weaving through people and tables to make her way over. And sure enough, she was wearing a casual flannel button down with jeans and sneakers. Lena smiled apologetically when Kara was within earshot. 

“Looks like I’m a little overdressed,” she said. 

Kara gave her a once over, blushing a little as her shoulders raised and Lena worried that she was reacting to some secondhand embarrassment. 

“Maybe a little,” Kara said. “But, I mean, you look amazing. You’re putting the whole bar to shame.”

“I should go change…” Lena began, but Kara grabbed her elbow, stopping her preemptively.

“No! No, don’t go. Honestly, it’s no big deal. You’ll probably turn some heads but I’m sure that’s nothing new.”

Lena took a deep breath, glancing down at herself. “If you’re sure.”

“Sure I’m sure,” Kara said. She gestured Lena forward, guiding her across the bar. “Besides, everyone is really excited to meet you.”

The group gathered around Kara’s table turned almost simultaneously as they approached. Lena felt her defenses flaring up, sure that each one of them was sizing her up, passing instant judgements. “ _ So this is that new Luthor. Typical, walking in here like she owns the place. What is Kara thinking, being friends with this bitch?” _

No, she told herself firmly. They weren’t thinking that, they didn’t hate her on sight, and even if they did she’d win them over anyhow. 

“Everybody,” Kara said by way of introduction. “This is Lena. Lena, this is everybody.”

There was a chorus of “hi” and “hey, Lena” from the gathered faces, with a few waves. 

Kara pointed to each of them in turn.

“This is Winn, and this is James. We all work together. This is Lucy, she’s in the Army.”

“Was,” Lucy said with a dismissive wave and a small smile.

“My sister, Alex, and her girlfriend, Maggie.”

Alex held out her hand and Lena shook it. Alex seemed to be watching her closely, her large, dark eyes appraising Lena. Maggie was too, the slight upturn of her lips poorly masking the way her gaze swept across Lena like she was searching for something. 

“They both work for the police,” Kara said proudly. “Maggie’s a detective and Alex is a special agent.”

Ah. That explained a lot. 

“That’s very impressive,” Lena said, nodding to them. “Thank you both for the work you do.”

“Of course,” Alex said, and Maggie raised her beer in acknowledgement.

“So what do you drink?” Kara asked.

“I’ll just have what you guys are having,” Lena said. 

Kara cracked open a beer, passing it to Lena. James took a sip of his drink.

“Do you watch the news, Lena?” he asked.

“As often as I have time for. Why?”

“Well we were just talking about the train that Supergirl saved the other day. Did you see that story?”

Lena nodded. She had. One of Supergirl’s less popular saves. Apparently a freight train had been hijacked by some criminals who wanted to make an anti-coal statement by stealing the shipment and sending it down a track that was undergoing repairs. Supergirl had arrived in time to keep the train from hitting the broken tracks. She’d flown alongside it, matching its impressive speed, and grabbed the cab, lifting it and the entire train behind it. Of course, physics was not on her side, and several of the train cars broke off the tail end, crashing, spilling coal everywhere and creating a general mess. The public outcry about it had been substantial; everyone was an expert on trains, apparently, and they all thought Supergirl should have done every imaginable thing except for what she did.

James continued. “Winn was just saying that Supergirl should have welded the tracks back together with her heat vision.” 

Winn shot him a dirty look.

“She did a great job as it was,” he said defensively. “I just think it would’ve been a cleaner save.”

Kara huffed. “She was just doing her best, okay? I don’t get why everyone suddenly has to have an opinion. Maybe  _ they _ should try saving a speeding train and see how well it turns out for them.”

“I don’t think welding the tracks would’ve worked, actually,” Lena said. Everyone looked at her. “From what I saw, Supergirl only had a few seconds to work with. Even if she’d had the time, the metal wouldn’t be perfectly straight when she bent the ends back together, and the welding would be imperfect at best. If the metal was still hot when the train hit it, it could have very well just broken again, or the unevenness would’ve made the train jump the tracks altogether. Everything considered, physics-wise, she made the best call.”

Lena took a sip of her beer. “And besides, I know the CEO of that coal company. He’s a bastard. A few train-cars of coal is no skin off his ass, and he deserves the losses anyway.”

James sat back and laughed, nudging Winn. 

“See? Lena knows her shit and she agrees with me.”

Lucy rolled her eyes. “Whatever, James, you didn’t even have an opinion about it until Lena got here.”

Maggie leaned forward, eyeing Lena. “I’m surprised you’re not more critical of Supergirl, all things considered.”

Lena’s heart clenched at the inference.

“Maggie!” Alex said in a low voice.

“It’s alright,” Lena said, forcing a tight smile. “I know the Luthors aren’t exactly known for their friendliness to anyone, especially not aliens.” She looked at Maggie, meeting her eyes. “But I like to consider myself a black sheep when it comes to that kind of thing.”

Kara threw an arm around her shoulders, giving her a friendly shake, clearly trying to add a distraction to the situation.

“Well, I already know for a fact that you’re good people. And I’m sure Supergirl does, too.”

Lena glanced up at her, giving her a small, grateful smile.

“I certainly hope so.”

“Come on,” James said, pushing his chair back. “Let’s play some pool.”

Lucy, Winn and Kara all stood up. Kara looked at Lena expectantly, but she shook her head.

“Oh, no, I’m terrible at pool. I don’t even really know how to play.”

“That’s okay!” Kara said. “I can teach you.”

Lena thought of Kara’s hands on hers, guiding her movements, her voice close to her ear, instructing her on how to shoot. 

“I shouldn’t,” she said a little quieter, but Kara insisted and took her hand and she couldn't resist being pulled across the room to the waiting table.

“Okay,” Kara said in mock seriousness “First you have to choose your weapon.”

She gestured at the rack of pool sticks and Lena picked one at random, holding it up for Kara’s assessment.

“Good choice, I would’ve picked that one too.”

Kara turned to the others. “Okay guys, we’re just gonna do a quick run-through so I can show Lena the basics, and then we’ll get a real game going.”

Kara was a good teacher. She talked with her hands and bounced on her toes for emphasis as she outlined the point of the game, the rules, which balls meant what, which balls she preferred to use, what moves were illegals and what moves were a lot of fun. Lena was listening, she really was, but she was enthralled with the way Kara went on tangents every other sentence, with the way she leaned in close to Lena in order to be heard over the music, with the way she had a smile in her eyes every time their gazes met. 

“You got it?” Kara finally asked.

“I guess we’ll see,” Lena laughed.

Kara lifted the wood triangle from off the balls, placing the white ball carefully in place.

“Okay, you can break.”

Lena bent over the table, positioning her stick as best as she could. Then Kara’s hand was on her fingers, turning and positioning them carefully around the narrow end of the stick.

“So you just want to have your fingers kinda loose, like that, so the stick can slide easy. There you go.”

“Sorry,” Lena chuckled, shaking her head. “Everything I know about pool is based on movies.”

“Well you could’ve fooled me,” Kara said. “You’re doing great.”

Lena narrowed one eye and shot, completely missing the white ball and slamming the end of her stick into the assembled triangle of balls. They scattered, rolling every which way. Lena straightened, wincing.

“Well, now we know why my mother never got me into sports. It looks like my hand-eye coordination is non-existent.”

Kara was laughing good-naturedly, gathering the balls together again.

“Here,” she said, walking around the table to stand behind Lena. “I’ll help you.”

Lena’s heart raced into overdrive as Kara’s arms went around her, her palms laying gently against the backs of her hands. Lena knew she should be sighting down the pool stick, aiming, taking Kara’s directions straight to heart, but nothing was registering except the warmth of Kara’s body, the sound of her voice so close to her ear, the strength of her hands.

Kara shot, sending the white ball careening into the stacked colors. She straightened and stepped back, smiling at Lena. 

“See? I hardly did anything. You’re a natural.”

Lena nodded, hoping the flush in her cheeks wasn’t too visible in the dim lighting. Kara played a short game with her, and though Lena’s aim didn’t improve, she somehow still managed to sink more balls than Kara. She didn’t bother calling Kara out on her unnecessary kindness in letting Lena win. It was a sweet gesture. Besides, Kara looked more delighted over Lena scoring than herself, and Lena didn’t want her to stop smiling at her like that.

Finally, satisfied that Lena had been adequately instructed, Kara gathered the balls together again to begin another game with the others. They played in a round-robin style, giving everyone a chance to play and basing the points on individual balls sunk. Lena missed her shots horribly and laughed when Kara and the others teased her. Friendly trash talk and genuine cheers flew in equal parts across the table. Kara insisted that she and Lena were on the same team and Kara’s points counted for them both. Winn gave her a flying high-five and Kara hugged her after she scored her first point while James and Lucy whooped. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she felt warm, and she couldn’t stop smiling.

She was watching James take his turn when she looked up and saw Kara watching her. She was smiling, and when Lena caught her eye she tilted her head and gave her a small, jaunty wave. Lena didn’t know why a strange giddiness filled her chest, but it did, and she waved back a little shyly, unable to hide her own smile.

Finally, her heels called her pool playing to a halt. She excused herself to go sit down, insisting she’d be back to kick everyone’s ass once her feet had a chance to rest. She sat, exhaling a sigh of relief as she pulled her shoes off and massaged her feet beneath the table.

Alex and Maggie looked amused, and Alex winced sympathetically.

“Yeah, that is exactly why I don’t do heels.”

“And cause you can’t walk in them to save your life, Danvers,” Maggie added. Alex laughed and told her to shut up.

“Hey, we’re gonna get some shots,” Alex said, standing. “You want anything?”

Lena nodded. “A whiskey, neat, would be great. Thank you.”

“You got it.”

Lena slid her heels back on, flexing her feet to settle them in. The front door opened and she glanced over her shoulder. A tall man with glasses and a handsome face walked in. He greeted Alex and Maggie briefly and spoke to them for a moment before they pointed in the direction of Kara and her pool game. He walked across to her, passing Lena without a second glance. When Kara saw him, she beamed and gave him a hug. 

Lena felt her smile fade. Her heart sank into her stomach and she looked away.

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid _ , she thought, equal parts furious and pained. 

She didn’t want to look, but she couldn’t help herself. The man, whoever he was, had clearly only come here for Kara. He stood near her, sometimes rubbing her shoulders, sometimes leaning in much too closely to talk to her. Kara smiled at him, letting him take her turns at pool and finish her beer, laughing at his antics. Lena felt sick. Alex and Maggie returned with the shots and she knocked hers back with hardly a second’s hesitation. 

She saw Alex’s eyebrows raise but didn’t deign to acknowledge the look.

“You know him?” she asked, trying to keep her voice pleasant, nodding at the newcomer. 

“Oh yeah,” Alex said, and Lena couldn’t quite place the tone of her voice. “That’s Mike. He’s a friend of Kara’s.”

Lena wanted to say something, wanted to ask who the hell he was, where he came from, and where the fuck he got off touching Kara so casually when every movement she made should have sent butterflies rushing from his chest outward. But she didn’t. 

She looked deliberately away from the pool tables, forcing a pleasant expression. “So how did you and Maggie end up dating?”

She tried to listen as Alex told their story, but she kept hearing the crack of pool balls and Mike’s voice and Kara’s answering laughter and she felt her stomach twisting into tighter and tighter knots. She watched Alex and Maggie as they told their story of meeting, working together, falling hard and fast. They kept glancing at each other, laughing as they recalled their earliest encounters, love in their eyes and their voices. Their happiness was nearly tangible and Lena’s thoughts felt like they were trying to crawl out of her brain. 

She imagined standing suddenly and striding across the room with singleness of mind, taking Kara’s arm, turning her away from Mike, away from the whole world, touching her soft cheek, and kissing her, kissing her, kissing her. Forget everything,  _ fuck _ everything else. Just make it known, tell the whole bar and then the whole world that her heart lay weak in Kara Danvers’ gentle, open hands. 

And then, with a stab of pain, of course, watch Kara pull away, watch her eyes cloud with worry, with apology,  _ “I’m sorry, Lena, I just don’t feel that way about you,”  _ watch everything come down in flames the way it always did. 

“Lena?” Alex’s voice saying her name startled her into reality. Alex looked worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry,” Lena said quickly, straightening, blinking. “I’m sorry, I - I get these bad headaches sometimes. They’re a little distracting.”   
“Can I get you anything? Some water?”

“No, that’s alright. I think I might need to head home.” She stood, picking up her purse. “Can you tell Kara thank you for me? It was good to meet you.”

Lena walked away without waiting for a response, a mixture of loud, heavy emotions sitting on her chest, crushing her, making her feel dizzy, making her fingers tingle but not in a good way. She pushed through the bar doors to the night outside, stopping sharply on the sidewalk. She was breathing harder than she needed to; tears were choking her eyes and throat. She lifted her hand, hailing a cab, giving the driver her address before slumping back against the seat, her palm over her eyes, her mouth quivering. 

She didn't see Kara run out of the bar behind her, calling her name. She didn't see her shoulders slump as she watched the taxi drive away. She didn't see her turn with her hands on her head, or hear her quiet, frustrated expletives. She didn't see the tears in her eyes. 

 

* * *

 

Lena was tired of waiting. She paced the room, poured herself another shot and downed it, paced some more. When she heard the whoosh of Supergirl’s arrival she finally stood still, her back to the balcony door, her hand in a fist on her chest of drawers. She heard her footsteps.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t get here any faster…”

Lena wasn’t listening. She was finished listening, finished thinking, finished feeling. She turned sharply, sliding her hand around the back of Supergirl’s neck, and pulled her into a hard, hungry kiss. Supergirl seemed startled; Lena heard her sharp rush of breath. Then her hands were in Lena’s hair, her lips matching the rough movement of Lena’s mouth, their tongues meeting, sliding, pulsing. Lena tightened her fingers around a handful of Supergirl’s hair, dragging her closer. Supergirl grunted quietly and leaned down, picking Lena up in a fluid movement, breaking the kiss and moving her lips to Lena’s neck. She backed up to sit on the bed, Lena straddling her lap. She kissed the skin of Lena’s throat roughly, biting hard enough that Lena knew it would leave a mark. She didn’t care; the pain felt like freedom, and she couldn’t get enough. 

Supergirl’s hands dragged down her back, fingers cocked like claws. Lena arched against her, moaning at the sensation. She reached down, pulling the hem of her dress up and over her own head and tossing it carelessly to the floor. Supergirl held her hips closely, kissing down her neck to the skin of her exposed chest. Lena threw her head back, grinding down in a hard, steady rhythm. Supergirl’s mouth dug bruises into her skin, deep enough to ache, steady enough to keep her anchored, to keep the tears at bay. 

She closed her fingers around Supergirl’s throat. Her lips pressed to the top of her ear. 

“Fuck me,” she ordered, her voice low and harsh. 

Supergirl didn’t need to be told a second time. Lena saw the snarl on her mouth, the clench of her jaw. Then her fingers were ripping her underwear away, leaving them hanging haphazardly on her thigh, and she was pressing up through Lena’s wetness. Lena bucked instinctively, her grip tightening. She sank herself onto her fingers, embracing the shock of pain that came from going so deep so fast. Her teeth closed over Supergirl’s shoulder, stifling the groan spilling from her throat. She rose and fell like a wave, thrusting down hard, meeting the powerful pulse of Supergirl’s hand in a heavy rhythm. Her body rolled against Supergirl’s strong torso. The heat between them was almost unbearable. Almost. 

Supergirl leaned up to kiss her and Lena suddenly couldn’t stand the idea of it, of any lips on hers that didn’t belong to Kara. And she hated herself for it, for making a fool of herself, for falling into this trap again and watching it close and having the audacity to be surprised at the pain. A cry ripped from her lips and she leaned up and back, away from Supergirl’s mouth. She thrust her hips down hard, angrily, a reminder of exactly what this was. She squeezed her fingers hard around Supergirl’s throat, jarringly, but she couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Fuck me,” she snarled. 

Supergirl seemed to understand. Her lips found Lena’s chest again, her free arm tightening around her back, her hand moving with fury between Lena’s legs. Lena rocked into her, bracing herself on her shoulders. She gasped for breath between clenched teeth, every muscle in her body taut. Her orgasm was growing, hard and angry and deep in her belly. Supergirl bit a particularly tender patch of skin and the pressure behind her eyes increased.

“Lena,” Supergirl moaned.

She was weak; she heard Kara’s voice for an instant. Shamefully wishful thinking, but it was enough. Pain lanced through her heart and she came hard. A rough cry tore from her throat. She threw her head back, her hips grinding down, riding out the waves of heat. The release was more than she could control. She felt tears sliding from her tightly closed eyes and, as her body shook with orgasm, there was nothing she could do about it. Then it finished, passing through her with a final tremor. She fell forward against Supergirl’s shoulders, panting.

Supergirl extracted her fingers gently and Lena slid backward off her lap, crossing to the side of the bed without so much as glancing at her. She sat on the edge of the mattress, shoulders tight, muscles still trembling, heart rate hardly slowing. Another tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she brushed it away hastily. She heard Supergirl stand and she knew she was looking at her. 

“Lena?”

“What?” Lena snapped, closing her eyes at the sharpness of her own voice.

Supergirl was quiet for a long moment. When she spoke again, her voice was subdued.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Another long pause. Lena wished she would just fucking leave. She felt sobs making her chest shake but she didn’t dare let them out. 

“Do you want me to stay?”

The question was startling and Lena almost broke. She wanted to say yes. More than anything she wanted to fall asleep with some warmth beside her, wanted arms to cradle her as she cried. But to use Supergirl for that too would be cruel. 

“No,” was all she could manage, but even then she heard her voice break.

She didn’t dare look over her shoulder. She knew Supergirl was hurt, and rightly so. Lena was the monster once again, the consumer, the destroyer. The place where all things good and free and light came to die. 

“Just go,” she said quietly. 

Supergirl’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “Lena…”

“Go!” Lena yelled. “You know the rules. You’re here to fuck me, and you’ve fucked me. Now get out of my apartment.”

She thought she heard a sob but she couldn’t be sure and when she turned to look over her shoulder, Supergirl was gone. 

Lena cried herself to sleep and when she slept she dreamed of Supergirl and Kara. They were walking away from her into darkness, and as fast as she ran, she couldn't catch them. As loud as she cried out to them, they didn’t hear her, didn’t turn to her or slow down. Then they were gone and she was alone, alone, alone. 


	5. Chapter 5

She agonized for a week before finally sending Supergirl a text, brief and impersonal.

_ Come over. We need to talk. _

Her hands were shaking and she felt choked by tears. She nearly didn’t send the message, but her conscience was uncharacteristically insistent. This couldn’t continue. The sound of Supergirl’s sob from the other night had stayed with Lena, haunted her, pricked at her mind in every quiet moment. Their agreement had been sex, nothing more, but Lena hadn’t bargained on losing her heart to Kara and treating Supergirl like some kind of emotionless third party in the process. Whatever else Supergirl might have been, she was a living, feeling creature, and she deserved better than this, better than what Lena could give her. 

Still, it made Lena’s heart wilt to think of what she was about to do. Even though she couldn’t give herself fully to Supergirl, Lena couldn’t deny the affection she felt when she thought of her - her strong, soft hands, her sweet mouth, the way her arms around Lena made her feel safer than any other lover she’d had before. 

She shut her eyes, driving back the weakness that threatened to overwhelm her. It was over. Tonight, she would end it for good. 

* * *

Kara was in the middle of an emergency DEO brief. The details weren’t clear, but so far they knew that some of their agents had defected and taken some DEO weaponry with them on their way out. J’onn was briefing the staff, assembling teams for an immediate recovery mission.

But it wasn’t until her phone chimed and she saw Lena’s message that Kara’s heart dropped.  _ We need to talk _ . Lena never wanted to talk. Scenarios rolled through her mind, each one more dire and anxious than the one before, but she pushed the thoughts back as best as she should. She touched Alex’s shoulder, drawing her aside.

“I need to go,” she said quietly.

“Now?” Alex asked. “Supergirl, this is an emergency.”

“I know,” Kara said, thinking quickly. “I want to do a survey of the city ahead of the first patrol, see if I can give a better idea of which way these guys went.”

Alex was quiet, her eyes shifting as she thought. 

“Fine,” she said finally. “Radio me if you find anything. And if you do see them, wait for backup before you do anything else. They have Kryptonite weapons.”

“I will,” Kara promised. She gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, then turned and sped from the DEO, leaving Alex watching the place her sister had disappeared. 

 

* * *

 

She scanned the streets as she flew, taking the most roundabout way to Lena’s penthouse to cover the most ground, trying to make her lie a little smaller. There was no sign of the defectors. 

“I’ve got nothing, Alex,” she said into her earpiece. “But I’ll keep looking.”

She meant it. She’d talk to Lena and then she’d be out searching again. It wouldn’t be more than a few minutes, tops, she was sure. Or, at least, that’s what she told herself.

When she touched down on the balcony, she could see Lena inside. She was standing, facing the balcony. Her eyes were red, her cheeks flushed. She’d been crying. Supergirl was inside in a few strides, her heart in her throat, her hand outstretched to cup Lena’s face. A low question,  _ “What happened? Did someone hurt you?”  _ was at the back of her tongue when Lena held out a hand, stopping her in her tracks.

“Don’t,” Lena said. Her voice was thick, but her brow was set in determination. “I have to do this.”

“Do what?” Kara asked.

Lena paused, and opened her mouth to reply, but whatever words she wanted to use next never had the chance to emerge, because suddenly the front door had slammed open and people, masked and dressed in black, were coming in the door. 

Kara only had a moment to react, to realize what was happening. Four...five...six of them. They had guns, aimed at Lena, then at Kara. There were shouts, and Kara didn’t bother to hear them. She was lunging forward, arms wrapping around Lena’s body, tucking her into her chest as she turned her back on the intruders, making for the balcony. Lena held onto her tightly, her body rigid with fear.

_ Save her, save her, save her. _

Kara was at the door, about to lunge into the sky, when she felt it.

Pain.

Searing, stinging, wild. In her ankle and the back of her bicep and her thigh. 

_ Pain _ .

Rao, she’d forgotten what it felt like. Weakness began crawling through her limbs and she stumbled, collapsing to the balcony floor, turning just in time to take the weight of the fall on her shoulder, saving Lena from the impact. Three men were on her then, two of them dragging Lena away from her, the other crushing the butt of his weapon into Kara’s jaw.

He’d made a mistake. She registered the ringing in her ears, the throbbing of her jaw, but the Kryptonite pellets in her leg and arm were small. They hadn’t done their full work yet. She grabbed the man’s wrist and twisted, snapping his bone clean. He screamed and she was on her feet, still stumbling, but standing. She gripped the back of his neck and threw him at the ground. His head cracked on the balcony floor and he lay still. 

She turned and bullet punched through her shoulder. Her body jerked, a cry exploding from her chest. Two more men coming within arm’s reach. She kicked one in the knee, snapping the joint sideways, taking his weapon as he fell and pitching it across the room, bringing another man down unconscious. A third man shot her again, once, twice, before she had his head between her hands. She brought their foreheads together, hard, and he sank to the floor.

Her strength was fleeing; blood ran down her limbs. She dropped to one knee.

_ Lena. _

The two remaining men were dragging her away, nearly to the open door now. Lena was fighting, struggling furiously in the arms of her captors. Her eyes met Kara’s. Desperate, terrified, pleading. Her lips formed words that Kara couldn’t hear. Kara stood, ready to fight, ready to die. 

Then there was a gun barrel to Lena’s temple. And a snarling voice, threatening.

“One more step and she dies.”

Kara froze, shaking, bleeding, the Kryptonite embedded in her body screaming at her. She couldn’t move fast enough to blind them, couldn’t blast his hand to pieces with her heat vision, couldn’t rip their bodies apart. 

“Do it,” the voice said, but not to Kara. 

The other man holding Lena made a shrugging motion, hefting a gun the size of his arm. Kara recognized it. The end of the barrel flashed green, and Kara took a step back before she was on her knees again. It was done now, she thought. The pain was heavy in her stomach and it spread across her whole body. She shook. Lena was screaming.

_ “No, no, no.” _

Lena was being dragged away, through the door, kicking, fighting, disappearing.

_ No, no, no.  _

Kara was on her back. Her heart was loud, heavy, tired. It made her chest tremble. It made her veins scream. 

_ Lena _ .

“Alex,” she said to the voice in her head. “Alex, please help me. They have her. They have Lena.”

Then blackness billowed up and everything went away.

 

* * *

 

She woke bathed in yellow light. A heart monitor beeped nearby. Someone was holding her hand. Alex, her head bowed and resting on her forearm, her thumb running along Kara’s fingers. Her hair fell in front of her face, but Kara heard her deep, shaky breath, that unmistakable sniffle. 

Kara tried to speak, to say her name, but her mouth was too dry. No sound emerged. She squeezed Alex’s hand as gently as she could manage.

Alex’s head shot up, her eyes wet with tears, her cheeks flushed.

“Kara!” she said, and her voice cracked. She stood, leaning over Kara, holding her hand tight to her chest. “Kara, you’re awake. Are you alright? How do you feel?”

Kara went to speak, then cleared her throat, swallowed, and tried again.

“I’m okay,” she said weakly. “I’m okay. What happened?”

Even as she asked, the events at Lena’s apartment rushed behind her eyes, reminding her. She sat up quickly. A flash of pain, like a bruise getting punched, shot through her abdomen. She hissed, clutching at her stomach.

“Kara, you need to stay still.”

“Where’s Lena?” Kara demanded. “Is she alive? Did you save her?”

Alex’s eyes went soft and she touched Kara’s arm.

“She’s alive.”

“I need to see her,” Kara said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the fresh wave of pain.

“Kara,” Alex said firmly, gripping her shoulders. “Listen to me.”

Her tone put sickness in Kara’s chest. She already knew, she could already see it in Alex’s eyes. She didn’t want to hear it, too. But the pain in her stomach was great and she stayed still.

“We don’t know where she is,” Alex said slowly. “We received a video last night showing that she’s still alive, but her captors warned us not to come looking or they would kill her.”

Furious tears filled Kara’s eyes. “We have to get her out of there, Alex. There has to be a way. We can’t just do nothing.”

“I know, Kara. We apprehended the men you knocked out and we’re interrogating them right now. We’ll find--”

Kara didn’t wait for Alex to finish. She was off the bed and storming out the glass doors of the medical bay, ignoring Alex’s shouts for her to come back. She heard Alex’s footsteps coming after her. Her medical gown ruffled at her knees and she pressed her hand against her belly, willing the pain to subside. But she didn’t stop.

She barged into the temporary holding cells where she knew the DEO held interrogations. She saw J’onn sitting in one of them, across the table from a man with a sizeable bruise on his forehead. J’onn turned as she passed, but she didn’t acknowledge him, moving to the next cell that held only one person. Kara recognized him from the splint on his wrist. She didn’t bother with an access code, instead ripping the cell door off its hinges and tossing it aside. 

The man nearly jumped out of his skin, and he actually screamed when he saw her, shoving himself away from the table and accidentally toppling his own chair. Kara swooped, catching him by his throat and lifting him effortlessly to slam him against the wall. He clawed at her wrist, his feet dangling.

“Where is she?” Kara roared. “Tell me where they took Lena Luthor!”

The man spluttered, face purpling. She pressed her hand against his stomach and released his throat to hold his collar instead. He gasped heavily, coughing. 

“Tell me!” she demanded, shaking him roughly. 

“Supergirl!” Alex shouted behind her. “That’s enough!”

“No,” Kara seethed. “It’s effective.”

“Help...help me!” the man begged, looking over Kara’s head.

Kara activated her heat vision, making her eyes glow.

“They can’t help you,” she snarled at him. “If they make a single move, I’ll fry your brain. And we’ve got three more of you waiting to tell us exactly what I want to know. I have no reason to keep you alive, unless you tell me where… they took... Lena.”

“The warehouses by the docks,” he blubbered. “They’re at the warehouses on the south end.”

“Which one?” Kara snapped, her eyes still glowing.

“Warehouse 58. Please - please don’t kill me.”

“Why did they take her? What do they want?”

“They’re trying to build a weapon, okay? I don’t know what for. They need her to build it. And she’s their insurance. No one will try anything if they think a billionaire’s neck is on the line.”

Kara dropped the man roughly and turned on her heel. She didn’t look at Alex or J’onn, pushing past them out the door of the cell. 

“Get a team together. I’m getting my suit on and we’re going after her.”

Her hands were shaking when she got back to the medical bay. She didn’t know where her suit was, or if it was even wearable, and she stood at the side of the bed, her back to the door, gripping the sheets to keep herself under control. She heard Alex come in behind her. 

“Kara,” she said.

“He deserved that,” Kara said, ignoring the tear that dropped from the end of her nose onto the bedclothes. “Worse, even. I went easy on him.”

“What happened back there?” Alex’s voice was soft and gentle. “At Lena’s apartment, I mean.”

Kara clenched her eyes shut as the memories swirled through her mind again. Having Lena taken from her arms. Kara ripping through her enemies like she didn’t care if it killed them. Lena’s screams as she was dragged from the apartment. 

Kara’s lips curled away from her teeth in an agonized snarl.

“It doesn’t matter. I have to get her back. It’s my fault they took her, I should’ve saved her, I could’ve stopped them but I didn’t. I told her I’d keep her safe and I failed, I failed and now she’s in danger and I have to save her, I have to…”

Alex’s arms were around her shoulders then, pulling her into a hug. Kara leaned into her, crumpling. The tears began to fall. Sobs racked her chest, sending pain through the healing wound on her stomach. Alex’s hand pressed comfortingly against the back of her head, her voice soothing in Kara’s ear.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered. “You did everything you could.”

Kara shook her head, her breath hitching. “I should’ve done more, I should’ve stopped them…”

“Hey,” Alex said, pulling back, taking Kara’s face in her hands. “Look at me.”

Kara lifted her gaze to meet Alex’s and was surprised to see tears in her dark eyes. 

“You almost died,” Alex said, her voice just above a whisper. “I found you and you were barely breathing. They pumped you so full of Kryptonite it’s a wonder you survived at all.” Alex closed her eyes, as if banishing some demons. She took a deep breath and looked at Kara again. “I’d say you did everything you could for Lena, okay? And now we’re gonna go after her and we’re gonna get her back. You hear me? We’ll get her back.”

Kara nodded, wiping away tears with the back of her hand.

“Okay.”

Alex pulled her close and kissed her forehead. 

“Good girl. Now go get dressed. I think they’ve finished repairing your suit. We can’t have Supergirl saving the day in a hospital gown.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Her jaw ached. The cut on her forehead had stopped bleeding, gratefully, but the dried blood felt tight on her skin. Her hands were bound behind her with what felt like duct tape and her wrists throbbed, fingers tingling with numbness. But she was alive. For now, she was alive.

The cloth bag over her head smelled musty. Her blindness was unsettling; every time something brushed against her she flinched instinctively, bracing for another punishing punch to the jaw. None were forthcoming for the moment, though her captors held her arms more tightly than she would have liked as they shoved her out of the van and began walking her forward. She was sure there would be bruises.

All was noise and disorientation, the voices around her blending together, the ground beneath her feet going from pavement to gravel to concrete. But she kept breathing, focusing on her lungs, on their cadence, on the steady, comforting throb of blood in her ears. The rhythm of her living body was all that kept her from screaming and fighting and likely earning a bullet in her skull.

She heard the beep of a radio’s channel being opened and one of the men spoke.

“We’re close, open the door.”

His voice was close to her ear and guttingly familiar. She heard it again, an echo from memory.

_“Do it.”_

She’d heard the emotionless command, and then she’d watched Supergirl die.

Supergirl. Bleeding and beaten and struggling to stand but ready to fight on, her hands in fists, her eyes wild with pain and fury. Ready to save Lena. Ready to do whatever it took. But then they’d killed her. A massive round of glowing Kryptonite to her stomach and she was stumbling backward, her expression shocked and pained, her arms dropping as she collapsed to her knees and toppled backward. Her lifeless body on the floor was the last thing Lena had seen before her kidnappers dragged her out the door.

Lena’s stomach writhed, her heart twisting in agony. Supergirl was dead and it was her fault. If she hadn’t asked her to come, if she’d waited just a few minutes longer to send that message, Supergirl would’ve been safe. She would’ve been alive.

A spasm of pain ripped through her jaw as she clenched her teeth to stifle her tears. She felt them run silently down her cheeks.

_Breathe in. One...two...three… Breathe out._

She stumbled as her feet hit a threshold. The men holding her dragged her forward all the same and she got her feet back underneath her, trying to keep up. The footsteps and voices began echoing in what sounded like a cavernous space. She heard a door closing behind her.

Then she was thrown to her knees. She couldn’t stop the yelp that escaped her as pain shot up her legs. The bag was torn from her head and she shrank a little, blinking against the sudden light. Her eyes watered. As her sight began to adjust, she scanned the room, making as little movement as possible. She was in a warehouse, the towering ceiling lost in shadows but everything else illuminated by giant floodlights set up across the floor. There were men, a lot of them, most of them looking at her but some working on armored vehicles and assembling weapons at a table nearby.

“Lena Luthor,” said a voice above her.

She looked up, doing her best to keep her expression under control. A man stood over her, a smug smile on his bearded face, his arms folded over his chest.

“We have some work for you to do.”

He turned and gestured behind him. She looked where he indicated, at a raised platform in the center of the warehouse. On it sat a missile, propped on its launch device, angled upward at the ceiling.

“You’re looking at the redemption of earth,” the man said. “We’re going to blow the DEO to hell, and all the aliens with it.” He laughed. “I never thought it would be so easy, but now we have you, and Supergirl is dead. It looks like our day has finally come.”

“And what makes you think I’ll help you?” Lena spat out.

He turned suddenly and kicked her in the stomach. Lena doubled over, a silent, breathless scream in her throat. The pain was shocking. She tried to inhale, to retrieve the breath she had been robbed of, but her lungs felt like they were spasming and she could only sip desperately at the air. An inhuman keening sound echoed through the warehouse and it took her a moment before she realized that it was coming from her.

The man crouched beside her.

“You’ll help us because if you don’t, I’ll kill you. And then I’ll just go find some other genius, and I’ll kill their family, and I’ll make _them_ help us. Understand?”

Lena nodded, not looking at him, still trying to breathe.

“That’s what I thought. Get her up,” he said to someone behind her.

She was hauled to her feet and the restraints were cut from her wrists. She brought her hands in front of her, flexing them slowly, locking her jaw to keep from crying out as the blood rushed painfully back into her fingers. The bearded man turned and walked toward the missile platform. A rude shove between her shoulder blades sent her after him, stumbling a little.

“We have nearly everything ready. What we need from you is to install a few extra goodies and re-route the targeting system to hit our good friends at the DEO. Can you do that for us?”

Lena looked over the exposed guts of the missile briefly.

“If I have the right tools,” she said.

“Not a problem,” he said, waving someone over. “We’ve got plenty of those.”

They gave her several canisters of glowing material, one green, one blue and one incandescent white.

“To make sure none of those alien fucks get out alive,” the bearded man chuckled, tapping one with his index finger.

They set her to work, two men watching her closely, weapons cradled on their chests in case she tried anything. She thought of making a run for it even as she began dismantling the interior of the missile, calculating the chances of one woman against what looked like twenty or twenty five men, all armed to the teeth. The odds weren’t good. And like the bearded man had said, if they killed her they’d just find someone else to do their bidding.

No, she thought. This was something she had to do.

As she began her work, her hands trembled. Rage and agony and fear surged through her veins, making it hard to focus. She thought desperately of a way out, a way to save the DEO, a way to save herself, a way to turn back the clock and bring Supergirl back from the dead. No ideas were forthcoming. Tears pricked at her eyes, blurring her work. She paused for a moment, breathing deeply, willing her heartbeat to slow and her mind to calm.

A thought struck her then, hard and sudden, so clear it was like someone speaking to her. The emotions surging through her came together, condensing in the center of her chest like a protostar. She knew what she had to do. She could save the DEO and exact revenge for Supergirl in one fell swoop. Saving herself, however, was completely out of the question.

She brushed her hands against her eyes, clearing the tears away, and sighted up the length of the missile. The trajectory had to be altered, but only just.

She worked then, fueled with a singleness of mind. The warehouse and her captors faded into the background as she clipped wires and crossed them, attaching the glowing canisters and re-programming the missile functions. Her hands moved on their own after a certain point; mechanical work was easy, mindless once she was able to fall into the rhythm of it. Her consciousness found something better to fixate on, some ghosting memories to make what remained of her time feel worthwhile.

She thought of Kara. Her voice, her eyes, her smile, the way her hands moved when she talked, the way she looked at Lena like a friend. Kara. The bright point in all the stress and mess of rebuilding the Luthor name. The only one who saw Lena as a person first and a Luthor second, instead of the other way around. If only there had been more time, Lena thought, she would’ve been braver. She would’ve spoken up, she would’ve swallowed her fear and damned the consequences and told Kara how dear she was, how much Lena cared for her. How much Lena loved her. At least Kara would have known then. No matter what else happened, at least Kara would know the truth. At least Lena wouldn’t have to die with the word ‘love’ caught in her throat, in her thoughts. At least she could have died with some peace.

But a kinder part of her brain, one that she had rarely known, one that must have only made deathbed appearances, smoothed over her regrets. Kara knew, it told her. Kara must have known, she must have felt something. She was kind to everyone, but with Lena there was more than kindness in her eyes. It was more than politeness when she invited Lena to play pool and spend time with her loved ones. It was more than obligation that gave Kara that look in her eyes that always stole Lena’s breath away. There was more.

And maybe, just maybe, once it was all over she’d get a second chance to see Supergirl, to tell her how sorry she was, to thank her for keeping her warm and safe when she felt the most lonely. Maybe this, Lena’s atonement, would be enough to earn her a place somewhere a few rungs higher than hell. Maybe Supergirl would put in a good word for her at the top. After all, Lena had no doubt that Supergirl was bound for the best the afterlife had to offer. No one deserved it more.

Lena felt strangely comforted, more at peace than she ever would have bargained for at a time and place like this. She was grateful. Anguish would be distracting, slow her work, test the patience of the men who held her life in their hands. She could not afford to die before the time was right.

She didn’t know how long she had been working when she was finished, but her fingers ached and her neck was tight from sitting in her hunched position.

“It’s ready,” she said quietly, and one of her guards called the bearded man over.

“Take her,” he said.

The guards grabbed her arms again, dragging her off the platform to stand several meters away.

The bearded man called someone else up to examine the missile, to make sure everything looked in order. He inspected the inside of the missile, assessing it closely. Lena’s heart contracted. Any engineer who had ever worked with a weapon like this before would be able to note what was wrong with the wiring within moments. The seconds ticked by.

Then the man inspecting straightened and nodded at the bearded man.

“It’s good.”

Lena felt her chest nearly cave in relief. Either the man was stupid or he had lied about his missile knowledge. Either way, he’d given the answer the bearded man needed.

“Gear up!” he shouted, and there was an immediate rush of movement from the rest of the men assembled. “Get the bay door open. Once we launch this sucker we’re heading out to finish off whatever’s left of the DEO.”

“Sir,” one of her guards said. He gave Lena a rough shake. “What about her?”

“Cuff her to something,” he said dismissively. “And after the missile is off, kill her.”

Lena’s instincts stirred, rousing the sleeping fear that had fueled her for the hours she’d been working. She’d resigned herself to dying, but bound and shot like a dog? She hadn’t prepared herself for that. She struggled as they pulled her to the back of the warehouse, something animal rearing its head, roaring for her to fight for her life. She kicked at them, dropping her dead weight to hinder their progress. She managed to sink her teeth into the hand gripping her bicep. The man howled, and she was struck hard across the temple. Her vision went black for a moment, and when it cleared she was bound to the back wall of the warehouse, one handcuff on her wrist and the other locked to a steel shaft.

She felt wetness on her face and touched it gingerly. Her fingers came away red. The click of a gun being cocked sounded a few feet away. She didn’t have to look up to know what was waiting for her, but she did. One of her guards had his pistol leveled at her face.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “It’ll be over soon.”

She didn’t cry. She didn’t beg. Adrenaline made her tremble, but she kept her free arm tucked close to her body to hide it. She looked across the room to where the bearded man was inputting coordinates onto the missile’s targeting system.

“I know,” she said.

The bearded man turned to her, saluting her flippantly.

“Thanks for all the help, sweetheart.”

She didn’t smile so much as bare her teeth at him.

“My pleasure,” she said. He didn’t hear.

He pressed the launch button. The launch gear groaned and dropped suddenly, aiming the missile toward the ground. The rear of it sputtered, then flashed with a brief spurt of fire, launching the weapon all of twenty feet forward. It skid across the warehouse floor, a few feet out the gaping bay door, then lay still.

Lena was watching it, her heart racing uncomfortably fast. Her breath came quick. She was counting backward and praying.

The bearded man spun, furious, yelling.

“What the fuck did you--”

The missile exploded then. The sound alone was catastrophic, and witnesses later said they saw the light from the explosion for miles in every direction. The warehouse was leveled. No man standing within fifty feet of the blast survived it. Lena only saw the initial flash. Then the shock of the explosion knocked her unconscious. She was thrown, steel shaft, handcuffs and all, a hundred feet back from where the warehouse had once stood, landing unconscious in a confused array of burning rubble and blood and bodies.

 

* * *

 

She woke and the earth was singing, a high pitched ringing in her ears, and there was pain, everywhere, too much to understand. Her eyes were blurry. She blinked, and blinked again. Her vision ached, but she could see. There were flames. Something heavy lay over her leg. Pain. She pushed, bracing her shaking arms against it, pulled out from beneath it. Shadows clawed at the edges of her eyes. The fires were smoldering. Something glistened beside her. A face. A face, the man with the pistol, the man meant to kill her. Dead, blood shining on his face. She would’ve screamed but it was all trapped inside her. She could hear her lungs, her heart, racing, furious, frightened.

Voices. The ringing was fading, fading, and she heard voices. Howling, some with words, some without.

“Find her! _Find her! If she’s alive, kill that bitch!_ ”

Run, something said. They’ll kill you.

I shouldn’t be alive, she said back.

You’re alive, it said. Run.

She was free. The handcuff chain had snapped. She pushed herself up, sliding on the debris, stumbling on the pain. Her leg shrieked at her weight and she was limping, holding onto her arms. Nowhere to hide. Only wreckage and fire.

Go, go, go.

To the ocean. To the sea. The water was a friend, a safe place. She was limping forever. She heard gasping, something like sobbing. She didn’t know the sounds were her own. The water beckoned, glistening in the dark, shining like the moon. A friend.

She splashed in and the cold nearly swallowed her alive. She drowned in it for a moment, thrashing. Her lungs had gone silent but she forced them open, gasped at the air, breathing against the freezing water. She caught a rope threading around the dock, climbing it sideways, dragging her agonized body to the dark side, out of sight of the shore. She hung there, floating, shaking. Ripples of pain fled up and down her limbs, nowhere to go, no way to disappear. Her eyes closed. She remembered how to breathe. Her heart was beating still, throbbing away in her ears.

There were voices, footsteps on the docks, swaying beams of light. She breathed in. She pushed herself under, climbing down, down, past the lights, deeper than the dark. The cold was everywhere, leaking through her eyes, seizing her brain. She held on, letting her lungs freeze, feeling the pulse of her heart slow. It would be easy now to let go, to cling to the wooden beam until everything stopped and drifted away. The pain would stop. The cold would disappear. Every heartache, gone.

There was a voice, then. Familiar. Kind.

“Lena,” it said.

She was awake, pulling herself back to the surface, breaking through, breathing, shaking her head to clear the cold away but shivering still. The footsteps and voices and lights had gone. She was alive. She held on, draping her arm over a narrow beam, letting her numbed fingers float free. She was tired. The shivering was wearing her out, pushing her muscles on, on, on. She noticed the pain in her legs was gone. There was a clamor of worry somewhere deep in her mind, but it was silenced by the exhaustion sweeping through.

She hung, floating, breathing, heart beating, for years. Her eyes would drift shut and stay closed for hours, sometimes days. But that voice, that sweet voice, always pushed them open again.

“Lena,” it told her. “Don’t sleep. Don’t sleep.”

“I have to, Kara,” she mumbled, though her lips never moved. “I’m tired.”

“Stay awake with me,” Kara said. “Just for a little while.”

And she would. Because it was Kara. Because she loved her. Because she was asking so gently. Lena stayed awake.

There were sounds in the distance. Shouts. Gunfire. More swinging lights. But it was all part of a dream. It was a movie, and Lena was just watching. She stirred once, trying to get a better view, trying to cheer on the action, but she couldn’t. Her lungs were quiet. Her muscles were still. She kept floating.

Then a voice. The same voice. But not the same. Louder. Too loud, too panicked. Lena wanted to turn down the sound. It cracked like ice through her skull and she would have started to cry if anything had been able to move.

“ _Lena_!”

Then she was moving. But she wasn’t. She was being moved. Lifted from her bed of ice water, picked up gently, like a sleeping baby or a broken fawn. She was cradled. Her head lolled and then it was caught, held, rested. She was looking up at someone. Another face. This one glinted, too, but not with blood. If Lena could move she would have touched it.

“Kara,” she said. “I stayed awake.”

“Lena,” the voice said. The voice was crying. Kara was crying, and for the first time in years Lena felt her heart shift.

“It’s me, Lena. It’s Supergirl,” Kara said. “You’re safe now. You’re safe, okay?”

Lena felt confused, and heartsick. Something was waking up, something she’d put to sleep under the water.

“Supergirl,” she said softly.

“Yes, Lena. Supergirl. I’m here.”

Then Lena was shuddering again, her chest catching. Everything hurt. She heard her own voice and it was crying, stuttering. Her lips were frozen. Her throat felt stuck.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she said. “You died. You died for me. I’m sorry, Supergirl. I wanted to tell you. It’s my fault. I’m sorry they killed you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Supergirl was shaking her head. She took Lena’s wrist, pressing her palm against her chest. There was warmth. A heartbeat.

“No, Lena. I survived. I’m here. I’m alright. Do you see me? I’m alive. I’m alive.”

Lena couldn’t understand. She tried, but everything hurt. She looked up at her and saw Kara’s eyes filled with tears, heard Kara’s voice in her chest, felt Kara’s hand on her face. But Kara was soothing her, whispering.

“It’s me, it’s Supergirl, I’m alive.”

Supergirl. She should know, then. Lena saw the dead man’s bloody glistening face again, she heard the explosion again, she felt the heat and the pain, the pain crawling back up her leg, taking her over.

“Supergirl,” she said. “I stopped them for you.”

“I know,” Supergirl whispered. “I know you did. Thank you, Lena. You saved us.”

The pain was heavy. She trembled under its weight. She wanted to be strong but it was too much, too much. She could feel and it was killing her. There was a sting in her arm, and a woman’s voice.

“This will help her get warm again,” she said softly.

She was right. The warmth flooded from her arm to her chest to her head and stomach. It didn’t fight the pain but it matched it. It met with it head-on, crashing through her, giving her something else to feel. Her muscles relaxed. Unconsciousness tugged at her. She waited for Kara’s voice again, to tell her to stay awake. It was silent, and Lena felt lonely.

“I’m tired,” she said.

Supergirl looked scared, and she looked up at someone else.

“It’s alright,” said the woman with the soft voice.

“You can sleep, Lena,” Supergirl told her. “I’ll keep you safe this time. I promise you.”

Lena felt something. She wanted to speak, she wanted to get it all out of her, but she was slipping away. Another time, then, she thought. The pain faded and she closed her eyes, succumbing to the warmth and the darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A baby chapter as thanks for all your patience. A new full chapter will be up soon, I promise!

The sound of dying fires and the smell of burning flesh filled the air. They’d arrived at the scene of a warzone. There’d been survivors, and they’d been put down quickly and efficiently. Alex crouched over a body, rolling it over with the barrel of her gun. Not Lena.

“We’ll find her, Kara,” she said.

She stood, but Kara was looking away, toward the docks. All the color had drained from her cheeks.

“Lena,” she whispered.

Then Kara was gone, and she had sprinted to the docks in a flash of red and blue, and her scream was echoing over the water.

“ _ Lena! _ ”

Alex raced over in time to see Kara pull Lena out of the water. Alex felt the breath catch in her throat; Lena was still, limp in Kara’s arms, her skin pale except for where burns and cuts made angry red marks. Then she stirred, looking up at Kara. Her eyes were glassy, her breathing shallow, but she was alive, and Alex’s heart started beating again. If she’d died before they’d been able to get there, Kara never would’ve forgiven herself. 

“Get an ambulance here, now!” Alex shouted over her shoulder. She grabbed a blanket from one of the nearby medics, draping it across Lena’s body as Kara carried her. 

Kara was blind to the world, her gaze fixed on Lena’s wan face. She held her carefully, tenderly, her voice quiet as she murmured to her, keeping her awake, keeping her alive. Tears slipped down Kara’s cheeks. Alex looked away; the moment was too private, too personal for her to intrude upon. 

She and Lena were friends, Kara had told her. Good friends. But there was something Kara hadn’t mentioned, something Alex hadn’t felt was her right to point out. Lena knew Supergirl, and she seemed to know her intimately. It was clear, though, that Lena didn’t know that Supergirl and Kara were one in the same. And the look on Kara’s face when Lena said her name, when she had to deny who she was, when she had to blatantly lie to a woman who had nearly died for her, ripped Alex’s heart out. 

She knew what love looked like on Kara’s face. She had seen it in all its myriad forms, in every situation, in every degree. And she knew that’s exactly what was glinting in Kara’s eyes now. There was fear and there was pain and there was love. 

Alex stood close but angled herself away. She guarded Kara from the probing eyes of the other agents, sending them away with a glance when they met her gaze. 

One of the medics handed her a syringe.

“Shoulder shot,” she told her. “It’ll help combat the hypothermia until we can get her into an ambulance.”

Alex nodded. She turned, touched Kara’s arm carefully, ensuring that sure she knew Alex was there. She jabbed the point of the needle into Lena’s shoulder. Lena didn’t flinch. She never looked away from Kara’s face. 

“This will help her get warm again,” Alex said.

Kara nodded, glancing at her gratefully before she turned her eyes back to Lena.

Lena’s limbs relaxed, the shivers that spasmed through her body fading away. Alex heard her sigh.

“I’m tired.”

Kara looked up quickly at Alex, fear crossing her features. Alex knew her question before she asked it.

_ Is she dying? _

Alex shook her head, squeezing Kara’s arm. “It’s alright.”

Kara held Lena a little closer. She told her to sleep, promised to keep her safe. Lena’s eyes closed. 

Kara sank on the spot, crouching, clutching Lena’s body tightly. Her face flickered as she struggled to keep her emotions at bay. Alex wanted to say something, she wanted to hug Kara close, tell her everything would be alright, that Lena would make it through this. But she couldn’t. Kara deserved more than promises that Alex couldn’t keep. So she stood beside her, laying her hand on her shoulder, silently reminding her that she wasn’t alone, that Alex had her back. That she always would. 

At her touch, Kara crumpled, her head sinking onto Lena’s chest. She wept quietly, but Alex could feel the sobs racking her body and she had to fight to keep tears from her own eyes. 

She watched the night, standing amongst the smoke and the rubble, waiting for the ambulance, protecting her sister and her broken heart. 


	8. Chapter 8

_She was drowning. Sinking, sinking, sinking in cold water. It filled her veins, her lungs, her eyes. She was screaming soundlessly, choking. But her heart continued pounding, somehow, on and on and on. Never letting her die. Forcing her to drown forever. She thrashed. Desperation filled her. She clawed at the water, dragging it away, tearing great holes in it._

_Through the holes she could see a room. An apartment bedroom, with a large bed and a balcony door. Her bedroom. And in it, Supergirl. Supergirl strong and beautiful and brave. Lena was screaming again, louder, more frantic._

_Run, run, run._

_But Supergirl didn’t see her. She didn’t hear. She stood there and she took a hundred rounds of kryptonite. They shredded her body, her uniform, throwing blood across the walls, carving open her skin and muscles down to her bones. She collapsed. She was dead. Her blank eyes stared up at the ceiling. Her lips were moving. They were saying a name._

_“Lena. Lena. Lena.”_

_The chant filled her ears. It was deafening, agonizing. It shook her bones. She was being pulled into blackness, deeper than the ocean, deeper than space, colder than death, pulled down, down, down._

She woke, bolting upright. She didn’t scream, but she was clutching her chest, shaking, cold sweat rolling down her back and arms. Her breath came in gasps, trembling sobs for air. She blinked furiously, clearing away the visions of dead Supergirl, trying to shake off the feeling of cold water, of drowning, of darkness swallowing her alive. Her heart was pounding frantically and she leaned back, inhaling a shaky breath, letting it out unsteadily. She couldn’t shut her eyes; her dream lurked in the darkness. She breathed, her hand in a fist around her hospital gown.

Breathing. In, and out. In again, and out.

Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and she brushed them away hastily, ignoring the tremble of her lower lip.

It was just a dream. A dream built from the horrors of reality, from the monsters she’d seen and built and become. But just a dream.

She listened to the beep of her heart monitor slow. It was midday and her hospital room was full of light. She was grateful. The nightmares were much harder to chase away when she was alone in the dark. The adrenaline fading from her veins made her fingers cold and her chest feel weak. Her gaze wandered the room. Only the second day here and already it was too familiar. The flowers Jess had sent sat slightly wilted on her bedside table. Someone, probably an intern, had dropped off a bag of her clothes and toiletries for when she was discharged. Aside from that, the room was bare.

No visitors, of course. She’d need to have loved ones to have visitors. The nurse checked up on her frequently enough, but after she’d gotten past the worst of the hypothermia she’d clearly dropped on the priority level for the daily rounds. An orderly brought her meals three times a day, and that was all. She’d requested that no reporters be allowed in her room, but now, as the memories of the past days clawed at the back of her mind, she thought any kind of company would be welcome.

She picked up her phone, opening her messages and checking her email. All business. Every news outlet in the country wanted a statement from Lena, and most wanted a private interview as well. Jess had left those messages to Lena’s discretion, waiting for her to give the word on what response would be put out to the public. Everything else had been expertly handled. Lena thought idly that perhaps it was time that Jess got a raise.

She typed a brief response to the email about the interview.

_“Ms. Luthor is recovering quickly. She thanks Supergirl and local law enforcement for a speedy rescue, and the public for their support and discretion in this trying time. L Corp will continue its work of philanthropy and world-wide progress in business and charity ventures.”_

She felt a slight curl of dread as she placed her phone back on the bedside table. The media would have an absolute hey-day with a story like this. Billionaire and budding philanthropist Luthor kidnapped at gunpoint by violence-crazed anti-alien vigilantes. The amount of ways a story like that could be spun made her feel dizzy. And she’d have to wade through all of it for weeks, months, who knew how long. She’d have to re-live some of the worst days she’d ever had to experience over and over and over again. The thought made her feel like she was drowning again. She pressed a button nearby, upping her dose of morphine until her blood was buzzing just a little.

A noise in the hallway startled her. Someone was shouting.

“Miss? Miss! You can’t go down there, only friends and family are allowed! No reporters! Miss!”

There was a brief scuffle outside of Lena’s doorway, just beyond her line of sight. Then Kara stumbled into the room, pulling away from a frazzled and angry nurse who was right behind her.

“Miss Luthor,” the nurse gasped. “I’m so sorry, I tried to stop her, she was just so fast and I couldn’t hold her.”

Kara had a crooked, bashful smile on her face. She lifted her eyebrows in pleading as the nurse grabbed her arm again.

“It’s alright,” Lena said quickly. She felt a laugh in her chest at the sudden absurdity of the situation. “She’s a friend.”

“Oh, no, ma’am,” the nurse insisted, trying to herd Kara out the door with no success whatsoever. “She said she’s a reporter from Catco magazine.”

“She is,” Lena said. “But she’s also a friend. She can stay.”

The nurse huffed, giving Kara a dirty look before assenting and leaving the room with some unintelligible words grumbled under her breath.

“Thanks,” Kara said gratefully, a laugh in her voice. She pulled a chair close to the bedside, sitting. “I told them I was a friend, but they said my name wasn’t on the list, so I thought being a reporter might get me a free pass. I guess not.”

“I’m sorry,” Lena said. She was a little dumbstruck that Kara had showed up out of nowhere. “I actually didn’t have any names on my visitor list. I didn’t think anyone would care to see me.”

Kara looked up at her, eyes sad, the crinkle in her forehead showing.

“Of course I wanted to see you,” she said. “You’re my friend, Lena.”

At the sound of Kara’s voice saying her name, Lena felt a shock of cold, like jumping into the water all over again. Like wanting to sleep, but staying awake. Like wanting to die, but living instead.

She smoothed the thin hospital blanket over her legs, splaying her fingers to hide the trembling.

“It’s good of you to come.”

Kara was leaning forward, her hands clasped tightly over her knees. She watched Lena’s face, her expression more serious than Lena had ever seen it.

“How are you?” she asked. “I mean, besides the obvious.”

Lena laughed wryly. “I’ve been better. But I can’t complain.”

“I heard…” Kara cleared her throat, looking down at her hands. “I heard it came pretty close. That you… you nearly...”

“Died, yes,” Lena said shortly. “Yes, it was a close call. Between the hypothermia and the burn wounds, they told me if Supergirl had come even a few minutes later I likely wouldn’t have made it.”

Kara blew her breath out slowly, running her hand across her hair. She stared at the blanket covering Lena’s legs for a long while. Lena was watching her, trying to fit together the pieces of her frozen, shell-shocked memories.

“Well,” Kara said finally. “I’m...I’m really glad you made it.”

She shifted, hesitating, then slid her hand across the back of Lena’s, squeezing gently.

“I’m glad you’re alive,” she said, looking up.

Lena watched her eyes, her gaze shifting, her mind turning over and over like a rock polisher, throwing her thoughts around, trying to make them clearer, trying to make them make sense. She hesitated for a moment, but Kara’s hand was warm and the morphine was soaking her blood. She swallowed.

“This...this might sound crazy, but you were there, Kara. That night.”

Kara’s forehead wrinkled deeper. She blinked. “What?”

“I know,” Lena said, pushing on. “I know it’s...insane. But I saw you there. Or...I heard you. Or maybe both. When I was in the water, I think I started hallucinating, and I heard you. Your voice, it...it kept me awake. It kept me alive. And then when I was rescued…” Lena furrowed her brow, trying to remember, trying to make the pieces fit together. “I...I saw you. I don’t know how to explain it, but I was being carried and it was you, it was your voice and you were talking to me and telling me I was safe…”

The memories were melting in the morphine, in the hypothermic haze. Kara became Supergirl became Kara, then warmth, then darkness. Lena shook her head.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m….still a little disoriented I suppose.”

Kara nodded, not looking at her. Her eyes seemed far away. Lena couldn’t place the expression on her face, but she looked troubled. She sat back, releasing Lena’s hand, pressing her palms against her thighs.

“I’m sorry,” Lena said. “I must sound like a complete nutcase.”

“No! No, Lena, you’re not,” Kara said quickly, looking at her. “What happened to you is just...awful. It must have made your mind work harder to keep you alive. I can’t imagine what that would’ve been like. I’m just…” She took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry you had to go through that.”

Lena smiled tightly, looking down. “It’s alright. Just my mind playing tricks.”

Kara adjusted her glasses, the crinkle between her eyes deepening. Her eyes were dark, her mouth serious. Lena’s heart constricted. She’d said too much. She cursed the morphine for loosening her tongue.

“I'm sorry, Kara. I shouldn't have said anything. We can forget this.”

“You don't have to apologize,” Kara said fervently, not meeting Lena’s eyes. “You didn't say anything wrong.”

“I might be hurt, Kara, but I'm not blind,” Lena said with the barest hint of humor. “I know I upset you.”

Kara played with her own fingers. “I guess...I just can't help feeling like it should've been me there that night.”

“Kara…”

“It's stupid,” Kara said abruptly. “I know it is. But you almost died and...I don't know, I should've been there. It should've been _me._ ”

Lena watched her. She wanted to speak but she couldn’t find the words.

“It should've been me,” Kara said quietly again, almost to herself.

“I'm alright now, Kara. But next time I plan to get myself nearly killed, you'll be the first to know.”

Kara glanced up almost shyly, her smile matching the one Lena gave her. She laughed quietly, shaking her head but going along with the joke.

“Yeah, you'd better,” she said.

“Scout’s honor.” Lena held up her fingers in mock seriousness.

Kara laughed, louder then. She took a deep breath, setting her shoulders. The crinkle relaxed but didn’t go away. Lena asked her about work, about how much of the story had been given to the public and how much the media had fabricated to fill in the missing pieces. They talked about easier things, avoiding dark questions and answers like a bruise not yet healed. Kara's voice was lighter, but Lena could still see a deep sadness that never quite left her eyes.

Visiting hours were over much too soon. Kara stood, squeezing Lena’s hand softly.

“I’ll see you soon?” she said.

“I hope so,” Lena smiled.

Kara left and Lena spent the rest of her evening watching the sun set out the window, Kara’s voice and lovely face filling her thoughts, her heart aching with every beat.

 

* * *

 

**[Lena, 3:42pm] Thank you. It’s not enough, but thank you.**

_[Supergirl, 3:43pm] You don’t need to thank me. I should have been there sooner. I shouldn’t have let them take you in the first place._

**[Lena, 3:43pm] You saved my life. That’s all that matters to me.**

_[Supergirl, 3:44pm] I’d do it again in a heartbeat._

**[Lena, 3:47pm] I’d like to see you in person, if I can. Just to talk.**

_[Supergirl, 3:457m] Of course. Any time._

**[Lena, 3:48pm] Would now be alright? They released me from the hospital today, but I’m at a hotel. They’re still...cleaning up my apartment from the other night.**

_[Supergirl, 3:48pm] I’ll come find you. Be there soon._

 

“I made sure to get a room with a balcony,” Lena said as Supergirl stepped into the room.

“Very much appreciated,” Supergirl said with a small smile.

There was a pause, a silence so heavy the brief humor did nothing to alleviate it. Lena gripped the comforter where she sat. She felt Supergirl’s gaze on her but she couldn’t look up, couldn’t meet her eyes. She stared at the floor, counting the stitches in the rug.

“I’m...I’m so glad you’re okay, Lena,” Supergirl said quietly.

Lena nodded, shutting her eyes, not trusting herself to respond.

Cut the cord, she told herself. Don’t be so fucking selfish.

Supergirl was taking a deep breath, beginning to speak. “Lena, I’m so sorry I didn’t…”

“This can’t go on,” Lena blurted, the words spilling out in a rush. “You and I, our arrangement, it’s over.”

She looked up. Supergirl was frozen, mouth still open from where she had paused mid-sentence. Lena’s words were sinking in and she blinked quickly, looking away, nodding.

“Oh,” she said. “Al-alright.”

“It’s not because of anything that’s happened...:”

“I understand,” Supergirl said shortly. Her jaw was tight, mouth pressed shut, eyes locked on something invisible over Lena’s right shoulder. “I should go, then.”

“You saved my life,” Lena said. “For that, I am in your debt. If you ever need anything from me, don’t hesitate to ask.”

A flash of pain crossed Supergirl’s face, but it vanished so quickly Lena wondered if she’d seen it at all.

“Of course,” Supergirl said.

She turned to leave. Lena stood, wanting to stop her, to ask her to stay. But for what? Company? Casual conversation? She was sure Supergirl hardly had the time, much less the interest.

Supergirl paused at the sliding door, her hand on the frame. Lena watched her shoulders square, her head drop slightly.

“I’m sorry,” Lena whispered.

Then Supergirl was turning on her heel, cape swirling, and she was striding across the room and cupping Lena’s face gently and kissing her.

The kiss was intense and sweet and needful, unlike any kiss they’d shared before. Supergirl’s lips trembled, but her hands were steady. Lena held them flush against her cheeks, eyes closing under the kiss, a rush of sadness filling her chest. Then Supergirl pulled away, but only just, their mouths hovering closely still.

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered.

She kissed Lena’s forehead, and then she turned and was gone.

 

* * *

 

She thought of flying around the world, of launching herself into another galaxy, of plunging into deep space and ripping apart a star. But the hurt turned quickly from anger to pain and she found herself at her apartment, pulling out her phone, asking Alex to come over on a screen blurred through her tears. When Alex arrived, Kara was collapsed on the couch, crying. Alex gathered her into her arms, her voice quiet and gentle and worried.

“What happened?” she whispered, brushing Kara’s hair away from her face. “Kara, tell me what’s wrong. Are you okay?”

Kara tried to breathe, tried to compose herself enough to speak. Alex could see her efforts. But an errant thought crossed her mind, the pain showing visibly on her face, and she crumpled again into sobs. Alex pulled her close to her chest, rocking her slowly, pressing her lips to her hair.

“Okay, it’s alright. I’ve got you, Kara. It’s alright.”

She held her younger sister for the better part of an hour while she cried. Kara would manage an apology every so often, but Alex wouldn’t hear it.

“Don’t apologize,” she told her. “Cry all you need. I’m here.”

Kara’s tears finally ran out, leaving her with hitching breath and trembling lips and red, tear-stained cheeks. She held onto Alex’s shirt, the hem crumpled in her fist, cheek pressed into her chest. She looked up at Alex.

“There’s s-something I need to tell you,” she said, her voice raspy and weak.

“I’m all ears, sweetheart,” Alex said, rubbing her thumb across Kara’s shoulder.

Kara spoke slowly and quietly, pausing sometimes to control her tears or catch her breath if her emotions came too close to the surface. She told Alex everything. Of the arrangement between Supergirl and Lena, how sleeping with Lena made her feel both powerful and vulnerable, how she’d begun to feel more for Lena than she’d care to admit, how their friendship meant the world to her, how painful it was to lie to Lena about who Supergirl truly was, how much it scared her that Supergirl wasn’t enough for Lena anymore, how badly she feared she had messed up by letting Lena get kidnapped.

Alex listened. The pieces were all falling into place. She listened, allowing Kara’s words to pour out in a deluge of emotion and half-stifled tears.

“But now she wants nothing to do with me,” Kara was saying, her voice cracking. “She wants nothing to do with _Supergirl_ , and if Supergirl isn’t enough for Lena Luthor, I just _know_ Kara Danvers won’t be either.”

Her face crumpled and she covered her eyes with one hand, a sob escaping her lips.

“Hey, hey,” Alex murmured, tugging gently at her hand until Kara allowed her to move it. Kara looked up at her tearfully. “First of all, Kara Danvers is _amazing_ , and anyone, powerful billionaire or no, would be the luckiest person in the galaxy to have her. Okay?”

Kara nodded, a half-hearted smile curling the corner of her mouth for a moment.

“And second of all, you should give it some time. Lena’s been through some shit. You both have. Maybe she’s just trying to get some normalcy in her life, and sleeping with a superhero isn’t the best way to do that.”

“Yeah,” Kara said quietly. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Don’t give up on it, okay? You owe it to yourself not to give up.”

Kara nodded, curling back into Alex’s chest, clinging to her tightly, burying her face again. Alex held her. Thoughts stirred in her mind. She wanted to find Lena, get the truth out of her so she could prepare Kara for whatever was coming next, protect her against the unknown. But she knew better than to interfere. This was something Kara would have to work out for herself.

Kara drifted asleep in her arms and Alex pulled a blanket over them both. She kissed the side of her sister’s forehead softly, watching her peaceful, slumbering face for a moment before closing her eyes and settling herself comfortably beside her.

Kara slept deep and peaceful that night in her sister’s arms. She didn’t dream.


	9. Chapter 9

Kara gave it time. She put herself in Lena’s shoes, realized how it must have been for Lena to watch what she thought was Supergirl dying. She understood. And, as Kara, she reached out, texting Lena often to see how she was handling recovery, how work was going, if the press had stopped hounding her yet. She invited her to lunch at Noonan’s, to another night of pool, to a movie with friends. But Lena never came. She was always busy, always had something else going on, another conference or meeting scheduled, another trip out of the country that week.

Because Lena had been having nightmares, and they were bleeding into her reality. In her dreams she went from watching Supergirl die to watching Kara die. And with Kara, it wasn’t a hundred rounds of Kryptonite before she went down. With Kara, it was a single bullet, and she was on the ground, choking on blood, dying in Lena’s arms. And every time, Lena would wake, shaking, clutching her arms, Kara’s name on her lips.

Lena knew they were just dreams, but there was truth in them. Kara was human, she was fragile, she was precious, and if she had been the one at Lena’s apartment that night instead of Supergirl…Lena couldn’t even think about it. Being a Luthor had a higher price than she had bargained for. It put a bullseye on her back, one that had always been there but that Lena had never seen until the kidnapping. She knew better now.

She was a Luthor, and because she was a Luthor, she was dangerous.

And because she was dangerous, she’d put Kara in danger by getting any closer to her.

So she stepped back. She made excuses. She was cordial with Kara, polite when she turned down her invitations, but distant. It was for the best, she reminded herself when her heart ached, when loneliness and fear threatened to swallow her at night, when a stiff drink was her only form of escape when the demons came calling. Keeping Kara safe was the most important thing now. Lena could handle the fallout on her own.

She used work to keep her busy, launching new endeavors almost weekly until she barely had a moment to think about anything but L Corp business. It was effective, mostly. She rarely slept, but she also didn’t suffer from nightmares when she nodded off at her desk, always jolting awake before dreams could come calling. But even with her years of working long, late hours, the exhaustion caught up to her quickly and she often fell deep into sleep after allowing herself just a few moments to lay on the couch and rest her eyes. And even then the briefest of naps still ended in full fledged nightmares, jolting her awake with a cold sweat and racing heartbeat.

She returned to her hotel suite to change clothes and shower, but rarely to sleep. She didn’t realize that Jess had noticed until she arrived at work early one morning, before the sun had even thought about rising, to find a note and a package on her desk.

> _I heard this helps with sleeping  -- Jess_

She opened the package to find a bottle of over the counter pills. The description promised deep sleep for insomniacs. Lena wondered if, in a stroke of mercy, these little pills would cure her of dreams. She tried them that night, and dropped immediately into deep slumber. The nightmares didn’t touch her. But the relief was temporary. The pills worked intermittently, giving her restful sleep on one night, but providing no respite the next. It seemed to be determined by a whim of fate whether or not she’d be tortured by subconscious horrors. Whether or not she took the pills depended on how daring she felt, if she was willing to brave the possibility of nightmares, or how overwhelming her tiredness was.  

Sometimes, when loneliness was clawing at her insides and sleep was nowhere to be found, she considered calling a nighttime companion to her room. But the thought would be dismissed as soon as it occurred. The only arms she wanted around her were Kara’s, and that simply was not an option. Anyone else would just feel wrong.

She lay with her loneliness instead.

It was two weeks before the clean up work on her apartment had been completed. She avoided going home for another three days after that, putting it off until Jess called her to ask if she was going to need additional time at the hotel. She decided to cut the cord then.

“No, that’s alright. I’ll be moving back to my apartment this evening. Please make sure my belongings are delivered before then.”

“Of course, ma’am, I’ll let them know.”

She stepped out of the elevator that night with a racing pulse and her heart somewhere in her throat. The last time she’d been in this hallway, she had been dragged, a gun to her temple. She stood in front of her apartment door for what felt like hours, trying to build the nerve. The repair work had been thorough; there was no sign on the jamb or door itself that someone had ever kicked it open. She wondered idly if they’d merely painted over the damage on the door or replaced it completely. She wondered if there was blood hidden under the paint.

A sound down the hall nearly made her jump out of her skin. It was just one of her neighbors opening their door to leave. Lena squared her shoulders, shoving her fears to the back of her mind, unlocked the door and stepped inside.

She closed it tightly behind her, doing the additional locks she’d had installed before she faced her apartment. The studio looked pristine. Everything was as it had been before. There was no blood on the walls, no bullet holes, no shattered glass on her balcony. It was all fixed and cleaned and good as new. But it was dark outside and she stood exactly where she had stood that night and the sliding glass door was framed on the other side of her bed exactly as it had been and there was a jolt in her chest and she saw Supergirl standing there, silhouetted, bleeding, half-dead and staring at her. Lena gasped sharply and shut her eyes, taking an instinctive step back, shaking her head fiercely to dislodge the image. She pressed her hands to her forehead.

It isn’t real. It isn’t real.

But it was. It had been, not so very long ago.

Lena stood there for an indeterminable amount of time, eyes shut, shaking a little, before she finally gathered her courage. She exhaled sharply and dropped her hands, opening her eyes. She was alone in her room. There were no bodies or smoke or bullets. No one stood in front of the balcony doors. Supergirl wasn’t bleeding or dying. She wasn’t there at all.

Tears filled Lena’s eyes. She felt something breaking inside her, cracks splintering across her surface. Being alone was normal. She’d been alone her whole life, whether in solitude or surrounded by strangers. But this. This was different. The horrors behind her eyes were new, terrifying, horrifically fresh as she stood at the scene of the crime. She’d never wished more than now that she had someone to turn to, someone to call on, someone to keep her safe. She was alone, alone, alone, and this time no one even knew she needed saving.

She sank to her knees, bracing her hands against the carpet as waves of loneliness and fear and pain washed over her. She cried, then, cried like it was being dragged out of her, sobs and bursts of anguish splitting her chest, all the broken pieces piercing her at once. She wished that the bomb had been closer, that the water had been a little colder. She wished her kidnappers had been crueler, or that she attempted escape and made the bearded man pull the trigger. Because anything, even nothing, even a few rungs above hell, was better than this apartment, empty and quiet and filled with ghosts.

Kara heard her. Because she’d followed Lena to her apartment after she left her office. Because she had heard Lena tell Jess she’d be going home tonight. Because she’d spent more time than she should have around L Corp for the last three weeks. Because her heart was breaking and she didn’t know where to go with it as she felt Lena slip further and further away from her, from Kara. She heard Lena begin to cry and the sound pierced her aching heart. She hovered out of sight of the windows, watching Lena through the walls. Lena was hunched, her shoulders stiff, her head down, her body shaking with sobs.

Kara fought for composure. She was splitting down the middle. Instinct cried out that she go to Lena, that she gather her up, tell her the truth, hold her tight and close and promise to keep her safe, that she apologize for letting the kidnapping occur, for not saving Lena sooner, for allowing  her to suffer this way. But control held her in place, reminded her of the obvious dismissal Lena had given her, of the way Lena was leaving Kara behind too, that Lena wanted nothing to do with either Supergirl or Kara and it was too late to change that now.

Tears filled Kara’s eyes, blurring even her X-ray vision. _Rao_ , this was agony. Kryptonite couldn’t touch what was ripping through her heart, causing her so much pain she felt short of breath. She drifted toward the building, laying the palm of her hand against the concrete. Her fingers trembled and she closed her eyes, calling on Rao, on the spirit of the ones she loved, her mother and father and Astra, begging them to touch Lena somehow, to bring her comfort, to soothe her suffering. Tears slipped down her cheeks.

_Do for her what I can’t. Please._

She hung there, suspended in air, trying to channel the forces of the infinite universe through the tips of her fingers. Rain began to fall, light and cold. Kara opened her eyes, looking through the wall. Lena was sitting back, her chest hitching with heavy breaths, her eyes swollen and bloodshot. She brought her hands to her cheeks, pressing the tears away with deliberate slowness. Then she climbed slowly to her feet, making her way to the bathroom. She started the shower. Her shoulders drooped as she leaned against the wall, waiting for the water to heat up.

Kara watched. She didn’t know but the crinkle was sitting between her own eyes, deep with sadness, longing. She felt the weight of what was crushing Lena and her chest ached to relieve her, to lift the pain and suffering if only for a few minutes, just to let her rest.

Lena turned away from the bath, her arms lifting to undo the snap on the back of her dress and let down the zipper. She shrugged her shoulders free and Kara looked away. Nothing she hadn’t seen before, but never without permission. Lena wasn’t hers to see, not like that. Not anymore. Kara drifted away, her eyes locked on the exterior of the building for a long while. Then she turned and flew into the night, searching for hysteria, for a cry for help, searching for someone to save.

Lena didn’t bother standing or washing herself. She climbed into the shower and sat under the hot water, letting it scald her skin red. Her fingers traced idly across the faded scars that had been burns a few weeks ago, the small bite marks where stitches had closed up the shrapnel wound in her thigh. Ghosts and more ghosts, scars and memories and constant reminders. Bloodhounds nipping at her heels, making her run, run, run. She tilted her head back, letting the steam fill her lungs, letting the heat of the water erase every other sensation.

She held her own hand against her chest, fingers interlocked. One thumb stroked the other. She imagined very quietly, and for just a moment, that it was Kara’s hand in hers, Kara’s touch against her skin. And here, where she was drowning in heat and steam, lost to the world in every sense, alone like she never had been before, it was.

 

* * *

 

She found that the look of her bedroom, the balcony, the ever-present spectre of violence and death, was always much easier to handle when she was two shots down with a glass of wine in her hand. The loneliness and the alcohol made her foolish and on only her third night back in her apartment she sent Kara Danvers a message. It was a short one, as messages went, and innocent enough for as much as her vision felt left of center.

> _I know I haven’t been a good friend lately, but I hope things are going well for you, Kara._

She was passed out with her phone on and messages open when Kara responded. She didn’t see the notification or the kind, eager reply.

> _You’ve always been a wonderful friend to me. I’m well. I do miss seeing you, but I understand you’re busy. How are you? I’ve been thinking about you lately._

The next morning Lena didn’t remember sending it at all. She took medicine for her headache and went to work, arriving before Jess as usual, making herself a strong, black coffee as substitute for real food. She had two conference calls to prepare for and before 8am she was buried in her work, only surfacing once around 1pm for another coffee and to check her personal messages. Kara Danvers’ had texted her an hour ago. Her name on the screen was unexpected, making Lena’s heart skip for a moment. She opened it without a second thought, her eagerness betrayed by her surprise.

> _I hope you had a good night. And that today is a good day, too :)_

Lena scrolled up on the message thread and saw the message she had sent the previous night. She closed her eyes for a second.

_Lena, you fucking idiot_.

She should have known better than to have her phone in hand while she was drinking. But, except for breaking the silence she had built toward Kara, the message was largely unproblematic. For that she was grateful. She stared at her phone for a long while, her thumb hovering over the keypad, eyes fixed on Kara’s name, debating. She should call her, invite her to lunch, spend a little time with someone who cared. At the very least she owed Kara an apology for her behavior of late. And to see her eyes again, her smile, that wouldn’t hurt either.

But no. No, of course she couldn’t. There was a reason she hadn’t. The danger, of course. Kara could be hurt, and badly. Lena had to shut her out, and now, after last night’s slip up, she’d have to re-set the clock of disappearing on Kara all over again.

Lena’s eyes closed and a surge of seething rage boiled suddenly to the surface. All her fear and pain and loneliness came alive, pressing against the backs of her eyes, making her chest feel tight. She wanted to hurl her phone against the wall, demolish her office, throw her chair through the window and herself after it. The unfairness of it all, the weight, was so much. She just wanted to tear everything apart before it did the same to her.

“Ma’am, your call will be starting in ten minutes.”

Jess’s voice broke through her thoughts and Lena straightened, opening her eyes, turning to face her secretary. She placed her phone down deliberately.

“Yes. Yes, of course.” She inhaled. “That’s fine, I’m ready.”

 

* * *

 

She sent Jess home at five that evening. Jess looked shocked.

“You’ve been a huge help today,” Lena said by way of explanation. “And you’ve stayed late too many nights for me. Go home. Take an evening for yourself.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind staying…”

Lena waved her off. “It was a long day. I’ll probably be going home soon myself.”

They both knew that was a lie, but Jess didn’t say anything about it.

“Alright. Thank you, Ms. Luthor. I’ll see you in the morning then?”

“I’ll be here,” Lena smiled.

Lena usually treasured the silence of the building after everyone had gone home. It was when she had the most time to think, when the phones were mostly silent and there were no meetings or messages or emails. She’d take this precious time to work without interruptions, enjoying the restful quiet of a normally busy office. But tonight, like most nights for the past weeks, the silence was heavy, suffocating. Lena pressed her fingers against her temple, reading the same sentence of a project report for the third time without absorbing a bit of it.

Her office door opened.

“Jess, I told you, take the night--”

She looked up and stopped mid-sentence. It wasn’t Jess standing in the middle of her office, holding a small bouquet of flowers, adjusting her glasses nervously.

Lena stood, a little dumbstruck, her heart jolting with a shot of adrenaline.

“Kara.”

“Hi, Lena,” Kara said quietly. She was watching Lena’s face, the crinkle already visible between her eyes. “I’m sorry for barging in like this,” she said, gesturing at the door. “Jess wasn’t out there, but you did tell the guys downstairs to let me in whenever I came by so I thought it would be okay. I probably should’ve knocked, though, I know you’re busy.”

“I…” Lena couldn’t think, couldn’t formulate a complete sentence. She hadn’t seen Kara in…she couldn’t remember how long. But she was here and she was real and completely unlike every demon that had swirled before Lena’s eyes.

“Kara, what are you doing here?” Lena heard herself say.

Kara’s expression dropped. Her hands went behind her back, hiding the bouquet.

“I...I’m sorry, I got your message last night and I don’t know. I wanted to see how you are, I guess. With...with everything that happened, I wasn’t sure how you’d be holding up, and it had been so long since I’ve seen you.”

“I’ve been busy.” Lena’s voice was clipped.

Kara’s eyes went to the floor. “I know,” she said quietly.

There was a long, heavy pause. Lena couldn’t look at Kara, afraid of what would happen to her resolve if she met her eyes for more than a few seconds. She stared at a space to the right of her head. Lena’s fingers were pressed hard against her desk, her nail-beds whitening. She struggled to control her breathing.

Kara stepped forward, her eyes still down. She lay the bouquet of flowers - white daisies - on Lena’s desk.

“I just thought you might like these,” she said. “I’m sorry again.”

She turned, crossing the room to the door hurriedly. Lena wanted to lunge after her, beg her to stay. But she stayed still, frozen in place, fighting every instinct that told her not to let Kara walk out of the room.

Kara turned the door handle, but then she stopped. Another long pause. Lena couldn’t help it -- her eyes went to Kara, watching her back, the hard stance of her body.

“No,” Kara said then. “No, you know what?”

She turned and Lena saw the tears in her eyes, but her voice was resolute.

“This isn’t fair,” Kara said. “I deserve an explanation, Lena. I am sorry for whatever it is that I did, but you can’t just shut me out without giving me a reason for it. I deserve to know why I wasn’t good enough for you.”

Lena blinked in consternation, her mouth opening slightly, but Kara wasn’t finished.

“I just wanted to be your friend. I never asked for anything more than that, even when I wanted to. I thought we were good together. We had fun, didn’t we? It was so easy to spend time with you and I thought you felt the same way about me, but then you get kidnapped and suddenly you shut me out. Why, Lena? I...I wanted to be here for you. So maybe you didn’t want sex anymore. I respect that. I can understand that. But then you push me away like this too?”

Kara was crying now, her words pouring out of her. Lena felt a rushing in her ears.

“I know you’re hurting, Lena. I know you are. And I’m...I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, okay? I can’t say it enough. It’s my fault, what happened to you. I should’ve come quicker, I should’ve fought harder to save you. I get it, okay? But you’re suffering alone and you don’t have to. If you don’t want Supergirl that’s fine but please, please don’t shut me out like this, Lena. Let me help you. Let me be here for you.”

Kara’s words were echoing like they were coming down a long tunnel, but Lena registered every syllable. The world was splitting down the center. She leaned against her desk, arms shaking slightly.

“What...did you say?” she asked, her voice choked.

Kara was quiet but her tear-filled eyes were widening, her own words suddenly sinking in and she was stammering.

“I...wait...Lena, it’s not…”

Lena was shaking her head, trying to keep from understanding, but Kara’s words were falling into place like puzzle pieces. Realization was dawning. Lena covered her mouth.

“Lena, please, I didn’t mean…”

“Who are you?” Lena snapped, looking at her.

Kara stared at her helplessly, tears in her eyes still. She took a deep, shuddering breath, closing her eyes. Then she tilted her head, reaching up to let her hair down from the ponytail. She slid her glasses off, took another deep breath, and looked up at Lena.

Supergirl stood there, dressed in Kara’s clothes, looking at Lena tearfully, fearfully.

Lena sat down. Her vision was swimming a little. Her head felt light. The puzzle was coming together now, building coherency faster than Lena would have liked. The big picture was ugly, horrifying. Lena felt sick.

“All this time…” she said to herself as much as to Supergirl...Kara...whoever she was.

All this time. Fucking Supergirl, being fucked by her, falling for Kara, dinner with Kara, pool night with Kara and sex night with Supergirl, the same person, all this time. All the angry, vacant sex with Supergirl when Kara was on her mind, her dreams of Kara following the patterns of Supergirl’s body tangled with hers.

“Lena, please…” Supergirl, Kara, whispered.

Lena’s jaw was clenched. She shut her eyes tightly. A fire was raging behind her eyes and she had no way to put it out.

“Why?” she said, her voice just short of a groan. “Why....didn’t you tell me?”

“I...I couldn’t.”

“But I knew you!” Lena burst out. “I knew both of you, I was fucking you and...and...becoming your friend! Don’t you think I deserved to know?”

“You didn’t want _me_!” Kara, Supergirl, returned. “You wanted Supergirl and I was just...I was just Kara Danvers. I was barely a blip on your radar. I just wanted to spend time with you, in whatever capacity that happened to be. Supergirl is...she’s important. She matters. That’s why you wanted to sleep with her, isn’t it? Because she was powerful. So why would Kara Danvers matter to you at all?”

Lena was shaking. She nearly responded, she nearly allowed the dam to break. But she swallowed her words back, somehow. She swallowed the truth. She stifled the torrent, for Kara’s sake. Her safety, she reminded herself. But, something clamored, she was safe already. She was Supergirl. Lena ignored it.

“I can’t....I can’t do this.” She felt the cracks reappearing, and this time shame was the dagger driven through her fragility. “I need you to leave.”

“Lena…” Supergirl said, her voice pitiful, pleading.

“Don’t,” Lena nearly screamed, but her voice fell too soon. “Please, please go.”

She buried her face in her hands and after a long moment she heard her office door close. She broke then, the tears pouring out. She drowned in them, letting them engulf her, letting them bury her thoughts. She drained her minibar that night. Jess found her the next morning, passed out and still drunk on her couch. She called her a taxi cab, getting her downstairs and through the lobby with admirable discretion, riding with her home and making sure she was out of the woods before she returned to L Corp. She took all of Lena’s calls personally, issuing professional apologies for Ms. Luthor’s absence today. She came down with a stomach bug, she said, but she’d be good as new in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

She remembered to keep her head down to avoid the security cameras. Her vision was thick with tears as she walked quickly to the elevator and out of the building. Her heart was beating too hard in her chest. She ducked into an alleyway, stripping off her civilian disguise, and launched into the air, leaving a crater on the asphalt below. The wind tore at her face and her eyes but she ignored it, ripping through the evening sky, flying at full speed, leaving National City, L Corp, Lena behind her. She didn’t know where she was going; she only knew she had to get away, away, away from her mistake.

It was over. Lena knew her deception. The look on her face when Kara had blurted the truth, as she put the pieces together…. Kara’s heart clenched. Lena’s emotions had been like a storm across her face but Kara had seen fury and heartbreak and horror and disgust. And her dismissal, literally begging Kara to leave, tears in her eyes, her voice completely broken, hurt worse than a heavy round of Kryptonite to the stomach.

Kara felt ready to explode, something furious and wild making her body rigid, her veins ache. She arched upward, angling toward the burning yellow sky. The sun was setting below her; the horizon was bleeding. She tore through the atmosphere, feeling the temperature drop, feeling the air get thin. Still she flew, higher, higher, higher, tear tracks crystallizing on her cheeks. Her chest was ready to burst, her heart slamming against her ribs.

Something deep inside her, wild and furious, clawed at her, howling. She was weak. She was broken. The atmosphere was hardly there anymore. The sky above her had changed to the blackness of space. Below her, the red of sunset swallowed the edges of the earth. She stopped just short of the the final layer separating her from infinity. Her hands were clenched. Her chest heaved. The stars watched her as she watched them. The last time they had been this close, this clear, Lena had been in her arms, Lena had been saying her name, Lena had been loving her.

The memory was a lance, piercing her through, and Kara broke. She tilted her head back and screamed. The sound exploded from her, a hundred years of anguish, sorrow deeper than the universe. She wanted to shake the stars, rip them from their moorings, crush them in her hands and let the heavens go black. It was gone now, it was all lost. Her heart belonged to a woman who did not want her anymore, a woman she had wounded when all she wanted to do was love her, the only person in any galaxy Kara Zor-El wanted to belong to. It was all lost now.

The scream stripped her throat raw, pulled the fury from inside her and left her empty. She watched the stars and they watched her as she fell. She plummeted backwards, leaning into the drop, closing her eyes as the stars faded and the blood light of sunset surrounded her again. The wind roared so loudly it sounded like silence. She fell forever, weightless, a bird with broken wings.

When she hit the ocean it felt like concrete. The water swallowed her whole and she went down, deep and fast, her momentum only slowing when the light above was nearly extinguished. She floated there in the silence, watching the dying light play on the surface of the water a hundred miles away. She wished for the briefest of moments that she could die this way, suspended in the peaceful cold. But her lungs were straining, her heart throbbing deep and alive, and she reluctantly kicked upward.

Her face broke the surface and she breathed. The sun was only a sliver now, glowing a fierce orange, shining in her eyes. She floated, still and silent. When the sun was gone and the light left the horizon, she rose from the water and started her path eastward, toward home.

 

* * *

 

Lena woke with a throbbing headache. She lay still for a while, feeling the room spin a little around where she lay flat on her back in bed. The light blinded her, but it was the memory of last night that made her cover her eyes.

Kara, taking her hair down, removing her glasses and then...Supergirl standing there. Kara and Supergirl. One in the same.  

Lena rolled quickly to her side, grabbing the garbage can by her nightstand just in time as she heaved up the contents of her liquid dinner. Her throat burned, her stomach caving in on itself. She shut her eyes, riding out the sickness, coughing and spitting as it passed for the time being. She lay back with a heavy exhale. The reality of her situation began to bear down and tears filled her eyes.  

_What have I done?_

She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to understand the implications of everything that had revealed itself to her. The clock said it was 2 in the afternoon. Lena groaned, pushing herself to sit upright. She picked up her phone, cringing at the notifications that filled her screen. Ignoring them, she found Jess’s name and pressed dial.

“Ms. Luthor,” came her voice after only two rings. “Are you alright?”

Lena pressed her palm to her eyes. “I’ve been better. Listen, I’m going to need to reschedule--”

“I’ve handled it already,” Jess interrupted. “I’ll have your new meeting schedule ready for you tomorrow morning. I don’t want you to worry. As far as anyone knows, you came down with an ugly stomach bug and you’re confident it’ll pass within 24 hours.”

Well that was one relief. “Thank you, Jess.”

“Of course. Get some rest, Ms. Luthor. And if there’s anything more you need from me, let me know. I’m happy to help.”

“You’ve done more than enough already. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, ma’am.”

She made herself move; the threat of thinking too much loomed while she sat still in her bed. She went to the kitchen, making herself a pot of strong coffee. A few painkillers and a glass of water took the edge off, but not by much. As the headache faded, memories of the night before became clearer and she wished she was still passed out in a state of drunken, dreamless blackout. She went into the bathroom instead, turning on the shower.

The heated water felt good against her skin. She didn’t wash, not at first. She leaned under the steady stream, letting it cascade through her hair, running down her back and face. She stared at her feet, pressing her palms against the cool tile wall, watching the water fall from her lashes in drops. The thoughts flooded her then, filling her head, pressing behind her eyes. She let them. It was useless to fight.

If it hadn’t been her heart in the mix, and Kara’s, it would’ve been funny. All this time she was trying to make a good impression on Kara, on her friends, and she’d been fucking her. Using her recklessly to slake her lust and then turning around and being delicate with her alter ego, sending cautious messages and feeling nervous every time she came within three feet of her. The thought sent a jolt of pain through Lena. Her chances with Kara had been slim at best, but she’d tried hard to be careful, to make Kara think well of her. But Kara knew better, she knew that Lena was the girl whoring herself out to the local superhero, the girl pretending to be something she wasn’t.

On top of that, even, Lena trembled to realize, she’d been having sex with Kara Danvers and not even realizing it. It was silly, perhaps, but Lena had imagined that, in some wild universe where she managed to win Kara’s heart, that their first time together would be sweet and sensual and careful, not the angry fucking she’d done so many times with Supergirl. Lena’s composure cracked, and her teeth bared as the tears came through, hard and fast. She’d wanted to savor every moment with Kara, to treat her kindly and with all the love Lena felt for her. Instead, she’d used her.

And, said the cruelest part of her brain, Kara would never forgive her for that.

She sank to her knees for the second time in as many weeks, letting the water burn her spine, letting the waves of guilt and pain wash over her, drag her under. It was like drowning all over again, like sinking into the cold and dark. Only this time, Kara wasn’t there to bring her back again. This time, she was truly alone.

She stayed there until the water ran cold, and then she dragged herself up by the scruff of her neck. She stood in front of the mirror, naked and dripping wet, palms planted on the counterpane. Her image in the mirror was blurred. She wiped a swath through the fogged glass, forcing herself to look up, to meet her own eyes. Bright green and bloodshot, struck through with agony and brokenness. With weakness.

A shiver ran through her as she stood there, staring, a searing resolution passing through her bones. Slowly, but with a hard steadiness, she began closing her doors, easing them shut like yawning steel traps. No more tears, no more pain, the suffering silenced, the guilt gagged and bound. She could not stand to lose any more of herself to the monsters she had created. Her mistakes would kill her if she let them. It was over. There was nothing she could do to mend the past. What was broken would stay broken, whether or not she cut her hands trying to put the pieces back together. There was no use in trying.

Something quiet and gentle begged her to reconsider, pleaded for one more chance. Supergirl...no, Kara, deserved an apology. It would not bring forgiveness, certainly. Lena couldn’t fool herself into believing that. But she owed it to Kara, didn’t she? And to herself, after everything they’d been through together? She imagined seeing Kara again and her resolve trembled. Her shoulders shook. A single tear slipped from the corner of her eye, streaking down her cheek.

No, whispered something callous, something with her mother’s face. It’s too late for you now. The damage is done. You’ll be doing the both of you a favor if she never has to see your face again.

The final trap slammed shut. Lena pressed the tear away, straightened, and turned away from the mirror.

She went to work the next day dressed in all black. Jess looked like she wanted to ask how she was doing, maybe offer some comfort for the turmoil Lena had clearly been in, but Lena gave her no such opportunities and they reviewed her new schedule of meetings in a strictly businesslike manner. Once everything had been set in order, Jess rose. She turned to leave, then seemed to remember something and turned back.

“Oh, and Kara Danvers left you some messages. They’re in your inbox.”

The emotional blow at the sound of her name was startling and Lena blinked, taking a shallow breath. She smiled tightly, nodded, furious at how easily her defenses had been circumvented.  

“Thank you, Jess.”

Luckily, the first meeting of the day was in ten minutes so she didn’t have the time to open any messages at all, let alone Kara’s, before she was hurrying off to the board room. Her day was busy, one meeting after another, taking phone calls, writing emails, responding to requests for interviews. And so went the next day, and the day after that, and after that. Kara Danvers’ name sat in her inbox, her messages untouched, until Lena couldn’t see them anymore and she all but forgot they existed.

She put the news on the office TV in a moment of respite, checking in on the world at large while she sipped her coffee. The weather report had just ended, and a breaking news story was just beginning. A reporter was live at the scene of a domestic hostage situation, speaking somberly about incoming details. She touched her ear, then looked up. The camera followed her gaze. Supergirl was flying in, touching down gracefully amidst the gathered police officers. She stood, her cape swirling, her expression serious as she scanned the house and listened to the information from the officers.

Lena’s knuckles whitened on her coffee cup. She knew she should change the channel, turn the TV off and get back to work, back to her distractions, but she couldn’t. Her eyes were locked on Supergirl’s face. She imagined her in a button up blouse, her hair in a ponytail, wearing glasses. She saw, and she couldn’t believe she’d never seen it before, the crinkle between Supergirl’s eyes. Kara’s crinkle. The bow of her lips, the curve of her jaw, the planes of her nose and cheekbones. Kara.

Lena watched as Supergirl entered the house, her heart throbbing with emotions she refused to identify. The reporter’s voice was white noise. Lena’s eyes were fixed on the house in the background, watching the windows, waiting for the sound of gunshots. Slivers of memory flickered behind her eyes, Supergirl...Kara bleeding, Kara dying. Lena shook her head, made herself concentrate on the reporter’s voice.

“...no movement from inside so far, but we’re hopeful that Supergirl can get them out safely. The man has claimed to have a shotgun and multiple bombs rigged in case the police try to move en masse, but we haven’t heard anything yet. It’s just a waiting game right now. Of course, if anyone can diffuse a situation like this, it’s Supergirl.”

There was a sudden flash from one of the windows, the sound of shattering glass. It startled the reporter, who flinched away. The assembled policemen had their weapons at the ready, pointed toward the house. There was silence. Lena didn’t notice but one of her hands was pressed over her heart.

Then the front door opened and Supergirl stepped out. She cradled a woman in her arms. She was looking at the police, her lips moving, but she was too far from the cameraman and microphone for her words to carry through the TV. The reporter was hurriedly filling in the blanks.

“It looks like she’s rescued the hostage, she’s telling the policeman that the man is unconscious inside and there are no bombs on the premises. The police force is moving on the house to apprehend the criminal.” She was smiling, her voice relieved. “Well, folks, no surprise here but Supergirl has done it again.”

Lena released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. The camera was following Supergirl, watching as she brought the traumatised woman to the waiting ambulance. The woman clutched at her uniform and she was clearly weeping. Supergirl was speaking to her, eyes gentle, head bowed a little. Lena felt another memory pressing forward, where she was that woman, the trembling, weeping figure held safe and guarded in Supergirl’s arms. In Kara’s arms. She remembered Kara taking her hand, pressing it to her chest, feeling her heart warm and beating in her palm.

The news story changed to a fundraiser for the local dog pound and Lena switched the TV off. She pressed the heels of her hands beneath her eyes, sliding the tears away before they had a chance to fall. She took a deep, trembling breath, trying to put the images of Kara’s face from her mind. There were other things to worry about, to take care of. Her foolish broken heart was not among them.

 

* * *

 

Lena hadn’t responded to her messages. Kara didn’t know what she was honestly expecting. The messages had been sent haphazardly anyhow, a product of emotional weakness after Kara had finally made it back home that night. She didn’t trust herself to call so she’d sent a few short emails, apology after apology and a final plea for forgiveness or at least for Lena to not hate her forever. But Lena’s silence was answer enough.

Kara tried to move forward, she really did. She tried to avoid flying past L Corp and Lena’s apartment every day. She tried to keep herself from seeing Lena in every woman she rescued. She tried to control her dreams, she tried to stop the tears at night, she tried and tried and tried. But it wasn’t enough. Lena was everywhere, in everything. Her eyes, her smell, her voice, her pain and sadness and the way she couldn’t look at Kara the last time they had been together.

Kara had spent more than her fair share of time on Alex’s couch, fleeing the dark of her apartment on the nights she couldn’t stand to be alone, which was most of them. And Alex didn’t mind, of course she didn’t, and more often than not she held Kara when she cried herself to sleep. But sometimes Kara couldn’t ask it of her and she stayed quiet while the tears fell, burying her face in her pillow, letting the pain fill every inch of her emptiness.

One of those nights a loud sob escaped her on accident and she froze, covering her mouth with her hand, the tears forgotten for a brief moment as she listened for any sign that she had disturbed someone’s sleep. She heard the rustling of sheets in the bedroom, quiet padding footsteps. She cursed herself, hastily wiping her eyes and nose to make herself a little less grotesque. The bedroom door opened and closed again quietly. The couchside lamp clicked on and Kara looked up, an apology ready on her lips.

“Don’t apologize,” Maggie said before Kara could make a sound. “Scoot over, little Danvers.”

Kara sat up, sniffling, making room for Maggie to sit next to her.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Kara whispered, passing her hand across her eyes.

“I’m a light sleeper anyway,” Maggie said. Her dark eyes were tired, but warm. “And I thought maybe you could use some company.”

Kara gave her a weak smile, feeling the sadness rearing back up again. “I’m okay. I’ve had worse.”

Maggie appraised her for a long while, searching her expression. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

Kara tried to keep her composure, but it was dark outside and the quiet of the apartment had been particularly heavy that night and she felt utterly pierced through by Maggie’s kind eyes. Her barriers crumpled and she covered her face with both hands, catching the sob in her chest as quietly as she could. Maggie’s arm went around her shoulders, pulling her in close, hand pressed to her hair.

“It’s okay, Kara,” she said, her voice low and close to her ear. “It’s okay.”

Maggie held her until her tears ran out and all she had left were dry, shuddering sobs and then she held her still. She was warm and the dark and quiet weren’t so heavy anymore. Kara felt safe and she leaned into her even after she stopped crying.

“Heartbreak is a real bitch,” Maggie murmured. “No matter how strong you are, or how strong you think you are, it’ll fuck you up every time.”

“Yeah,” Kara whispered, her breath still hitching a little.

“I remember falling in love for the first time. Not just a crush, but honest-to-God, head-over-heels in love. She was everything I wanted in a person, everything I’d ever hoped I’d find.” Maggie paused and Kara listened to her breathing. “I almost ruined it. I mean, for a while I thought I had. I thought I’d lost her.” Maggie inhaled deeply and there was a tinge of humor to her voice when she spoke again. “But the universe decided that my sorry ass was worth another chance. After all the stupid decisions I made, all the mistakes, I didn’t end up losing her after all.”

Kara looked up at Maggie. “Who was it?”

“Alex, of course.” Maggie smiled softly. “Woman of my dreams and all that.” She paused, then took Kara’s hand. “Listen, Kara. I don’t want to give you false hope or anything, okay? But… maybe don’t give up just yet.”

Kara wanted to agree, she wanted to say she’d pick herself up and give it another try, but she felt herself shaking her head instead. She leaned back a little, sliding her palm across her right eye, forcing the tears back.

“You don’t understand, Maggie. I hurt her. I lied to her.”

“Hey,” Maggie said firmly, squeezing her hand. “That shit happens. It happens way more than any of us would like, but it’s just life. And on top of that, you’re Supergirl. You live a two-sided life. Lying is how you get by. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Kara nodded.

“Lena’s a smart woman. If she’s got any sense, she’ll be able to understand why you kept that secret from her.”

“Maybe,” Kara said quietly, looking down. “But I don’t know if that’ll make any difference at this point.”

Maggie touched her chin, lifting Kara’s face until their eyes met.

“Give yourself a little more credit, little Danvers. You’re good, and you’re kind, and you’re funny and smart and beautiful. Any self-respecting person would be unbelievably lucky to have you. Alright?”

Kara smiled, nodded. Maggie leaned back.

“And after everything is said and done, if she still hasn’t fallen for you, just say the word and I’ll kick her ass for your troubles.”

Kara laughed, then, the sound surprising her as it bubbled out. Maggie smiled and pulled her in for another hug.

“There’s some good news,” she said quietly. “Now you need to get some sleep, understand?”

Kara nodded. Maggie stood, making her way back to the bedroom.

“Maggie,” Kara said, stopping her. She turned. “Thank you.” Kara felt her eyes fill with tears, choking her voice a little. “It’s not enough, but thank you.”

Maggie smiled gently, giving her a little nod.

“Any time, little Danvers.”

Kara lay awake for a long time after that, but she didn’t cry. She thought of Lena, of her smile, their long conversations over lunch and dinner, playing pool together. The moments of happiness they’d shared, the warmth in Lena’s eyes, the feeling that had surrounded them when they were together, the two of them, just Lena and Kara. She drifted to sleep on those thoughts. They felt like sunlight.


	11. Chapter 11

“Danvers! Get in here.” Snapper’s gruff voice startled Kara out of her thoughts and sent her hustling across the office to his desk.

“Yes, Mr. Snapper, sir?”

He gave her a sideways look but didn’t comment on her strange greeting.

“I assume you’ve heard about the Luthor gala?”

Kara’s stomach dropped. She had, of course. One of the biggest events in National City was hard to ignore while working as a journalist in one of the city’s largest media hubs. She had also been doing her level best to be discreetly missing from any room or meeting that involved talk of the gala, lest she be roped into reporting on it. Maggie’s pep talk had soothed her wounds, but she still had no idea where she stood with Lena and the idea of being in the same building with her, let alone the same room, made a flock of uncomfortably energetic butterflies take flight in her stomach.

“Yes, I have,” Kara said, adjusting her glasses nervously.

“Well,” Snapper sighed heavily, looking over the papers at his desk. “It’s in two days and Sanders volunteered to be the face of CatCo coverage.”

He paused, distracted momentarily, muttering something as he re-read a line of text. Kara shifted, pursing her lips in confusion.

“That’s...that’s great. His first big story. Did you want me to....congratulate him?”

“What?” Snapper grunted, looking up at her. “Congratulate him? Danvers, he quit this morning. Got some other job in New York. No, I need you to cover the gala in his place.”

Kara felt a mild panic and she tilted her head, adjusting her glasses again.

“Oh, me? Um, well, I appreciate the opportunity, of course, but actually, I...I can’t.”

“Why?” Snapper asked shortly, his perpetually frowning mouth looking more frowny than usual.

Kara stammered for a moment, trying to think up a suitable excuse.

“I...have a, um, a party...to go to.”

She winced slightly as Snapper’s expression darkened.

“A party? Danvers, you’re a journalist. Are you telling me that a _party_ is worth more to you than your job?”

“Can’t anyone else do it?” Kara tried, annoyed at how wheedling she sounded. “Price has been putting out some good stories, and...oh! Mayweather just wrote that awesome piece on the dichotomy of Supergirl and Superman, I bet she’d have a really interesting take on something Luthor related.”

Snapper removed his glasses and Kara swallowed.

“Danvers, I’m asking _you_. I don’t want Price on this story, and I sure as hell don’t want Mayweather. If you want one of them to do it, you’ll have to let them know that you were just fired and that’s their new assignment in your place instead. Am I clear?”

Kara’s heart sank.

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes what?”

“I’ll...I’ll report on the gala.”

“Good. And I want a direct quote from Lena Luthor. The public responds well to her, it’ll help the story sell.”

Kara clenched her jaw, trying to fight the emotions that rose up at the thought of seeing Lena again face to face.

“Of course, sir.”

“That’s all, Danvers.”

 

* * *

 

The night of the gala found Kara standing in her bathroom, trying to wash a sticky black substance from her hand. She scrubbed hard at it under the water, only succeeding in smearing it around her skin.

“ _Rao_ , I knew waterproof was a bad idea,” she muttered under her breath. “Stupid...frickin’...son of a _gun_.”

The remnants of the mascara tube lay at the bottom of the sink, tendrils of black makeup snaking through the water on the porcelain surface. All she’d wanted to do was steady her shaking hands, exert some control over herself. She hadn’t realized she was gripping the small plastic tube much too tightly until it had exploded in her hand, sending mascara all over her hand, torso and the sink and mirror. Her attempts at cleaning herself up were futile. The waterproof makeup clung stubbornly to her hand and she finally sat heavily on the closed toilet seat, her hand stretched over the sink, and rested her head against the vanity in defeat.

She heard her front door open.

“Kara?” Alex called.

Kara sighed. “In the bathroom.”

“I’ve got your dress, where do you want it?”

“The bed is fine, I guess.”

Kara heard the rustle of plastic on her bedspread, and then Alex poked her head through the door.

“I got it dry cleaned for good measure...hey. Kara? What happened?”

Kara lifted her head, glancing up at Alex and gesturing forlornly at the mess in the sink with her blackened hand.

“I got a little anxious, I guess?”

“Honey,” Alex said quietly.

Kara felt tears building in her eyes and she shook her head angrily, jaw clenching. She’d done so well the last day and a half. The gala felt like the blade of a guillotine about to fall, and every time she thought of it she got this horrible falling feeling in her stomach, but she’d pushed through. She’d distracted herself just fine with work and research and prepping the gala article. She’d hardly thought about Lena at all, somehow, allowing herself to think of the gala in terms of another nondescript affair and not the place where she’d see Lena again in person. Where she’d have to speak to her, hear her voice, possibly stand close enough to smell her.

But of course, tonight rolled around and everything fell to pieces. She’d hardly eaten all day, an unheard of occurrence, because the nerves made her feel nauseous when she even thought about food. And trying to prep herself calmly had clearly not panned out as planned either.

“I don’t think I can do this, Alex.” Kara wiped her eyes with her clean forearm. She saw Alex open her bag and pull out what looked like a Kleenex.

Alex crouched in front of her, taking her dirty hand. She began wiping it with what Kara realized was a makeup removing wipe.

“Listen, Kara. It’s just another job, okay? You’re just gonna go and do your reporter thing, get a few quotes, and call it a night. No sweat.”

“What if she won’t talk to me? Hell, what if she will? What am I supposed to do?” Kara’s voice cracked. “I’ve screwed everything up so badly, Alex. If she hates me and won’t talk to me, I might lose my job for not getting a quote. If she does talk to me, I might just lose my mind and forget what to say.”

Alex was quiet, concentrating, her eyes fixed on Kara’s hand. She wiped away the last of the mascara, then sat back on her heels.

“Kara, I want to ask you something. And you don’t have to answer, but be honest with me, okay?”

Kara nodded wordlessly.

Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her eyes searching Kara’s.

“Do you love her?”

The question stole Kara’s breath away. She blinked, looking away, touching her face instinctively where her glasses usually sat. Love. A pang went through her heart. She thought of Lena, her face, her hands, her voice. Pulling her from the water, the all-encompassing fear and rage that had taken her over when she thought she’d lost her. The way she said Kara’s name as she held her in her arms. The feeling of making her shake and moan and come apart when she was loving her. And the pain, the exquisite, otherworldly agony, when she walked away from Lena for the final time, the pain that she screamed into the stars.

“Yes,” Kara said, her voice barely audible.

Alex held her hand tightly.

“Maggie told me about the talk you two had. About not giving up just yet.”

“Alex, I can’t, not tonight. It’ll be all I can do to keep myself together…”

“I know, Kara,” Alex said gently. “I was going to say, it’s okay to forget that part tonight. She has your heart, that much is certain. Just like Maggie had mine. But when Maggie rejected me the first time, we still had to work together. And it was awful. It hurt, a lot, having to see her and be professional and not a total train wreck knowing that she didn’t want me.”

Kara watched her sister, her heart breaking a little for her pain.

Alex sighed deeply. “But, even though it hurt, I had to deal. I had to push through and ignore the pain because I had a job to do.”

“How?” Kara asked.

“Pretending, mostly. Pretending that she wasn’t the woman I had kissed, that she was just another officer. And knowing that the day would end and I’d be able to go home and cry a little and drink a little and recoup. It’s mostly about surviving. And I know you know all about that.”

Alex touched Kara’s cheek and Kara closed her eyes, leaning into her hand a little, nodding.

“You can survive tonight, Kara. And when it’s all over, come to my place. Maggie and I will have all the pizza and ice cream you could possibly handle.”

Kara smiled a little and leaned forward, hugging Alex tightly. Alex held her tight.

“It’ll be alright,” she murmured. “I promise.”

Alex helped her finish doing her makeup, giving her privacy to get dressed. When she came out into the living room, Alex turned and smiled approvingly.

“You look beautiful.”

Kara saw herself in the mirror, looking tall and professional and a little wicked in the knee-length black sheath. It was her armor tonight. She only hoped it would be enough to keep her safe.

 

* * *

 

The gala was crowded. Kara had expected as much, and she was grateful. It was easy enough to refrain from x-raying the crowd to find Lena. She knew she couldn’t postpone their encounter forever, but damned if she wouldn’t try to delay as long as she could. She sipped on champagne, knowing it would do nothing for her but hoping for a placebo effect to steady her nerves.

A reporter from a sister magazine spotted her and struck up a conversation. It was inane and Kara did more nodding and smiling than actually talking, but the distraction was welcome. Still, she couldn’t help but glance around the room every few seconds, trying to see Lena’s head of black hair. Kara wondered what she looked like tonight, if she’d opted to put her hair up in a professional but stylish bun or if it was loose in flowing waves. Maybe she’d be wearing that dress she saved for special occasions, the dark, jewel-toned green one that hugged her body in exactly the right way.

She didn’t have to wonder further as an amplified voice boomed across the room. Someone was up on the stage, getting everyone’s attention. The room quieted, all eyes turning to face the speaker. Kara’s heart stuttered.

Lena.

Her hair was up, and she wore a dress Kara had never seen before. She was stunning, a vision in red. Her voice was pleasant and light as she welcomed everyone to the gala and thanked them all for coming. Kara didn’t register the rest of her words. She was just staring, enraptured by Lena’s face, her voice, the way her hands moved, the way she smiled. For a moment, Kara’s mind was clear of everything except for Lena standing there on the stage. For a moment, she felt herself smiling.

Lena gave the microphone to the guest of the night, some international mogul who had flown in specially for the gala. Kara didn’t give him a second glance. She watched Lena, who stood a little back from the speaker, her hands folded politely in front of her, her expression pleasant as she scanned the crowd idly. Then her eyes fell on Kara. It took a moment to register, but then Kara’s heart jolted, her adrenaline kicking into overdrive as she met Lena’s gaze for the first time in months. Lena had clearly not been expecting to see her there; she blinked, mouth dropping open just a little. Kara could swear she heard her quiet, sharp intake of breath.

Kara looked down and away, moving quietly through the crowd to the back of the room to the drinks table. She picked up a flute of champagne but her hand was trembling and she thought of the mess in her bathroom earlier that night and set the glass back down carefully before she ended up causing a scene. She adjusted her glasses, closing her eyes for a moment. She thought of Alex’s soothing voice, her words of advice.

Stay professional, she reminded herself. She’s just another rich person at a party who needs to give you a quote for an article, that’s all.

She hung back for a while, though, well after the speaker had finished and the crowd had grown noisy with a hundred different conversations again. She jotted down a few observations in her notebook for the article, writing slowly so as to avoid snapping her pen in a fit of nerves. Every so often she’d glance up, lower her glasses a little and scan the crowd to see where Lena had gone. She was making her rounds, conversing with all kinds of different people, ever the gracious hostess. Kara’s knees felt weak, her heart fluttering like a trapped moth looking for light. She sighed.

Now or never.

Shoulders back, head high, notebook at the ready, she strode across the room, heading purposefully toward where she knew Lena stood. She wove around the milling attendees, apologizing shortly as she stepped through a conversation. Then she saw her, just a few feet away, one arm resting across her stomach and the other gesticulating as she talked to a couple of men. Kara stood there, trying to ignore the light ringing in her ears, waiting for the right moment to get Lena’s attention.

She didn’t have to do anything at all as Lena ended the conversation with the men and turned, facing Kara. She froze, blinking like she had done on stage, looking shellshocked for a few brief seconds before she managed to gain control over her expression again. Kara swallowed, stepping forward, bridging the divide of three feet between them.

“Ms. Luthor,” she said politely. “Sorry to bother you, I just needed a quote from you about tonight’s gala.” She was pleased at how little her voice shook.

Lena seemed a bit dazed, staring at her, not responding. The seconds ticked by. Kara met her gaze and immediately regretted it. Pain blazed behind the green of Lena’s eyes, mixed with confusion and hurt and another emotion Kara couldn’t quite place. This close, Kara could smell her perfume, see the wisps of her dark hair that never quite seemed to cooperate. She wavered, emotion rolling forward like a storm cloud, vulnerable words hovering on the tip of her tongue.

Just another rich woman, Alex told her. Just another quote for just another article.

Kara cleared her throat, looking down at her notebook.

“It won’t take long, I know you’re busy-”

“Of course,” Lena said. Her voice was low, meant for Kara’s ears only. The sound of it made Kara’s chest echo. “I’m sorry, you’re right, I’m very busy at the moment, but I’d be happy to speak with you at the end of the night. I know you won’t have any trouble finding me.”

Kara looked up quickly, suddenly fearful that Lena would blurt something about her powers on accident. But Lena was finished speaking, her lips tight as she smiled. Kara thought she saw tears glinting in her eyes, but then Lena had turned and stepped away, immediately swept up in another conversation with a group of people nearby. Kara watched her longer than she should have, only coming back to herself when she was jostled by a gentleman who had had too much to drink already. She nodded at his apology and ducked away, trying to remember how to breathe, wondering how she was meant to survive the rest of the evening.

 

* * *

 

A gentle breeze wafted across the rooftop, rustling the fabric of Lena’s dress around her knees. Her knuckles were pressed against her mouth, one arm folded across her stomach as she watched the lights of the city shine through the dark. She felt a little ill, her mind turning over and over, piecing together words and phrases that she could use to speak to Kara, but they crumbled like dust before they could gain any kind of coherency. She closed her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. She’d tried to stay through the end of the gala, but she’d lost control of her shaking hands half an hour ago and decided that an early, quiet exit would be better than her guests getting concerned over her well-being. She couldn’t guess how long it would take Kara to discover her absence and x-ray the building to find her again. Maybe it would be another hour, or two. Maybe she wouldn’t come looking for her after all. Lena could hardly blame her. But she hoped against hope that Kara would show and give Lena a chance to ease this weight on her chest.

She needn’t have worried. Hardly fifteen minutes had passed when she heard the rooftop door open behind her. It closed with a quiet click and there were footsteps, drawing close and then stopping. Kara cleared her throat. Lena’s heart jumped and she took a deep breath, turning, not giving herself time to change her mind.

Kara was speaking. “Like I said, Ms. Luthor, this won’t take long at all --”

“I owe you an apology,” Lena interrupted.

Kara looked up from her notebook at Lena, clearly surprised.

“You don’t…”

“I do,” Lena insisted. “Please. I have to do this.”

Kara met her eyes, searching, and there was that warmth, that kindness that had cradled Lena’s weary heart. Lena had to look away.

“I just wanted you to know,” Lena said, the words tumbling out in a rush, “how sorry I am. For everything. For hurting you. For using you for so long. For being so dishonest with you.” Lena felt the tears coming and she cleared her throat, shaking her head a little. “For being so callous.”

“Lena, wait…”

“You have to know, Kara. If I had known that Supergirl was you, that you were her, it wouldn’t have been that way. I...I know it doesn’t change anything. You must think I’m so despicable.” She choked on that word, on the realization of how true it was. She passed her hand across her eyes, looking down. “Especially after everything you did for me. Nearly dying for me. Saving my life.”

She looked up, unable to stand the pain that was bursting through her chest with every heartbeat. Her jaw was clenched, tears blurring her vision, but she looked at Kara because this was it, this was the end and the edge of the cliff had finally arrived and barriers be damned, consequences be damned, she was going to fling herself off and welcome the hard landing below. Kara had to know. Lena was a selfish creature, she knew that, she knew it to her core, but suddenly everything was at the surface, screaming through her veins, and she felt sure she’d die if she didn’t say it now.

“I know it doesn’t matter, Kara. It’s no excuse, but I loved you. I...I love you. I would change everything if I could, you have to know that. I’d have been good to you, I would have loved you the way you deserve. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Kara was silent, stunned, her lips parted and Lena bit down on the pain, moving to turn away. But then Kara was catching her arm, her notebook falling to the roof floor, and she was stepping in, pulling Lena close and her hands were on Lena’s face and she was kissing her, deeply, smearing her tears and holding her tight and kissing her. Lena was taking a deep breath, the surprise chasing the pain away, Kara’s closeness making her forget her selfishness, Kara’s kiss saving her from the fall.

Lena’s brain raced and whirled and her tears kept falling but she pulled back, just enough to see Kara’s eyes. They were blue and tear-filled and warm and broken and whole all at once, and Kara was holding her close, their bodies pressed together.

“I love you, Lena,” Kara said.

Then Lena knew it was real, she felt the pulse of healing move through her heart, into her blood, binding up the cracks that had threatened to make her shatter. The mess was still there, her mistakes still lying in ruin, but it wasn’t an ocean. She wasn’t afraid of drowning anymore.

She pulled Kara in again and kissed her and it was unlike anything else she’d ever felt, ever tasted, because Kara Danvers loved her. And here, on the rooftop high above a shining city, nothing else could have possibly mattered more.


	12. Chapter 12

“Will you come home with me?” Lena heard herself whisper when they had taken a moment to come up for air. The night was growing colder, the fall season setting in with a bite. Lena felt chills where Kara’s arms weren’t wrapped around her. 

Kara nodded, stroking Lena’s cheek with her thumb. “Of course.”

Lena pressed her hands to Kara’s collarbones, amending herself. “I’m...I’m not asking you to sleep with me, I just thought we could go somewhere inside, and I figured it’s as good a place as any...”

Kara smiled, touching her cheek. “I know what you meant. Come on, I’ll take you home.”

She stepped back a pace. “I hope you don’t mind, I’ll just need to -” 

Suddenly she was gone, a gust of wind from her speedy departure striking Lena in the face. She stumbled back, blinking, but hardly a moment’s breath had passed and then Supergirl had returned, clad in her uniform. 

She lifted her arms a little, a small smile on her lips. “Hope I didn’t take too long.”

Lena didn’t register her words. She was staring. Her heart had sped up a little, her brain racing and fumbling to catch up to the reality that she had understood but never seen. She took Supergirl in, looking her up and down. She stepped a little closer. Kara’s smile had faded and she was quiet, watching Lena’s expression, seeming to understand the slight confusion and hesitancy. She reached her hand out and Lena took it, looking down, rubbing her thumb across Kara’s fingers. She looked back up, searching Kara’s face. 

“It is you, isn’t it?” she said quietly, trying to make the two ends meet. 

Kara nodded, and pressed Lena’s hand over her heart.

“It is me.”

Yes, it was, Lena thought. Those were Kara’s eyes, shining and gentle, no glasses to hide behind. That was her quiet smile. Lena looked for a long time, waiting for something to change, for the world to twist and collapse again, for the doubt and fear to flood back in. But it never did. Finally, she nodded, feeling herself relax a little.

Kara smiled softly. “May I take you home, Lena Luthor?”

Lena felt tired, suddenly, and cold. Her emotions had left every edge raw and ragged. She was weary in a way she’d never experienced, and she just wanted to sleep.

“Yes, Kara, you may,” she whispered. 

Kara leaned down and scooped her up into her arms, carrying her bridal style. Lena looped her arms around Kara’s neck and they lifted off the roof gently. She lay her head against Kara’s shoulder, watching her profile for a long while, marveling over the beauty of her, the way her face seemed to shine even in the darkness. Then Lena closed her eyes, nuzzling in close to her neck. She didn’t see the way Kara smiled.

They touched down on her balcony but Kara didn’t let her go. She slid open the glass door deftly with one hand, stepping inside. There was a pause, a moment of quiet. Lena kept her eyes closed and her head on Kara’s collarbone, dreading the moment that she wouldn’t be held safe in her arms. She was so tired of being alone, so tired of being afraid. She’d been sure that she’d never be close to Kara or Supergirl again, but now that she had her back, she couldn’t stand the idea of letting her go. 

Lena didn’t speak but her hold on Kara tightened ever so slightly. There was a surge of emotions, heavy behind her eyes, closing around her throat. She pressed her lips together, praying for strength to not completely unravel. 

Kara seemed to notice and she laid her cheek against Lena’s head.

“Lena?” she murmured.

“Please don’t let me go,” Lena whispered, the words coming out before she could stop them. 

She heard Kara’s quiet exhale, felt Kara’s lips press gently against her hair. Kara moved silently to the bed. She lay Lena easily on the mattress and in the same motion laid down beside her, wrapping her arms around her torso, pulling her close. 

They lay there in the stillness. Lena’d never heard a silence so warm before. Their faces were so close that she could feel Kara’s soft breath on her skin. Moonlight shone on Kara’s face, making her radiant, goddess-like. Lena couldn’t stop herself from staring and she was too tired to try. It didn’t seem real, lying here beside Kara, Kara with that red and yellow S on her chest, Kara with a warm, beating heart and love in her eyes. Lena felt like she was dreaming, drifting, like she’d been lifted to a separate plane of existence by some otherworldly being who wanted to protect her for a little while. She never wanted to leave. 

A tear slipped from her eye, sliding across the bridge of her nose. Kara saw it and she cupped Lena’s cheek in her hand, closing the space between their lips, kissing her. Lena tasted her again, the softness of her, the sweetness that she knew now belonged only to Kara. Kara kissed her deeply, wrapping her arms around Lena’s shoulders, their bodies winding together. She kissed her and Lena tasted her love, felt it making her chest shake and her heart glow. Another tear fell and this time Lena couldn’t tell which one of them it belonged to. 

When their lips parted it was only just, millimeters separating them. Their breaths came deep, matching the cadence of their racing hearts. Lena held Kara’s face. She opened her eyes, got lost in the dark blue of Kara’s gaze, slid her thumb across a tear track shining on Kara’s cheek. Kara was searching her, looking less for a point on a map and more for a wound to heal. Lena was silent. Her fingers drifted across Kara’s parted lips, tracing their outline. Kara caught her wrist carefully, pressing her mouth to Lena’s palm, kissing her there. 

“I’m never letting you go,” Kara whispered. Lena watched the sweep of her eyelashes as she looked up. “Not ever, Lena Luthor.”

Lena couldn’t answer. She nestled into Kara’s embrace, resting her head against her chest. Exhaustion drew over Lena like a blanket. The steady pulse of Kara’s strong heart sounded like home. For the first time in as long as she could remember, Lena wasn’t afraid to fall asleep. For the first time, she knew she was safe. 

 

* * *

 

When Lena woke, sunlight streamed in through the window. The blankets were warm and tangled. She breathed deeply, blinking slowly, realizing that she hadn’t dreamed at all the night before and she hadn’t felt this well-rested in what felt like years. The previous night’s events started trickling back into her mind and for a moment fear arrested her heart, fear that she had made everything up, fear that she was, in fact, alone again today just as she had been every other day. 

But she rolled over and there was Kara, propped up on one arm with her head on her hand, watching Lena quietly. A smile spread across Kara’s face as she saw Lena awake. She looked radiant, the sun in Lena’s bed, all golden hair and blue eyes and light. 

“Good morning,” she said.

Lena was quiet, trying to comprehend what she was seeing, the implications of last night. She reached out, her fingers stroking Kara’s arm. 

“You’re here,” she murmured.

The crinkle appeared. “Is it alright that I slept over?”

“Yes,” Lena said fervently. “Of course it is. I just...I’m having a hard time believing this is real.”

Kara leaned in, her knuckles grazing Lena’s cheek, and kissed her tenderly. Butterflies erupted in Lena’s chest and she couldn’t help but sigh. She felt Kara’s smile.

“You should start believing, Lena,” Kara whispered against her lips. “Because this is real.”

Kara pulled away and it took a moment for Lena’s eyes to open again. 

“I hope you don’t mind,” Kara said. “I borrowed some of your clothes last night.”

Lena hadn’t even noticed but now she saw that Kara was wearing one of her t-shirts. Her stomach flipped but she laughed quietly. 

“What, you didn’t want to sleep in boots and a cape?”

Kara rolled her eyes but her smile betrayed her. “I mean as comfortable as that would be.”

They both chuckled at that. Lena’s eyes flickered down; she reached out, running her fingers across the back of Kara’s palm. She knew that something more would need to be said, that there were months and weeks of pain to talk through, but she didn’t want to break this moment, this bubble of gold and warmth and safety. She’d live in it forever if she could. 

“How did you sleep?” Kara murmured. 

A smile lifted the corner of Lena’s mouth and she looked up. “Better than I have in a long time.”

She didn’t mean it as a jab but she saw the implication of her words flicker across Kara’s face. Kara blinked, the crinkle engraved between her eyebrows. She looked down, twining her fingers between Lena’s.

“I’m sorry, Lena,” she whispered. “It’s never going to be enough, but I’m so sorry I didn’t save you. I’ll never forgive myself for letting that happen, for letting them take you.”

Lena heard the tears in her voice and she touched her cheek, making her look up. 

“Kara, don’t,” she said, her voice low and earnest, her eyes searching Kara’s face. “I don’t blame you.”

“You should,” Kara said, a humorless bark of laugh in her voice. Her expression crumpled and she looked down again, her lip trembling. “I have nightmares. Of watching them drag you away, finding you in the water. You could’ve died, Lena. And it would’ve been my fault.”

“No,” said Lena firmly. “You didn’t send those bastards after me. You didn’t know they were coming.” Kara was shaking her head, looking down, and Lena watched as a tear dropped onto the bedspread. Lena sat up then, facing Kara, taking her face in both her hands. The agony in Kara’s eyes was heart-wrenching. Lena wiped the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs. 

“Kara, listen to me. You  _ did _ save me. You’re the reason I’m still alive. You have to understand that.”

“It was luck that I found you when I did…”

“Not that,” Lena said. “Don’t you remember? I told you in the hospital. The water that night was so cold, I’m sure I was hypothermic within minutes. I could have died a dozen times. I could have just stopped fighting and fallen asleep. I could have just let everything go. I wanted to. But I didn’t. I couldn’t, because you were saying my name, asking me to stay. And how could I say no to the woman I love?”

Kara blinked at the word, another tear streaking down her cheek. 

“I was an idiot anyway,” Lena said. “Rigging that missile the way I did. But I...I thought you were dead. And I thought it was because of me. So I just thought that maybe I could make up for that, I could save some lives the way you would have wanted. Even if it meant losing my own.” Lena tried to smile through the tears in her eyes.

Kara was taking her hand then, sitting up and leaning forward and brushing a tear from Lena’s cheek and kissing her hard. She drove Lena backward, pressing her down against the mattress, into the bedclothes, straddling her body, one hand on her face. Lena could taste the salt on her lips and she felt the fear and the fury of that fated night boiling in her chest. She felt the agony of loss and the terror and heartbreak in Kara’s mouth, in her hands, in the weight of her body holding Lena down. 

Lena tilted her head to kiss her deeper and their lips parted for a fraction of a second and Kara drew a ragged breath that sounded like a sob. Lena’s hands moved on their own, holding her face tightly then moving to grip her hair, run down her neck, across her shoulders, grip the muscles of her back and pull her closer, closer. She felt like breaking, like falling apart, like bursting open and letting the pain that had drowned her flow outward and leave her empty and free. She wanted to reach inside Kara and pull out the anger and the guilt and the fear, piece by piece, every ounce until she could breathe again. 

But they were lost, the both of them, rolling in their haunted memories and not looking for a way out, burying themselves in each other instead, letting the damage sink heat into their bones and giving themselves over to it. Their mouths moved together and the small sounds that emerged sounded like muffled cries. There were moments of hovering, their lips still brushing but only just, their breaths coming hard and deep, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together. They were learning to breathe again, finding the taste and smell and sound of the other while the jumbled fragments of the puzzle fell into place in their minds. And when their mouths locked together again, it was fury and desperation. 

Their fingers twisted together, their legs intertwined, their bodies so close it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. But they were safe, despite the demons that had torn them open night after night. They were together, the both of them, Kara and Lena, they were together and they had used the word  _ love _ aloud and it was alright. Still their hearts cried and fear was still a tattoo on the underside of their minds because  _ I thought I lost you _ . And when they finally slowed and their kisses fell on cheeks and foreheads they were still clothed and their hands had only touched their souls.

They lay face to face, their legs wound together, tear tracks only just drying on their cheeks. Lena ran her finger across the length of Kara’s eyebrow, touching the scar between her eyes. 

“We’re sort of a mess, aren’t we?” Kara said, a small smile touching the corner of her lips, her voice raspy.

“I’m afraid we are,” Lena murmured. 

“We’ll be alright,” Kara said. Lena heard the question in her words and she touched her cheek. 

“We will.”

Kara looked at her. “Together?”

The word was everything. It was a promise, a sunrise after the longest night. It was hope that they could finally heal, grow again, live instead of just surviving, and they wouldn’t have to do it alone. 

Lena smiled softly. She felt sunlight on her back. “Yes. Together.”

 

_ Fin. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh. What a journey! I cannot thank all of you guys enough for all the support you've given me to see this thing through. I hope I've done our ladies justice and that you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you'd like to get in touch with me about my writing, feel free to contact me on tumblr, username prettyaveragewhiteshark. My updated writing information is in my bio. I love you all! And again, thank you so so much!


	13. A New Year's Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a small gift from me to all of you. Thank you all for making this fic one of the epic journies of 2017. Here's to a new year, new chances, and new opportunities in a beautiful 2018. I love you all.

The party was going well. Spirits were high and Lena could see nothing but smiling, laughing faces across the room. Another New Year’s Eve party pulled off without a hitch in sight. She glanced up at the large clock that she’d had built for the occasion. The face read ten minutes after 11 o’clock. Less than an hour til the new year. Her heartstrings tugged not for the first time that night and she wished again that Kara was here. It was selfish, she knew - National City needed Supergirl more than she did tonight - but she couldn’t help but long for Kara’s hand in hers, their lips pressed together, their bodies close for the moment when the clock struck midnight. 

As if on cue, she felt her phone vibrate. She pulled it out, glancing at the screen. On the message banner was a simple message from Kara herself:  _ Meet me in your office, ASAP _ .

Her heart dropped a little. Was something wrong? But no, surely if something truly dire had occurred, Kara would not be sending her a text about it. A second message buzzed through a moment after the first:  _ Don’t worry, everything’s fine. _ Lena smiled a little, marveling not for the first time since they’d begun dating at how well Kara knew her, and, more than that, how much she cared for her. Nothing was too small for Kara to notice, and none of Lena’s anxieties escaped her attention. Lena had never felt more seen. She’d never felt safer.

She found one of her security guards on her way out of the room, letting him know, “I’ve got some business to take care of in my office.”

“Would you like a detail to come with you?”

Lena shook her head, a wry smile touching her lips, “I’ll be plenty safe.”

The lights in her office were off save for the lamp on her desk, which had been flipped on. The city outside cast a glow through the windows, dimly illuminating the room. She didn’t see Kara until she moved, shifting from where she had been leaning against one of the window panes. Lena closed the door quietly behind her. She nearly said Kara’s name, but caught herself - she wasn’t sure if Kara was Kara right now, or if she was Supergirl. Kara began approaching, but she was silent. 

“Hey,” Lena said, for lack of a better greeting. “Is everything…”

Kara stepped into the lamplight and Lena’s breath caught, cutting her off mid-sentence. She was wearing an elegant blue cocktail dress, one that clung to her every curve and showed off her toned arms. The neckline was deep, ending well beneath her sternum. She wasn’t wearing her glasses and her eyes were focused on Lena, piercing. 

“Oh,” was all Lena could manage. 

Then Kara’s hands were on her face and she was kissing her deeply, hungrily. The breath left Lena’s lungs and she was returning the kiss, moaning a little. Kara dipped briefly, gripping the backs of Lena’s thighs and hoisting her easily up onto her waist. She wrapped her arm around Lena’s back and started kissing her neck with ferocity. Lena gasped, threading her fingers through the hair at the base of Kara’s neck, gripping tightly, holding her there. 

Kara was moving forward, taking easy strides, her lips never faltering as she pinned Lena up against the wall. Her tongue traced a hot line from clavicle to jaw, making Lena’s eyes roll back a little. She nipped at Lena’s jawline then pressed hard kisses against the skin there. Lena struggled to keep her sounds under control - she didn’t want security to hear something and come running. 

“Kara,” she whispered hotly. “Didn’t -- didn’t you have a patrol tonight?”

“Maggie called in a favor,” Kara growled, hardly pausing as she dragged the strap of Lena’s dress from her shoulder. “Doubled the police force so Supergirl could have the rest of New Year’s Eve to herself.”

“God bless Maggie,” Lena managed, shutting her eyes rapturously as Kara’s mouth traveled across her shoulder and collarbones. 

Kara chuckled a little at that, pulling Lena’s dress down to her waist. She caught one of Lena’s nipples in her mouth. Lena arched, her fingers turning into claws beneath Kara’s hair. 

“Oh, god…” she gasped.

Kara’s tongue wasn’t still, swirling and caressing the sensitive skin, teasing Lena mercilessly. Lena felt wetness growing at her core and it was all she could do to keep from demanding that Kara fuck her right then and there. She took Kara’s face, pulling her up to catch her mouth in another kiss. Kara moaned, her hand snaking around to hold the back of Lena’s head. Her lips were generous, parting to make way for Lena’s tongue. Lena kissed her deeply, trying to take in the taste of her, trying to memorize it. 

Kara held her more tightly and backed away from the wall, pressing their bodies closely together. Lena broke the kiss, pressing her lips down across Kara’s cheek and jawbone. She caught her earlobe between her teeth and tugged at it ever so slightly.

“Take me, Kara,” she whispered. 

She didn’t have to ask twice. Kara lowered her onto the desk, a low moan in her throat. Her hands were strong and commanding as she dragged Lena’s hips forward, hitching her dress up, and Lena felt a little breathless. It never failed to amaze her how both powerful and careful Kara was when handling her body. She wasn’t afraid to take what Lena was giving, but she never abused her strength either. Lena had never felt so vulnerable and so safe at the same time. 

Kara leaned in against Lena, kissing her deeply again. Her hand went between Lena’s legs, grazing her inner thigh until she found her wetness. Her fingers pressed against Lena’s core. Lena gasped, clutching at Kara’s back, tilting her head back as Kara began kissing her neck again. Kara’s fingers moved slowly, tantalizing. Lena bit her lip, muffled whimpers escaping her throat. But then Kara pulled her hand away.

“I want to taste you, Miss Luthor,” she murmured throatily. 

“God, please,” Lena said, unable to manage a full thought in her haze of need. 

Kara got to her knees, her hand trailing across Lena’s chest, palming one of her breasts as she kissed the tops of Lena’s thighs. She looked up at Lena for a moment, her blue eyes dark, her pupils blown. Lena touched her head softly, twining her fingers through her hair, her chest heaving. A small smile passed across Kara’s mouth.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” she murmured as she placed another kiss on Lena’s inner thigh.

Then she pulled Lena’s hips closer, putting her thighs over her shoulders. Her mouth found Lena’s core. The pleasure was immediate, a glowing ember that spread in waves through her center. Lena let her head fall back, a small cry pulling out of her throat. Kara’s tongue was warm and insistent, moving against her heat hungrily. Lena held Kara’s head closer, biting her lip to keep from making too loud a noise. Kara made a low sound of satisfaction, her hand gripping Lena’s thigh more tightly.

Lena’s supporting arm began trembling and she lowered herself as slowly as she could to avoid jarring Kara and halting her ministrations. She lay back on the desk, arching a little, both hands on the back of Kara’s head now. The heat had begun to build already, tension working its way through her muscles. 

“Please don’t stop, Kara,” she whispered.

She rocked her hips up, meeting the rhythm of Kara’s mouth. Kara moaned and began to pick up tempo. The heat was growing, sending spasms through Lena’s taut body. She lifted her head a little to look down at Kara. Kara’s eyes were rapturously closed, her head nodding in time to the steady movements of her mouth. Lena felt suddenly breathless for an entirely separate reason, and she tenderly touched the side of Kara’s head. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but then Kara looked up at her, and her eyes were dark and hungry, and her mouth was warm and wet and just right and the heat overtook her then. It burst open from her core, rippling up and out in waves and Lena was arching back against the desk and holding her mouth to keep from crying out and her hips were pulsing as if with a will of their own, pulling more from Kara’s generous mouth, more until she was shaking and collapsing all at once and the heat dissipated and she lay there, boneless and breathless and glowing a little. 

Kara stood, wiping her mouth and smiling. She leaned over Lena, placing a gentle hand on her cheek and kissing her softly. Her blue eyes were still dark, but they were as tender as they had ever been.

“Was that alright?” she murmured.

Lena laughed quietly at that, still somewhat breathless. “It was a little more than alright.”

Kara smiled. “Good.”

Then she was sliding her arms under Lena’s neck and knees, picking her up easily and carrying her to the office chair. Kara sat, maneuvering Lena so she was straddling her legs. Lena didn’t even try to hide her arousal at the display of strength.

“God, I love when you do that,” she murmured throatily, then captured Kara’s mouth in a deep kiss. 

She moved her hand down into the front of Kara’s dress, kneading her breast, teasing at her nipple. Kara moaned into Lena’s mouth. Lena couldn’t help her devil smile, pulling her hand back out. Before Kara could protest, she had slipped her fingers between Kara’s thighs and found her core. They both gasped at the same time, Kara at the touch and Lena at the wetness. Lena leaned in, biting carefully at Kara’s earlobe again.

“Now. What can I do for you, Miss Danvers?”

Before Kara could answer, there was a flash of light outside the window. They both turned, startled, to see three fireworks blossoming over the city skyline. More were shooting across the darkness like comets to burst open in glowing splashes of red, gold and white. The delayed explosions boomed distantly, making the windows shudder. Lena and Kara were both transfixed by the display for a few moments. Then Kara laughed delightedly and looked up at Lena. 

“Happy New Year, Lena.”

Lena held Kara’s face reverently. 

“Happy New Year, Kara,” she murmured, then leaned down and kissed her.

Kara wrapped her arm tightly around Lena’s back, pulling her in close, her other hand cupping Lena’s cheek. She kissed her earnestly, her mouth soft and eager. Lena let their tongues dance, drawing out heat and feeling. She sighed into the kiss, somehow both blissfully aroused and at peace here, perfectly alive and a little disheveled on the lap of the woman she loved. 

She heard the office door open and they were both scrambling then, practically falling off the chair as they pulled their dresses back to cover themselves. 

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.”

Lena looked over to see the head of security at the door, looking away with a thoroughly embarrassed expression on his face. 

“What is it?” she asked, her tone a little brusque with her own unease. 

“Some of the party goers, they’re asking for you. They want to say goodbye before they leave.”

Lena sighed, straightening her dress. She looked over at Kara, an apology on her lips, but Kara waved her hand before she could say anything. 

“It’s alright. Go. Be a good hostess. I’ll meet you at home?”

Lena nodded, and, with small kiss goodbye, she followed the head of security out the door and into the waiting party downstairs.

 

* * *

 

It was another hour before Lena left the party. It would’ve been longer, but she didn’t want to keep Kara waiting anymore. She gave the security detail instructions to lock up and slipped quietly out the back to the car she’d called to take her home. The apartment was mostly dark when she arrived. She found Kara asleep on the couch in front of a roaring fire, still wearing her cocktail dress. There was a bottle of champagne and two empty glasses on the coffee table. Lena stood there for a long moment, watching Kara’s peaceful face, illuminated in the soft light. 

She still couldn’t believe it most days, everything that had happened. That she had somehow fallen in love with Supergirl without even realizing it, and that, somehow, Supergirl, Kara, had fallen in love with her too. That the two people who mattered most to her in the world - the Kryptonian superhero and the reporter from Catco - had turned out to be the same person. If she thought about it too hard it began feeling like some kind of elaborate fever dream. It had been many long months since her kidnapping, since she had nearly died, since Kara had saved her life, since her entire world had fallen completely apart and then somehow been put back together. 

She was still scarred, mentally and physically. The dreams, though they had finally begun fading in the recent weeks, hadn’t left her alone for a long while after the incident. They would send her from sleep into consciousness screaming and shaking, thrashing at the open air as if she were drowning, images of Kara dead on her bedroom floor branded behind her eyes. Had she been alone those nights, had she been the only one in the dark and shadow, trapped in the room where it had all happened, it would have been unbearable. She didn’t want to think about the avenues she would’ve gone down had she had to bear it alone. But Kara had been, once again, her savior. She was there each night, unfailingly gentle, her voice always the first thing Lena heard after jarring out of the nightmares. That voice, the one that had kept her from dying in that icy water, kept her alive as she traversed the hellscape of her damaged mind.

“It’s alright. You’re safe, Lena. I’m here. You’re safe.”

But Lena was not the only one who needed saving. Kara had nightmares of her own that sent her into fits of half-conscious panic, sobbing and clutching at Lena desperately as she choked out apologies, begging Lena “please don’t be dead, please don’t die.” Listening to her, the unbreakable Girl of Steel, beg as though nothing mattered except that she didn’t have to see Lena die, was a special brand of heartbreak Lena had never felt before. So she held her tightly, whispering promises into her hair until her sobs faded. “I’m here. I’m alive. I’ll never leave you. Never, Kara.”

But if some night were soaked in pain, most days were sunlight. Every day she knew Kara was another day she fell further in love with her. They went through the pain and struggle of healing together, battling their separate demons side by side. Lena had never been so vulnerable with anyone before. Her whole life had been one long lesson in staying cold and closed off. It was the only way to protect herself, or so she believed. But Kara broke those rules from the beginning and Lena was shocked to discover that, instead of the danger and heartache she had expected, she had found pure freedom in letting Kara see her completely. 

Kara was gentle and kind and better than anything Lena ever could’ve imagined. They spent many long, late nights talking. Lena was both surprised and a little embarrassed about how little she had known about Kara, but Kara never made her feel badly for it. 

“That’s the thing about a secret identity,” she’d said. “There’s a lot I can’t talk about when I’m Supergirl. And, frankly, it was my fault that I never had very much time with you as Kara. I was scared. I thought you wouldn’t like me as much as you liked the Girl of Steel.”

Lena had laughed at that. “I was always in love with Kara. She was gentle, and good, and she made me feel completely human. But, truth be told, I would’ve seen that in Supergirl as well if I’d just taken the time to look.”

Lena watched Kara now, her peaceful sleeping face, and she felt overwhelmed. Somehow, this incredible woman had chosen her, a Luthor of all people, to be with. To love. Lena knew that whatever else happened in her life, she’d never be able to repay the universe for this gift. 

She took her shoes off one at a time and padded to the couch. As she knelt down beside it, Kara woke with a start, sitting up quickly and looking disoriented for a moment. She saw Lena and touched her forehead. 

“Lena, I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice a little groggy. “I was trying to stay up.”

Lena touched her hand, shaking her head. “Don’t apologize. I’m sorry I took so long.”

Kara smiled a little sleepily, twining her fingers through Lena’s. “It’s alright. How was the party?”

“Oh, fine,” Lena chuckled, waving her free hand. “You know, just a lot of rich drunk people, doing what rich drunk people do.”

“And what is it that rich drunk people do?”

“Well,” Lena hummed, kissing Kara’s fingers softly. “For one, they love interrupting their hostess’s mind blowing sexual experiences.”

Kara wrinkled her brow in mock disapproval. “Now that is upsetting. It sounds like I might need to have a word or two with these rich drunk people.”

“I think you just might,” Lena agreed gravely. Then she gave an apologetic smile. “I really am sorry about that.”

“Oh, don’t be,” Kara said dismissively. “It wasn’t your fault. Besides, I got exactly what I wanted.”

“But what about what I want?” Lena asked, her tone entirely too innocent. 

Kara leaned forward then, her eyes and smile just a little sly. 

“And what is it that you want, Miss Luthor?”

Lena didn’t answer right away. She looked up into Kara’s face, into her clear blue eyes, smiling at the teasing expression on her face. But then her smile faded, and a surge of emotion filled her chest, flooding into her limbs and throat and head. That question was suddenly surrounding her:  _ What is it you want? _ And in that moment, looking at Kara, feeling the warmth of her skin, being alone with her so easily, so perfectly, so safely, for the first time she knew the answer to that question, and it was so simple.

“You,” she said. 

Kara’s expression had changed, matching the sudden gravity of Lena’s tone. She leaned in, her knuckles drifting across Lena’s cheek, and kissed her softly. Then she pulled back and stood, offering her hand to Lena. 

“Come on,” she said quietly. 

Lena took her hand and Kara pulled her to her feet, then swept her up into her arms. Lena held the back of Kara’s neck, watching her face. Kara looked back at her, eyes steady and warm. They didn’t kiss. They didn’t speak. The silence was too important for that. Lena pressed their foreheads together, breathing in deeply as Kara walked them into the bedroom. Her heart had begun racing and she felt a deep well of emotion rising in her throat. 

Kara set her carefully on her feet beside the bed. Lena kept her arms over Kara’s shoulders, leaning in and kissing her neck as she undid the clasp on the back of her dress. She felt Kara’s hands at her back, letting down her zipper. Kara shrugged out of her dress, letting it fall in a quiet heap at her feet. Lena did the same, stepping out of it, pulling Kara close to her, letting her lips drift across her shoulder, down her collarbone to the hollow of her neck. 

Kara took a deep breath, her chest shuddering a little. She wrapped her arms around Lena, holding the back of her head, nosing into her hair. They stood there a moment, their bodies pressed together, breathing each other in.

Then Lena pulled Kara onto the mattress, laying over her. She touched Kara’s cheek. Kara was searching her face, her expression a mix of unnameable emotions. She seemed slightly breathless, but patient, as if giving Lena all the time she needed. The crease had appeared between her eyebrows, and Lena touched it gently. She was taking it all in, branding Kara’s face permanently into the corners of her brain. This was where Lena was safe, in Kara’s eyes, in the love and awe and gentleness of her expression. 

“I love you,” Kara said, her voice hushed and reverent. “I love you, Lena.”

Lena kissed her then, to seal the words, to answer the promise with her own. The kiss was fervent, an outpouring of need and heat mixed with an aching desire to be careful,  _ God, be careful _ , because this wasn’t the time to start breaking things. She kissed her deeply, and Kara sighed, wrapping her arms around Lena. Their bodies twined together, a frenzied energy born between them. The city outside illuminated their skin, accenting their movements with equal parts light and shadow. Their lips were never still, touching and pulling and searching for new purchase, punctuated by gasps and soft moans.

Lena pressed her leg up between Kara’s thighs and Kara broke the kiss, her mouth falling open, a full-throated moan coming out. She lifted her hips, grinding against Lena and Lena met the movement with her own, their bodies perfectly in sync. Lena left bruising kisses along Kara’s throat, her breath coming hard as Kara’s thigh pressed against her center. Kara found her mouth again, kissing her deeply, the rhythm of her hips never slowing. 

Lena pulled at the back of Kara’s knee as if to drag her closer than she already was. She traced her palm up Kara’s thigh, across her hip, trailing her fingers along her flexing stomach and torso, finally closing around her breast. Her palm wasn’t still, carefully rubbing the sensitive skin. Kara moaned into Lena’s mouth. 

“Oh, fuck,” she said, her voice hardly more than a whine. 

Lena pulled back a little, breathing hard, still grinding with her leg at Kara’s core. She let her eyes flit across Kara’s breathless body, drinking her in. Kara opened her eyes. Her chest was heaving, her lips slightly swollen and parted. She watched Lena for a long moment, shivers of pleasure making her body tremble where Lena pressed against her just right. Then, very deliberately, she reached up and moved Lena’s hand from her chest, pulling it between her legs. 

She was soaked with slick wetness and the first feel of her made Lena’s breath catch. She leaned back in, kissing Kara again. She pressed the pad of her fingers against Kara’s heat, sliding in a careful pulsing rhythm. Kara held the kiss as long as she could, but a well-placed stroke of Lena’s fingers made her break away, gasping, a moan low in her throat. She reached down, holding Lena’s hand close to her, matching the rhythm of her movements. 

Kara’s eyes closed rapturously. Her moans were coming more frequently now. Lena pressed kisses against her cheek and neck, watching her face, her open mouth, the look of her eyes rolling back under the lids. She felt very nearly delirious at the pleasure of seeing Kara like this, of making her feel this way. 

“God, Lena,” Kara whispered. “You’re gonna make me come.”

Lena groaned a little, dropping her face into Kara’s neck, kissing her there and sighing at the multitude of feelings coursing through her. She increased the pace of her fingers ever so slightly, listening with pleasure as Kara cried out a little. 

“Yes, right there. Please don’t stop, Lena.”

Kara’s body had begun to tense up, the planes of her torso going rigid. Her hands clutched at the sheets, the muscles in her arms and shoulders standing out more than usual. Her neck was taut, head thrown back, golden hair strewn across the pillows. She was a goddess, an ethereal creation. And here she was, naked, vulnerable, crying out Lena’s name. Lena thanked whatever gods there were that everything in her life had led her to this moment. She felt a tension in her throat. 

She pressed an earnest kiss to Kara’s temple. 

“I love you, Kara,” she whispered.

“Oh, Lena, oh --!”

Kara broke then, her back arching off the mattress, a loud cry pulling out of her throat as she came. Her body trembled violently, her hips grinding down hard against Lena’s hand. She held her hand over Lena’s still, keeping it in place, thrusting furiously downward as the waves of her orgasm overtook her. Words and sounds tumbled burst from her, cries of “yes” and “Lena” and other wordless exclamations pouring out until she collapsed, gasping, trembling, rolling over into Lena’s arms. Kara leaned up, her chest heaving, and caught Lena’s mouth in a kiss. 

Lena held her close, carding her fingers through her hair, kissing her tenderly, passionately. Kara’s mouth was pliant and open, giving and taking each kiss carefully, as if it were a gift. Her trembling breaths began to slow and she pressed her lips to the corner of Lena’s mouth, then her cheek, her jaw, and she dropped her head, burying her face in Lena’s neck. She lifted her hand, stroking Lena’s cheek, fingers toying with her hair. 

“Are you alright?” Lena murmured, pressing a kiss against her head. 

Kara took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. She nodded against Lena’s throat. “Yes. I’m wonderful.” Her voice sounded a little choked. 

“Well I already knew that,” Lena said, her tone teasing but she was worried at the emotion in Kara’s voice. She pulled her head back, looking down at Kara. 

Kara was looking at her with the strangest expression on her face. Tears were pooling in her eyes and Lena’s heart dropped. She cupped her cheek.

“Kara, my love. What is it? What’s wrong?”

Kara shook her head, a small smile on her lips even as a tear slipped from her eye. She pressed her palm to the back of Lena’s hand, holding it close to her face. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all. I’m just...I’m so happy with you.”

Lena’s worry turned to tenderness in an instant. She smiled softly. “I am too. So very happy.”

Kara was looking at her, something warm and a little afraid in her eyes. She looked as though she wanted to say something, but for a few long moments she was quiet, searching Lena’s face, seeming to look for clues that would give her the signal to speak. Lena nearly asked her what was happening in that beautiful mind of hers, but she stopped herself at the last moment. It was important, she felt, that Kara say what she needed to say on her own time. 

She didn’t have to wait long. 

“Lena,” Kara said. Her voice was low and soft, and it carried a weight that Lena hadn’t heard before. “I...I love you. I’ve loved you for the longest time. And… I don’t know much, but I know that when life gives you second chances, you don’t take them for granted.”

Lena’s heart began beating a little faster. She felt her breath catch in her throat. 

“And maybe this is crazy, but I’ve been thinking about this for the longest time and I can’t seem to shake it. I don’t want to shake it. It just makes sense. You’re my best friend, and you’re the love of my life, and I never want to have to say goodbye to you. I haven’t been brave enough before, but I think I’m brave enough now. And I just want to ask you…”

Kara hesitated for the barest of moments, taking a deep breath, looking earnestly into Lena’s eyes. 

“Lena, will you marry me?”

There was a rushing sound in Lena’s ears. Her heart was racing and her breath was coming short. Her vision was blurred and she was laughing and crying and the answer, the easiest answer to the simplest question, was spilling out of her. 

“Yes, Kara, yes. Of course I will.”

And then Kara was laughing and crying too and kissing her and hugging her close, the sound of her laughter pure and joyful and Lena felt whole suddenly, as if a final piece had slipped into place that she didn’t even realize had been missing before. And it was Kara, of course it was Kara, in her arms, in her heart, giving her the simplest promise, the most perfect gift. 

“I have a ring,” Kara said through her happy tears. “It’s at my place, I just didn’t want to wait…”

“Screw the ring,” Lena murmured thickly, looking up at her. Kara gently pressed a tear away from the corner of her eye. “You’re all I want, Kara Danvers.”

Kara smiled, leaning in. “I’m all yours, Lena Luthor,” she whispered against her lips. “Forever.”

That word sank into Lena’s chest, filling her up, pulling her together, binding up the pain and the wounds and the suffering, making everything feel right and hopeful. The future was suddenly brighter than it had ever been. 

“Forever,” she agreed, and kissed her. 


End file.
